On the way out.
And, headed back in.
Yesterday, I was making dinner when Seth asked if I would drive him to the end of our road with Gabe’s kayak so he could go explore along the base of some cliffs across the water. I was really hesitant, partially because I was busy, but also because Seth has never paddled a kayak before and I wasn’t comfortable with him going out alone. I pulled my usual, and told him to go ask Jonny. A little while later, Jonny came in from his office and told me that I ought to just take Keats’ kayak and go with Seth. That thought hadn’t even crossed my mind, even though I’ve been saying for a long time now that I want to start kayaking. It seems like a good way to work on upper body strength, which I am sorely lacking in, while being outside. The problem outside of time and equipment is that I am not good at trying new things. While I was too adventurous before I had children, over the years since becoming a mom it’s possible that I have become overly cautious.
Jonny assured me that I wouldn’t flip the kayak (I don’t think I’ve ever told you the story about going canoeing with Jonny’s friend Ed back in college…there was a lot of flipping the canoe involved!) and before I could put too much thought into it (“It’s almost dinner time…I have too much to do…I’m scared“), I changed clothes, grabbed a hat and some water and said, “Okay!” Seth was really excited for us to do this together, and that made me happy.
Once we set out, we only had an hour before Jonny would be returning to pick us up, so we didn’t waste time. The water was almost perfectly calm, but I felt awfully wobbly as Seth and I paddled out into what seemed like the abyss. Seth was completely confident and that helped me to be brave. I experienced a perfect combination of fear and thrill. One of the most profound aspects of this little adventure was realizing that I was being led by my child. Every day I look at him and can’t believe that he’s nearly fifteen, only seven years younger than I was when he was born!
Despite being deeply tired, I’ve carried yesterday’s smiles with me all day long. I know what I want for my birthday, though I don’t think I can wait until December!