Last night, Jonny took the older boys to the late Mass, and we had an even later dinner when they arrived home. Sitting around the table, they started talking about the homily. Our pastor mentioned that lately he has been having a lot of foot pain, and that he can hear his mother’s voice in his head telling him to, “Offer it up.” To help himself do that, he said he had made a list of people who have it worse than he does.
Seth turned to me and deadpanned, “Your name was on his list, Mommy.”
Of course he was kidding, but he said it so seriously that the little girls believed him. It’s true that I hit a bit of a wall in the pregnancy pelvis and back pain department a couple weeks ago. I am having to make some changes. I spend a lot of time stretching and I try not to bend over to pick things up off the floor, ever. No lifting, ever. I’m writing this post from my seat on a sheepskin, on the floor. Sitting on the floor seems to be the best for me. I don’t take long walks and I wear a support belt most of the time, though that’s a mixed bag. Larkspur has started her garden. I’m not sure about mine this year.
My point here is not to complain, or to cry out, “Woe is me.” I’m a big girl, and there are lessons here I need to learn (again), and there are saving graces. I’ve never been one to ask for help, and there is a humility in asking that we all could benefit from, maybe me especially. So I learn again this time around to slow down, to let the house be messy, to give myself a break. Sometimes that is really difficult. I do ask for help. My older children get frustrated with the younger ones. “We cleaned up down here an hour ago, and it’s already a wreck.” I thank them, and remind them that this is just how it is. I get frustrated with my body on nights I can’t sleep because of pain. But I remind myself of friends going through cancer treatments right now, and friends who have lost babies. I make my own list, I guess. I do my best to offer it up.
Last week, on a warm and beautiful day, Seth, Keats, and I went kayaking, our first time in weeks. I felt a thrill as Silas pushed me off into the water with Jonny’s help. I can’t get very far on foot, but I can still paddle! Wild ducks, osprey, and bald eagles flew overhead and I couldn’t stop smiling.
Back at home, I sit on the floor and knit. Baby things. Tiny socks.
Little gifts, saving graces.