I Can’t

The dogwoods will be in full bloom on Good Friday this year.  They don’t always line up that way, and I love it when they do.  I can hardly believe that we have already nearly made it to Easter Sunday.  This Lent didn’t go the way I planned in any way.  We had the flu through the first week and that was all it took to seemingly erase all my plans and good intentions.  My friend Elizabeth wrote a piece about God planning your Lent, and I really took comfort in her words.

So I thought we’d rally this week, and that somehow I would figure out a way to make it feel holy.  It didn’t happen.  In fact, this week has been incredibly stressful.  Jonny and I are making big life changing decisions.  Those that remind us that we’re not kids anymore.  And for the past four or five nights, Job has been waking up nearly every hour.  I’m exhausted to tears.  Earlier this week I called a friend sobbing so hard that all I could manage to spit out were the words, “No one has died”  to reassure her that there was no real crisis.  I could hardly explain what was wrong.  She talked me through it and prayed with me.

I’ve been doing these little nutty tasks that soothe my brain.  I went through my Amazon wishlist of books and looked them all up at my local library.  Those they had I requested and then deleted from the wishlist.  It was really satisfying.  I’ve been going through our books, pulling quite a few to donate, selling a few that are worth selling, and reorganizing them all in the process.  It makes me feel better.  I can’t control my life, but I can control my books.

I can’t make Holy Week feel holy.  It just is.  Thank goodness I don’t have any control over that.

 

Comments

  1. “I can’t control my life but I can control my books.” This made me smile because I have been there too. At least it is something and I hope it brings you comfort right now. Praying for you.

  2. Hoping things are getting better. Sleep deprivation is the worst, it is totally crazy-making. (I’m right there with you, it’s not pretty!) If you ever need a breather, don’t hesitate to call or stop by. Praying Jesus carries you through the Octave and fills your heart with peace and knowledge of His love right in the midst of life’s messes. Breathe in His mercy! Hugs.

  3. Lisa Howie says:

    Thank you for sharing your struggles with Holy Week. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone there. All good intentions, and then too little too late. Remorse and regret at lost opportunities. Focusing on the little things instead of the one big thing.
    Thankful for continued grace as a mother and for Easter.

  4. Hugs to you!

  5. Take it easy dear mama! You are such an inspiration to me and my family! My fifth baby is nearly 3 weeks old—- I don’t remember when I slept last… sometimes I have to pray every hour—- not for thankfulness, or for honor, but to ask just to help me get through the next hour! It helps me tremendously somedays….. Other days I just throw blankets on the couch and grab a stack of books and not get dressed! It helps to remember they are only so small for so long….. and looking back, surely it is a fun ride!

    What are your new plans and decisions coming up?…. moving? another baby? I’m nosey and love hearing about your life!

    Take care! and know that many of us in the blogging world are right where you are, are on the other side, or will be there soon! You are in good company!

    xoxo,
    Samantha Disch

  6. ginny, thank you so much for your post. how wonderful indeed that holiness does not depend on us, and yet it does. i do believe that despite your feelings of not being enough, the simple fact that you are searching already makes you and all you do enough. rest well sweet child, the sun rises again tomorrow and we have another chance at holiness!

    peace and blessings to you and yours

  7. Oh, I’ve been there. Prayers that you get some sleep and that this Easter is everything that the Lord wants it to be for you.

  8. I am always uplifted by your blog….whether you(r) family is experiencing unbelievable joy or great sorrow. Your humility, your love of family, and your love of God is always apparent. I pray your week(end) is going better than your week began…and I pray that you have both guidance and peace when it comes to the decisions that need to be made for your sweet family. God bless!

  9. Lots of hugs. Lots. Praying Job sleeps better next week.

  10. Wow. This is so truly beautiful in every way. Thank you.

  11. Yes, lack of sleep, especially constantly interrupted sleep will do a number on your brain–I hope you don’t have to make any big decisions at this time. How well I remember those sleepless days, when it was all I could do to limp through the day–I’m sure I cried quite a bit and had headaches all the time. Since my dh isn’t Catholic, I was the one responsible for all the teaching, which I didn’t do as well as I wished. Do your best with what you have–that’s all God asks of us when we are stressed and always–we’re attuned to thinking we have to do better all the time; that’s partly our culture now, I think. Happy Easter to you and your family, Ginny.

Trackbacks

  1. […] Spring Break. I’ll admit, I was pretty discouraged going into it- I could relate so much to what Ginny wrote about last week. My house was an absolute wreck after Spring Break and my spirit wasn’t doing much better. […]

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