Weeks before Advent began, I began preparing for the days ahead. One of the little things was to purchase new Christmas-y puzzles to work on together. When the time came to pull them out, I found myself strangely nauseated at the sight of them. The nausea itself wasn’t strange, I’d been feeling it for weeks, but the fact that puzzles made me feel worse was unexpected. I could hardly stand to look at the pieces scattered on the table. We eventually finished one, and have another half-finished on the puzzle table now. I keep waiting for last winter’s puzzle mania to take hold of me, but so far it hasn’t.
I’ve been keeping a secret, and it feels a little hard to say it out loud or write it here. We have lost three babies in recent years and I did not believe that we would be having more children. The losses taught me that a positive pregnancy test does not guarantee a living child. Of course, I always knew that but it was only in recent years that I lived it. And then there is the fact that I just celebrated my forty-third birthday. Goodness, I have a twenty-year-old son. I’m no young thing! For the past year, I have been focused on this next phase of life. I’m heading into mid-life, right? It’s been tricky, knowing that I don’t actually know the plan and I have to navigate the place that I am in, while recognizing that it could always change. Sort of a “one foot in the door” mentality I guess, and that doesn’t come easily to me.
Within days of a positive pregnancy test in early November, I was in my OB’s office for blood tests. The results were good and indicated a healthy pregnancy. I tried not to think about it too much while we waited for my mid-December ultrasound, at what they call a “pregnancy confirmation” appointment. On the day of my appointment, I was pretty nervous. I didn’t realize just how much so until the nurse was leaving the exam room to get the doctor for the ultrasound and I asked her, “But didn’t you say you need to check my blood pressure?” She looked so confused as she told me, “I just did.” I hadn’t even noticed. I was in some other world. She asked me if I was nervous and I almost burst into tears. I think I was terrified.
It did not take long for us to find out that this baby was alive. Not only did it have a strong heartbeat, but it already had little feet and hands!!! I wasn’t expecting to see feet yet, and couldn’t stop saying, “It has feet! Look at them!” I wish I could have seen Jonny’s face, but he was sitting behind my head. My doctor told me that I was a bit further along than we thought. I couldn’t stop laughing and talking about those little wiggling feet.
So, this is my long-winded (as always) way of telling you that we are expecting a baby this summer, about a month after Mabel turns five. I am just into the second trimester and starting to feel a little bit more human. I’ve never been as exhausted and sick with a pregnancy before! Or maybe I’ve just forgotten because it’s been a while. I saw my doctor this week and we were once again reassured by a strong little heartbeat.
When I told my dad that I’m pregnant, he did a good job of congratulating us (he is not Catholic and not super comfortable with our Catholic ways so it’s hard for him) and went on to say that we can just start calling me “Sarah.” Ha! I’m not quite ninety yet, though I will say that pregnancy in my forties is feeling a little different than pregnancy in my twenties or even thirties.
The world feels a little shaky right now, to say the least. The combination of that with this pregnancy has forced me to slow way down. I have spent a lot of time thinking about so many things: how important it is to keep our faith first always, what I want our days to look like in reflection of that, and how best to walk in gratitude for all of the precious gifts I have been given. I am very thankful for my family and the necessity that I focus fully on them right now. The last couple of months have been some combination of hope and messiness and I feel like I’ll never get on top of anything again. I’m old enough now to fully recognize that the mess will wait.
It was a really good Christmas despite pregnancy sickness/exhaustion + a stomach virus. That virus was terrible! Anyway, I made clothes for Bridget, Mabel’s doll, but that was the extent of me making much of anything. I was happy that I made so many mushroom ornaments earlier in the year since I wasn’t up to much crafting in the weeks surrounding Christmas. We did manage to make cinnamon applesauce ornaments (those never turn out great for us, but they smell good) and some homemade candy together. For Christmas, I filled stockings, bought a few books and games, and then gave a bit of money. I was just too exhausted to do more. Gabriel, always generous, bought really nice gifts for his younger siblings and that was a wonderful surprise for them. He gave Silas a fancy fishing rod and Job a race track that everyone has had a lot of fun with. We went to Mass on Christmas morning and walked out to find it snowing. What a magical, wonderful Christmas gift. I take a photo of my girls every year with Baby Jesus at the front of our church but this year we couldn’t pull it off. I guess our silly half-masked photo will be a good reminder of what 2020 was like. A mixture of joy and unexpected things like children wearing masks in church. I think we’ve made the best of things.
p.s. I’m including one more detail because of my age and my losses, and because you might wonder if something changed resulting in this healthy pregnancy (thus far-I still feel very cautious, though I’m not sure what good that will do. I may as well just let myself get excited.) Last summer, my regular doctor strongly encouraged me to start using topical progesterone because my levels were low, had been for years, and she thought it would give me some energy. Some of you have suggested it to me as well and I had used it sporadically in recent years, but this time I committed to sticking with using it for a few months. It did give me more energy and I was feeling the best I have in some time using it. I didn’t expect that to result in a baby though! When I found out I was pregnant, my OB put me on prescription progesterone right away, and I do believe that having been using it topically for a few months before getting pregnant in addition to the prescription I started after finding out I was pregnant made the difference. I’m so thankful!
Lisa says
So happy for you!! Congratulations!
Renee says
My mom had my sister at 47. We are 21 years apart. She is now a very healthy 30 year old and is a full time High School teacher. : )
Linda says
Only reading your joyful news now and it makes me so happy!
Sounds silly, but I was hoping you’d have one more! : ) I will be praying for you.
Lori Ann says
I was in my early 40s when we were blessed with our first -and only child. My son is from Ukraine. I am just finishing homeschooling his senior year! Age has nothing to do with anything. I never gave up hope (in other words -prayers) for a child. They are all blessings. Hooray for you and your family!?
Susanne says
Congratulations! Just an encouragement, my last (9th) baby came when I was 44 and was my easiest birth. God is good! In the midst of all the confusion in the world, a precious baby is a gentle reminder that life goes on, God is still in control and He will care for each of us as we care for our littles.
God bless you!
Ginny says
Thank you for that encouragement! I have started a prenatal exercise program (something I’ve never done before) and hope that it contributes to an easier birth and just general good health.
Grete says
Congratulations! I am catching up on your blog and see this wonderful baby news! I’m going to be praying for you. I’m 40 and we have lost 4 babies in early pregnancy in the past 15 months. It is so difficult and so hard to keep hoping.
Congratulations again. I hope you can let your family pamper you during this pregnancy!
Alicia Stack says
Congratulations! I am so happy for you and will be praying for you!!
I love your blog and pictures and the way you share your family life. I have been a faithful reader for many years.
Ginny says
Thank you for your prayers, Alicia!
LDA says
Congratulations! New life, new hope, new beginnings. Life is a wonderful journey.
Hannah Gokie says
Oh Ginny, congratulations! Praying for you & babe!
Heather Schwarzen says
Adding my voice to the chorus of congrats! I am also unexpectedly pregnant (at 46) after having fully embraced a new season of mothering my brood, ages 23-5. This pregnancy has been hard physically (I am so much more tired than I was even at 40!) but so very joyful. Blessed art we among women that this season of little ones has been extended for us! Praying for you, for your babe, and for the journey of the months ahead!
deb h says
Congratulations!
I had my last little one at 43 (#8)! My oldest was just shy of 21 when he was born.
We cannot imagine life without precious Benjamin 🙂
Erin says
Congratulations!
We welcomed our sixth child this past February, just two weeks before lockdowns and all the COVID stuff started. His baby self has been such a gift – off setting the general our-of-kilter feelings of 2020. It’s been a wonderfully beautiful year for our family!
As for age and pregnancy loss, I think it’s interesting: I didn’t get married until age 29, and had 6 babies after age 30, with a miscarriage at age 36. My last baby was born at age 41, and four of my babies born after 35! So be comforted that your age bears very little statistical merit in terms of loss. It really just happens when it happens! I am sure I’ll have one more baby, just like both of my grandmothers who bore children in their forties.
You will be in our prayers!
Martha says
So thrilled and excited for you!!! Congratulations. Cannot wait to follow along and welcome this new little life. Happy New Year!
olivia says
Congratulations, Ginny! A new life, a new soul, is a bright light in all this darkness no matter how long they are with us. They are signs of hope and what a wonderful family to be born into. Already cherished. Thank you for sharing this blessing with us.
Peace be with you.
Olivia
Bee says
Dear Ginny,
Congratulations! I am so, so happy for you. I fully understand why you kept it to yourself for a while, but this is very exciting news, indeed! 🙂 Woohoo.
As always, I love your photos. I especially love the picture in which one of the younger kids hugs Gabe. So sweet.
Anyway, I hope you’ll feel less nauseous/woozy soon. And yes, I imagine being pregnant in the middle of a pandemic brings with it an extra set of worries and concerns – all valid. Definitely don’t push those away. Worry and gratitude can exist simultaneously :).
All the best to you, as always. Much love from Europe.
Laura says
Congratulations! So happy for you and your family! I’m 43 too and just had our youngest girl last summer. I was soo tired throughout the first two trimesters and always feeling sick, then by the third trimester it was much much better! Hope you’ll be feeling better soon too.
Sara says
So happy for you, Ginny! That topical progesterone is a life-saver in many ways. God bless your family!
Rita says
SO happy for you. Losing pre-born babies is hard! I lost two and after an “I’m sorry for you.” Everyone forgets and moves on but you. Those memories of losing your future child are heartbreaking and stick with us for a long time. So happy that the ultra sound showed baby was a little older than you had guessed. That must have relieved your mind a bit. Progesterone, I’ve heard from my daughter, who lost a few babies, makes all the difference. She also has Hashimoto’s and that in itself makes it harder for pregnancies as a rule. So, sounds like your doctors are on top of this. Will pray for you on your journey. Be sure and let us know if you find out the sex! Such an exciting time. 2021 WILL be better!
Laura says
I’m just a blog reader, but I’m so happy about your baby!
Pam Beyer says
Wishing you the best pregnancy as you await your new little one!
I so enjoy your blog and hearing about your family and activities. Thank you for sharing your family!
I ordered milk goat soap for Christmas stockings… ( forgot to get me one:(. My son has taken over my DIL’s unscented bar so I’ll definitely be ordering again if you’re able to make more before your special blessing arrives.
Melisa says
Ginny,
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I had my 8th baby at 43 and though it was challenging (energy-wise), I noticed how much more my appreciation for little ones had grown. I also saw how beautifully and perfectly a new baby seems to bond everyone together in a special way. I had lots of eager arms to hold baby, so much so that we needed very little in the way of baby equipment! I imagine your other children will be tremendous helpers with your new baby.
Take good care of yourself, and nap unapologetically when you need to!
Prayers and blessings upon your pregnancy,
Melisa
Julie C says
Praying for you and your new blessing! So very excited for you.
Ginny says
Thank you!
Teresa says
Wonderful news! Congratulations. I wish I was pregnant too.
Could you tell me where you got your Christmas stockings?
Ginny says
Thank you! The stockings are from Land’s End. 🙂
Teresa says
Thank you. Looks like they don’t have them anymore.