We recently took a day trip to fish and play in a river a couple of hours away from home followed by a long overdue visit to Big Meadows. It’s rare that Jonny can take an entire day off, so it felt like such a big deal! Day trips used to be a regular occurrence for us as a family, but times change just as surely as the seasons do. Jonny later told me that he felt sad on Big Meadows. Not only because we visited the little grave of the tiny baby we lost last summer, but more so feeling keenly aware of the passing of time. We’ve been taking our children to Big Meadows for many years. It’s very easy to look across that meadow and picture our older children racing through the grass as little ones in twilight games of hide and seek.
I am finding it difficult to make space for all of the things that I would like to do, moving from one necessary task to the next, and rarely feeling particularly accomplished. By the time the clean laundry is folded, the dirty is overflowing and starting to spread out all over the bathroom floor. I feel defeated by it. I guess I need a shift in perspective. In most things, I try to place importance on the process, rather than the product. I believe that accepting and perhaps, embracing the neverending nature of what it takes to raise and support a family is part of my path to heaven. My goal isn’t necessarily a clean house (that’s just my dream), my goal is to one day be a saint. I have to remind myself of that almost constantly. The path to sainthood is messy and exhausting, and I often want to jump off. I am frequently fighting an inner battle over what I ought to be doing and what I would prefer to be doing (often disguised as something more important than the true needful thing). My simplistic prayers often go something like, “What do You want me to do?” over and over. There are people out there doing very exciting things but most of us are doing more ordinary work. I forgot to move laundry earlier today, so tonight no one will have clean towels. Mabel is whining and I need to get her ready for bed. I’ve started reading to her in my bed every night, after which she typically promptly falls asleep snuggled next to me. Jonny then carries her upstairs to her own bed. And here I run off on a tangent, because that is the nature of life, certainly my life. There are very few quiet moments, times to compose my thoughts or to write them down. I’ve been writing blog posts for more than ten years, and it is only getting harder. I’ve been writing one in my head every day for the past week. Each day it has been different.
Last week we had a little goat crisis. One of the babies got sick and I ended up collecting “samples” from all five goats to deliver to the vet for diagnostics. Date night turned into a visit to Tractor Supply for meds. Jonny and I have had lots of fun the past few days medicating stubborn animals with what must be very bad-tasting medicine. He holds the goat’s head between his legs and gives the dose while I stand behind him bear hugging its body. In the midst of the goat drama, Jonny commented that his super demanding law firm job doesn’t really go hand in hand with homesteading. This is very true, and we don’t quite know what the answer is. We built a life around a far less demanding job. I am pretty sure that we are in agreement about the fact that the answer doesn’t lie in parting with our goats, so don’t worry. Some of you suggested goat videos when I mentioned starting a Youtube channel. We sure would have captured some great footage for you this week.
It’s actually a little ridiculous to think that Jonny and the kids have even been contemplating a Youtube channel as if we have time. Well, the kids don’t get the time issue, so I guess it’s just funny that Jonny is on board with the idea. Many of you left really insightful comments on the post where I mentioned making videos and I appreciated that. I’m not sure what will happen but if a video is ever made and posted, I will let you know. Part of what might hold us back other than the whole time and equipment thing, and the fact that no one can decide what to name the channel, are our different artistic visions. Jonny and the kids are envisioning something along the lines of a couple of the family-oriented fishing channels that they watch. They are nothing fancy, but I guess they are highly entertaining to the right audience. When I think about making videos, what I imagine is a beautifully shot period drama. In reality, it would be a comedy or an episode of Dirty Jobs, but whatever, as long as it’s beautiful. My vision might be unrealistic, but I’m not sure I can settle for less. I am fine with you laughing with me over this. I am sure that editing these works of art would be time-consuming as well, but you wouldn’t believe how long it takes me to complete a blog post. Between uploading and editing photos, and the difficult writing bit, I easily spend four hours on a post, hence their infrequent appearances lately. My writing often looks like one of those mixed up stories we were all given as children to sort out and put in the correct order. It’s a mess. I’m a mess! But that’s okay. I’m just going to keep asking God what he wants me to do. I suspect I will be moving laundry, planning meals, homeschooling a bunch of kids, reading bedtime stories, and hoping to knit a few rows in there somewhere. But you never know, one day He might whisper to me, “Ginny, get out there and film those goats and share them with the world!” I’ll keep doing my best to answer His call, whatever it is.
Emanuela says
Thank you Ginny for ALL .
Bindy in Australia says
Thank you so much for a bunch of things, Ginny:
1] That you do produce these blog posts, even though they take so long. I agree totally that they are like a letter from a friend – I look forward to them so much!
2] That you are so honest about the dear and the difficult in your life. It makes motherhood so much better and more meaningful if we are honest that we struggle. Thank you for be raw and real with us.
3] For your spiritual wisdom. I really resonated with your comments on what our goals actually – being people of God, not people whose homes look like magazine images.
Thank you. Please keep being you – you’re wonderful.
Elizabeth says
I totally get what you are saying; I don’t have the blessing of kids but man, laundry sure piles up around here, quicker than I can say ‘at last the laundry is done!’ I think your prayer is a really good one and that you are in a very busy season of life; it’s not easy, this life; beautiful but hard. God be with you dear one!!
Hallie says
I read every comment. Tears in my eyes. Such beautiful words from all stages of life. Ginny, I look forward to every blog post. It feels like a hug from a friend. Thank you for sharing your journey. With Love.
Amy says
Only do the youtube if it relaxes and inspires you. 😉 HA. I personally have to always evaluate OVER and OVER again what I can and cannot do. I do what I love, and if it blesses someone else if I share it, then so be it and I’m glad. If I try to start from a place of doing it for others, I end up stressed. I love this post. I can relate to so much of it, minus the goats. 😉
Joy says
I love reading your posts and the style of your writing. I guess its a relief to me that you have to put time into it rather than being so amazing that you can bang them out in no time and do everything else! I to live an ordinary family and working life and notice the time is flying by. Like you i am trying to live with only being able to do what i can and never really being on top of everything, i guess its a fantasy that we can have such a full life and a tidy house too!
Jolaine says
Just finished reading chapter 7, Sheltering, Mothering as a Path of Awakening in the book “Wild Mercy” by Mirabai Starr. The author talks about parenting as a spiritual discipline and family as “a most powerful spiritual teacher.” I wish I had read this chapter when I was raising my children and I had realized then I was doing holy work. I encourage you to borrow this book from the library if you only have time to read this chapter.
Frau Kirschkernzeit says
I love you, Ginny. You are the sweetest person! You are funny and wise, honest and tender and passionate. You are you. And that’s the best part of it! Thank you for writing and sharing and being brave and vulnerable and true!
Bora from Switzerland
Pamela Hans says
Ginny, you’re so hard on yourself. My goodness, do you ever really read back to yourself all that you expect of yourself for one day? It’s amazing, truly it is. I am sure most of your followers feel the same. Few people home school 5 children, so that alone is a major accomplishment. Be kind to yourself and take time to appreciate all you actually do instead of what doesn’t get done. Give yourself a HUGE hug ? and take a breath. You’re wonderful just as you are.
Chiara says
Dear Ginny, i’m experiencing a period of big uncertenties and i’m overwelmed sometimes. I found out that psalm 40 is my go to rest place. I’m not as good as you are in trusting God and let him model me and my path. But this psalm have come in my head since i’m 17 exactly when needed -half of my life actually-! I’m a math and science teacher. Laundry cicle and meal prep is what i use to teach the notion of infinite to middle schoolers!
Marilyn says
I understand about trying to do many things. It seems there is not enough hours in the day to accomplish what needs to be done. Looks like every one had a good time. God Bless.
Marilyn
Angela says
We were just at Big Meadows last month (quite a drive for us from Florida!), and I really appreciate what a very, very beautiful place it is. I feel the same way these days – everything feels so full and busy somehow – how do I manage? It’s overwhelming some days, but thanks for the reminder about focusing on what is really important!
Kerry says
Love it! Keep writing- mess and all. Thank you for the reminder about the passage of time.
Marion says
Ginny i am having the same problem figuring out what to do. Trying to change the seasonal clothes,decorate for Fall and cleaning rooms. your family looks so into the trip. Beatrix is so pretty. What a beautiful young lady.
Marion
Linda says
I always love to read your writing. I think the very ‘realness’ of it is what holds me and hugs me at times. I hear you 🙂 even as a woman with all my children grown and left home. I help my daughter with her 4 homeschooled children two days a week, try to manage our large old home and weedy garden – its very weedy …sigh.. run a small bath and body business, write a blog and then stupidly started a youtube channel. I hardly ever get time to make a video…so consequently the uploading is so infrequent…sigh…my life is run on good intentions..but I do still get stuff churned out and the best thing is I enjoy it..and feel accomplished, even if it just involved scrubbing my daughters shower and squirting the grandies with the hose. I feel blessed.
I’ve surrendered my desire to be on top of everything….and will go for about 2 weeks without dusting 🙂 and churn out soap and good dinners instead…I can’t do it all and gave up trying.
I love how you cry out to God “What do you want me to do” – me too 🙂 I told my daughter just yesterday that her surrendered spirit (for God to lead her) is so inspiring to me…it brought me to tears meditating on her submission while I drive the long roads out to her house. We can never know how our simple lives when lived with grace and surrender will speak as a testimony to others. Bless you Ginny x
Rita Moeller says
I listen to Patrick Madrid on Relevant Radio [the Catholic station] and he always says, “Be a saint. What else is there?” so I know what you mean. We are not trying to be a “famous saint” just to get ourselves through the gates of heaven. And it is not easy for any of us. But do keep blogging even if it’s only 3 lines. This is one of the holiest things you do. You inspire all of us to just keep on keeping on. And Lord knows we need inspiration in today’s world!
Trudi Carter says
No one can Get themselves through the gates of heaven. For by grace are we saved through faith which is the gift THE GIFT of God, this is the clear and beautiful message of the Bible which is the Word of God.
Taryn Wilson says
I love your blog as always, Ginny, and enjoy every post. I don’t get much time on the computer, so come to catch up now and then when I get a chance. I can relate to how long it takes to write a blog post! Without quiet time to complete a train of thought… it can take awhile. 🙂 I have tons of summer pictures I have yet to sort and organize and now all my garden pictures and posts I had planned are out of date. I know how busy you are and have appreciated that you’ve continued to write on your blog and share your heart with the world, it’s a blessing to many.
Winwick Mum says
If it makes you feel any better, I think 4 hours is about standard for writing a blog post! I don’t seem to take any less time to write mine by the time I’ve finished with the photos and checking that the words say what I want them to say. I love reading yours whenever they are written – and we can only do what we can do. Christine xx
Joan says
Great post and all so true about what to do first. Happy to see all had a wonderful and fun time.
Ginny
Samantha Spigos says
Beautiful, as ever. The shots of you and Mabel really speak to a devoted motherhood.
Theresa Boedeker says
Love this post. Yes, rarely are we doing exciting work, unless you call doing the same thing over and over again, like making meals and cleaning bathrooms exciting!! I love that you write blog posts in your mind. I do so much writing each day in my mind that never sees the white of paper. I’m hoping you do hear the voice telling you to film the goats.
Linda B says
Ah, Ginny. . . I am speaking to you as a grandmother, farther down life’s path. . . What I wish I would have done as a mother of growing children was to expect less of myself, not more. . . To BREATHE every single day and love each precious, fleeting moment, instead of trying to do more, more, more, especially as the founding teacher of my Waldorf school in Tucson–though still I do not regret the calling to that deed, because it was indeed mine to accomplish that. I was called to it. . .
We all need to strive, and yet to know that what we accomplish on any given day is truly sufficient, especially if done with love and intention. Sainthood is quite a lofty goal! I urge you to be HERE now, and let the sainthood unfold as it will. Don’t be so hard on yourself!
It is amazing that you do get blog posts out to us. Do not worry that they are irregular these days. We are patient, and delighted whenever you post.
Ginny says
Thank you for these words! And just want to clarify that I am not hoping to be canonized, just make it to heaven! Still a lofty goal. 🙂
Mae Fleming says
Don’t despair. Soon enough your little ones will all be grown and gone and there will be plenty of time for life’s daily chores. For now it’s one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. I will be 69 next month and miss having “littles” underfoot all day, along with the mess they generate. For now I have to content myself with weekly visits to my daughter’s home where my 3 grandsons wreak havoc. Can I ask you which sweater Mabel is wearing in your photos? Keep up the good fight. I always enjoy your blog posts and wouldn’t care if I had to mentally rearrange the order of content. Sending love, hugs and prayers your way.
Mae
Ginny says
Thank you, Mae! That pink cardigan is probably the most loved of anything I’ve knit! Larkspur and Beatrix both wore it. The pattern is a very simple one called # 981 Children’s Neck Down Cardigan by Diane Soucy. Here’s a link to my Ravelry notes on it: https://www.ravelry.com/projects/GinnySheller/-981-childrens-neck-down-cardigan
Maurlo says
I’m waiting for the birth of baby number eight, and your post was such a comfort to me. Thank you for taking the time to write. I loved your prayer…what do you want me to do next…and how the answer is usually mundane. I’ve been saying the same prayer these last weeks as I wake up pregnant once more and still need to care for children, make another meal, wipe down a bathroom…just when I had everything put somewhat together the night before. I keep saying to myself that small things done faithfully lead to great things. But thank you again for writing.
Ginny says
Dear Maurlo, I remember what those last days and weeks of pregnancy are like! I will add you to my prayers!
AndeeKF says
I think your YouTube channel should be called “Mud Kitchens”. I have always been envious of your children’s imagination and a place to make their own worlds. I love their mud kitchens the best 🙂
Lisa Battley says
Yes, definitely blessed by reading this post. So many things resound with me. Many are the emotions of parenting and the passing of time. I’m sure you know this verse and I’m writing it for myself too! “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
Thank you for spending your precious time writing and sharing Ginny.
Teresa says
I completely get the lack of time! But if you do decide to do a vlog, you might consider having one, or more, of your kids be in charge of all the work involved. People have been able to quit their full time jobs after a few years of YouTubing. I am sure you have plenty of examples but Incase you are not aware of some homesteading ones, check out Art and Bri, Justin Rhodes (not the singer), and Weed Em and Reap. Best wishes!
Catherine ou la douce boheme says
Chere Ginny
Encore une fois votre blog est touchant par sa sincérité….
J aimerai que ces quelques lignes vous apportent le réconfort que vous méritez
Parfois nous doutons du sens que nous donnons à notre vie ….
Ne doutez pas …..vous faites les bons choix
Tant pis pour le ménage ! Les enfants garderons tellement de beaux souvenirs de ce que vous avez construit ensemble …
Aujourdhui mes enfants sont devenus des adultes .Avec mon mari nous sommes comblés quand nous nous retrouvons .
C est souvent pour eux l occasion d evoquer leur souvenirs d enfance
Les histoires que nous leur racontions, les repas de crêpes du dimanche soir , nos soirées à la belle étoiles, nos rituels avec les bougies ….
Bref que des petites choses simples , the small things, …..
Je vous assure qu il ne m ont jamais parler du ménage..
Avec toute mon affection
Douces pensées à vous tous et une toute particulière pour Beatrix
Catherine
Melissa says
Ginny, your words really speak to my heart. The path to sainthood is so messy at times and frustrating and I am especially feeling that today. Thank you and may God bless you for sharing and encourage you in your daily efforts.
Chris Neef says
All you can do, is all you can do. So with that in mind, even a snippet of a post is better than none and your subscribers will support you! So go easy on yourself. You are doing a huge, demanding job but with time, things will ease up.
Debbie Walker says
Ginny, I love and look forward to your blogs so much, and the really wonderful photos. I like the little snippets about jonny and his job as well, the rarity with which you mention something about an individual family member, makes those little insights all the more enticing. Personally, I wouldn’t change a thing. I would happily pay up to £10 a month for your blogs. They are the only ones I subscribe to. Good luck xx
Lee Cockrum says
Your photos are beautiful, and I always love whatever you post. I cannot even begin to imagine how busy your life is! I was never able to have children, so I am on a different path. But I think you are on the right track in terms of asking God what to do next. I am also a VERY firm believer in do what you can where you are. Most of us are not destined for “greatness” in the wordly view of things…but if everyone did what they could in their little sphere, the world would be an infinitely better place. Hugs and love to you!
Tanya Wieler says
Oh Ginny what a beautiful heartfelt post. I think you perfectly captured what many of us busy Moms feel! And we all just pray that we are all on our own messy path to sainthood. Although you might think it is just a messy post that you were able to squeeze in between loads of laundry and bedtime stories, your writing is another piece of your path. It is a ministry that speaks directly to the souls of many. God Bless your efforts, however messy they might be. Many of us find familiarity and comfort in knowing that others are on a messy path too.
Hayley Browne says
Hi Ginny!
Your blog is so encouraging. I’m 10 years into marriage with 5 kids. Definitely never seems there is enough time in the day. We’ve had plenty of times where there are no towels too. Lol.
Also I’m so sorry for your loss last year. May our sorrowful mother comfort you.
Nancy M says
When you have time look up Elisabeth Elliot – Do the Next Thing. It’s a poem she quoted and I often remind myself of that when I’m not sure how it will all get done. Hope that might encourage you. Have a blessed week Ginny and I enjoy your blog posts whenever you have time for them. ???
Taryn B says
Thank you for your beautiful words and pictures. And thank you for your candidness. It blesses me and speaks right to where I am. My dad and stepmom are visiting us at our new home in Nebraska Oct 1 and I am so stressed about finishing up packing (from March 28!) and really cleaning before they come (they have high standards). But our four daughters call for my attention and so does my mental health, so I will try to do as you do and strive for holiness instead of cleanliness and ask God for what to do next.
Bianca says
Hi Ginny!
You could have written this blog for me! There is never enough time in a day for creative people with many responsibilities to fit it all in. Caregiving is a very time consuming occupation. There is beauty in it, I tell myself. You remember, you do get things done like all the things you sell on your Etsy shop. Even though my kids are grown I am still finding it hard to find those creative hours. Hang in there. You are an inspiration. I could share my stories of holding my goat while we took her temperature, bathes the sores on her udder, etc., etc., etc……..:-) After twenty some years of goats I am goatless. Our last remaining goat lived to eighteen.
Be well…….
Lisa says
Hi Ginny,
I echo what everyone else has said and I love reading your posts! I felt a pang of sadness when I read what you wrote about the passing of time. The days are long but the years fly by. I loved to rock my kids to sleep, even when I was told that they’d never learn to fall asleep by themselves. They did. I rocked them every night for years and just loved it when they fell asleep while I was holding them. Yet I never really realized that it was the the end of something until after it was over. The last time you rock them or diaper them or give them a bath. I guess there is a season for everything. I’m so glad that I got to experience it and have those wonderful memories even if I do miss them at times.