I have been doing a pretty good job over the past couple of months of accepting the situation. After all, I’ve been longing to stay home for years. I didn’t think I’d have the opportunity for another decade or more. But this doesn’t feel good. It just doesn’t. I’m doing so many things that I love, but there is an undercurrent of anxiety. Anxiety that recedes a bit when I am planting seeds or working in the greenhouse. I’ve planted a thousand seeds or more at this point. I will have flowers, but will I have peace? Isn’t waiting in the unknown the hardest thing? My worries like to find a target, and right now it’s my two boys who will be seniors this fall. Both play baseball and had a big season planned for this spring and summer (and hopefully scholarship offers), and one plays (played?) in an orchestra and plans to pursue a career in music performance. God loves them both and wants what is best for them. So why am I crying? Why can’t I trust?
My younger kids are doing alright but seem to be getting dirtier every day which is exhausting (for me). There are articles of mud crusted clothing scattered around the driveaway and I’ll have to hose them off before putting them in the washing machine. I couldn’t understand what was going on with the increase in muddy clothes and feet and bodies but then on a walk, I noticed a hut made of sticks and thickly plastered with mud. I’m going to suggest a grass hut for next time.
The ducklings have moved out of our bathroom. What a relief! Jonny kicked the nest boxes out of our little chicken coop and now it’s a duck house! We are planning to fence a large area around our blackberry patch and the ducks will live there and hopefully eat Japanese beetles and lay eggs and be cute. I keep trying, but can’t seem to tolerate chicken eggs anymore. Hoping that duck eggs might work for me? Also, any advice on making them friendly? Will it come with time? They are very scared of me and my very scary hands coming towards them.
I texted a friend recently that my girls and I were watching goat birth videos on YouTube. I asked her, “What was I thinking?” Our little goat, Tilly, is due to give birth this week. Today even. I’m not one for blood, fluid, and birth and all of that. Actually, I shudder at the word “fluid” and have to look away when I’m getting my blood drawn. Pain is fine, blood is not. I kept my eyes closed through my own five homebirths. Just give me the baby. As far as Tilly’s birth goes, please, oh please, let those goat babies be in the right position. Regarding the possibility that they might not be, my sister said to me on the phone, “Just reach in there, Ginny! You can do it!” Ummm. I don’t think so. I will call the vet. But of course, she’s forty-five minutes away. I’m calm. I’m calm. I’m calm.
Everything is going to be okay. Or it’s not. But that’s okay too. Right? Yes. We are going to be just fine. As my granddaddy used to say, “Think about flowers and pretty things.” He also used to say, “That’s the program and then you die.” Ha! Nevermind that second one. Let’s focus on the flowers. (Edited to add–My Aunt Genie just told me that my grandaddy actually would say, “That’s the program, darling.” My mom added the “And then you die” part! And the combination of the two became one of our family sayings. Please share your own uplifting family sayings!)
I actually have a lot on the schedule for today, but I am going to try to find time to sit down with this book. (affiliate link) If you love flowers and need something beautiful to look at, I recommend it and her first book as well! Larkspur has always loved arranging flowers, and my younger kids are planning a flower farm now. Actually, Jonny and I have talked about doing that for about twenty years. We talk about doing a lot of things. At the very least, we’ll have zinnias and cosmos this year.
p.s. I finished what I’ve been calling my quarantine shawl and it’s on the blocking mat now!
p.p.s. Thank you, thank you for all your orders! I’m sorry that things sold out so quickly and that some of you didn’t get what you were hoping for. I did not expect that response and I’m so grateful! Etsy actually sent me a concerned email wondering if I could handle the volume. Of course, I can! Some of your orders went out on Saturday and the rest are packaged and will be shipped today. Are any of you interested in seeing undyed mordanted yarn in my shop? I have a bunch of single-ply fingering weight skeins that are washed and mordanted and ready to dye, and maybe you want a project to do? I had planned to dye it, but think I need to focus on another batch of headscarves and getting playsilks back in my shop.
Lisa says
I enjoyed reading your post. I have that feeling as well, that I am happy being at home doing things like I normally would and have more time now and trying to enjoy it, But am a bit worried underneath it. I have this uncertain feeling with the things going on in the world and being worried about this virus. It is so hard for children and I feel for the seniors that are finishing school but can’t have a normal graduation and it is tough thinking of moving forward at this time. I hope for the best for all of us.
Lana says
That mud house is a true work of engineering! My Mom, who is in the hospital with an infection in her leg at age 81, always said, ‘Tomorrow is another day’. My late Mother in law, ‘If Momma ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy’.
Cindy says
Trust and Obey for there is no other way ….. so the song goes of my youth. I know he will never forsake us. His plans are not ours…. I keep retelling myself and asking the Holy Spirit to Comfort …. me and all. To heal our land. I find myself in prayer often and I never feel alone. I know God knows and hears us. He knows our hearts.
Your blog is always a light and happy ray for me. The beauty of what your camera snaps is something I so enjoy.
I grew up on a Peach ranch… ours was next to our Grandparents Peach and Walnut ranch in the Central Valley of CA. We were a working family and it is how I learned to Work… Love the land… and was taught respect. Because we as well had our share of Beef-pigs-sheep 4-H projects our clothes were always dirty. ( except our Church clothes…. and never did our Mom allow us to work on a Sunday)…. so she had 4 old fertilizer buckets that were used to soak our clothes and to rinse them prior to the washing machine. ( she uses this to this day with laundering my Dad’s stuff—— 84 years old, and swears by it).
I’am a knitter and found you through a knitter blog search. So enjoy your writing. Take care. Hope and Pray for a vaccine in near future!
Joele says
My grandfather used to say, “We’ll eat before we go”. It came from a time when a trip to town by horse and wagon was an all-day event. It was always bread and butter with molasses. It’s still a good plan for trips anywhere with a vehicle load of kids when finding food on the go is unpredictable and expensive. I keep meaning to make it a sign in our kitchen. I find practical uplifting. 🙂
Have you considered quail eggs? My son raised quails for awhile and they were sweet and required little space. Their eggs are tolerated by some people who cannot eat chicken eggs.
Susan Kuhlman says
I was sick for a day, but recovered quickly. My daughter insisted that I call my doctor and we covered the scary part (probably not the virus, but who knows?) My doctor said that we are experiencing free floating anxiety that is just under the surface but never goes away. She has had patients with all kinds of strange ailments. She suggested that we try to cry. Just let the emotion out, sob a little, blow your nose and you will feel much better. The anxiety needs to come out or it will make you sick.
Alison says
Hi Ginny,
I’m a fellow Hashimoto’s, AIP mama. I also have chickens and can’t tolerate chicken eggs anymore- they trash my digestion. I’ve been trying every 6 months or so for over 3 years, no luck. Please keep us posted on whether the duck eggs work for you! I might be able to convince my family to do ducks in a few years…
Elizabeth says
those pictures, so so beautiful! thank you!!!! I understand the anxiety; I am doing reading and admit to watching re-runs of Perry Mason ( 🙂 ) to stay outside/away from the anxiety. It’s a tough time. May God have mercy on us!
Pamela Hans says
Ginny, I so appreciate your candor regarding anxiety. I am feeling double the amount since I broke my wrist on Saturday, April 18. I have since had surgery to have it set but have been experiencing major pain and the inability to knit ?. I done want to complain because I know many have endured so much worse, but I am stuck in the doldrums. I go next Monday to have the stitches removed, so hopefully I’m on the mend. My granddaughter will turn 2 on 6/5 and it doesn’t look like I will be able to be with her. It’s a tough time for me and prayers are appreciated ??
Ginny says
Dear Pamela,
I’m so sorry about your wrist! I will certainly pray for you!
Love,
Ginny
Molly says
My family discovered a cute quote in an old family video from one of my sisters (when she was only 5 or 6), and I seem to find myself saying it often these days: “Sit down, and enjoy your tea!” Just imagine it being said in a cute little girl lisp quite matter-of-factly:)
Ginny says
I love that!!!!
Jean says
Thank you so much for writing about your feelings of anxiety. This is such a hard time for so many and I struggle with the feeling that I should be doing something to help. I pray often to the Blessed Mother and I feel she is watching over all of us.
Marilyn says
Hope you are feeling better Ginny. I have been throwing out a lot of clutter that should have been tossed long ago.
Marilyn
Chris says
Hi Ginny, I’ve loved reading your blog and looking at your photos for so many years. I have a book you may enjoy:
https://www.amazon.com/Singing-Creek-Where-Willows-Grow/dp/0140237208/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2SZCV9OO3L57U&dchild=1&keywords=opal+whiteley&qid=1588026956&sprefix=Opal+wh%2Caps%2C241&sr=8-2
The backstory is sad but the diary itself is so powerfully rooted in a deep love of the natural world. I often think of it when I read your blog. It might make a nice diversion for you ☺️ Take care
Ginny says
Thank you, Chris! That book sounds wonderful!
Elizabeth says
I follow a wonderful Blog & Instagram called Red Feed Sack. She and her daughter have a flower farm. I highly recommend checking her out. The flowers (when she posts about them) are stunning.
Hilary says
My dad always used to say…….and we’ll have another nice day…..tomorrow!
Incidentally I live the other side of the Atlantic to you, near Liverpool and a lot of the flowers you have in your garden are the same as in mine. I’m also growing cosmos and zinnias this summer and I often see plants in your garden that are flowering at the same time as mine. Hope you’re all keeping virus free x
Stacy says
I became intolerant to chicken eggs. Duck eggs worked for me. Although, my naturopath was able to give me homeopathic treatment and now I can eat chicken eggs again! I’m sorry I don’t remember what it was called, but it’s worth looking into. Prayers, always.
Theresa Boedeker says
I have been filling up m new flower bed with flowering perennials and planting seeds. Which is thinking of flowers and pretty things. It helps. Hoping this is over soon. Perpetually holding can get exhausting. But know you are normal. All my friends I am talking with are feeling similar feeling like you expressed her.
Rita says
You asked for up-lifting family sayings and I recalled my grandmother’s: God doesn’t close a door, but he opens a window. I think I got that right? The second one was my mothers from the depression: Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without. That one is especially good now when we can’t shop except online. And that is TOO tempting when paychecks have ended. I understand your anxiety and exhaustion with this “stay-at-home”. I am not a worrier [guess I didn’t get the gene] so I stay home as much as possible but when I have to go out, I just go. I wear a mask because it makes others comfortable. If God drops the virus on me, so be it. I wish I could pass this on to others with anxiety but I guess we each have to just “let go and let God”. It so easy to trust him when things are going well, isn’t it? And so hard otherwise. We are SO human, it’s humbling.
Joy says
I love your granddaddy, he sounds like he had some great sayings to shape the family. I am totally focusing on the flowers and nice things and we do just get the program that we get, although we try our best to make it the best it can be.
Marion says
Hi Ginny Saturday we planted six Pansie plants. Sunday we had to replant four of them. The destructive squirrels dug them up. Hope Tilly has an easy birth.
Marion
,
Anne S. says
Love the jack in the pulpit!
Joan says
Ginny I hope the goat has an easy delivery and you can just marvel at the baby goat.
Joan
Susan says
We had ducks for a few years. The kids handled them a lot when they were little and they were relatively friendly. They gradually disappeared due to hawks and foxes. We had one mallard who survived the longest named “Sir Quacks-Alot”. We could call him by stepping outside and quacking and he would come to us quacking the whole way! I thought he would be here forever, but a pair of nesting geese on our pond forced him off and he would sleep on the edge of the pond some nights. Most of the time he’d come back to the duck house, but, a fox got him one night. It broke our hearts and we haven’t had ducks since. I’m guessing they and he were friendly from being handled so much?
Kelli Ramey says
I just marvel daily at the photos of nature getting a break while we do, too.
Does my heart good the see the view of the Himalayas from Punjab, the clear water in the canals of Venice, the critters in town squares and taking over empty roads.
Maybe one silver lining. Perhaps the click gets set back a few minutes.
Love your beauty
Heidi says
You described my symptoms/feelings exactly. Some days I do fine by keeping myself busy (planting the gardens, starting more seeds, knitting etc)! But sometimes I’ll just wake up with a sense of heaviness and anxiety. It’s frustrating. And I wonder…what ARE we waiting for because I don’t know if it will be “normal” again. I hope so.
Lovely photos as usual Ginny. Love reading your posts & hearing about your adventurous family!❤️
Kate says
We had goats (Nubians) for about 15 years before we moved and downsized. We only witnessed one goat birth. It was a great experience for the kids. The other goat births happened without an audience. We’d walk out to the goat pen and there would be a new kid or two with its mama. No problems with any of the births. If the does are healthy, they’ll be fine.
I’m keeping myself busy and trying not to think too much about the future. My underlying anxiety is about being able to feed everyone. Shopping is so weird now. And I hate going into stores with people wearing masks. It just adds to the anxiety. I’ve been shopping mostly at a Mennonite store lately. It’s a little more pricey, but the workers don’t wear masks and you can see their smiles. Much more peaceful. Then I also worry about my adult kids who don’t live at home. How are they holding up in isolation? Will they lose their jobs? I try to trust that God has that that covered in His big plan, just as He cares for the sparrows and flowers of the field.
Christie Hoagland says
Somehow I lost track of you… and now your are found! And admired. Your photos are so beautiful and up lifting. As a retired teacher … I love watching your children learn to love to learn through the outdoors and their wonderful parents.
Jennifer says
Ginny, thank you for being the light. You are a beautiful person to share so generously. I love everything that you do.?
Becky says
Dearest Ginny,
I promise, you are not the only one. The anxiety rumbles low-level somewhere around the pit of my stomach. I don’t notice it until I stop. I had a conversation about this with a friend this morning who is also having the same feelings. Thus…confirmation to me. In the end, God is working. Working in us. For me, it’s control. I read something many weeks ago about we need to be able to “sit” in the anxiety. Sit in the uncomfortableness. Hmmm. I don’t want to. I don’t like to. But, I must. He’s waiting for me there. Waiting to change me into more like Himself. And that’s hard.
Peace to you, dear Ginny and your sweet family.
Wendy says
I’ve been planting something almost every day–it’s one of the few ways I’ve found to feel calm and somewhat normal. I’m running out of available ground though. ?
Although i would hate the mess, too, that mud hut is very impressive! It reminds me of Andrew Henry’s Meadow!
Always thankful when your posts arrive in my inbox–they are calming too!
Veronica Wettermark says
Ginny,
I would like to tell you I look forward to your blog every week. Though you are feeling anxiety with everything going on, your words give me peace. What you are feeling is normal and probably how many others feel right now. I am a nurse. Every day I go to work, the rules have changed for what I need to do to keep patients and myself safe. Psalm 30:5 came to mind when I opened my eyes this morning. “Weeping may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” God is good, and it is going to be alright no matter what.
I love your yarn. I often do not see when it is available, so I miss out, but whatever you decide to do, dyed or not, is fine with me.
By His Grace (BHG),
Veronica
Loretta Turmel says
Ginny, Thank you so much for your honesty. I have had such a feeling of heaviness lately, lamenting over the state of things in our world and concerned about those whose lives have been impacted by job loss, etc. Reading your post this morning was comforting for I see that I am not alone in my feelings. I also so enjoy your photographs and the stories of your beautiful family. It is so pleasant to read since I am an empty nester and miss those days full of children and yes, even mud! I wouldn’t be surprised if your older girls step right in to help with the baby goat delivery. I look forward to hearing about it and seeing pictures! God bless you, dear woman.
Mary says
Just seeing your beautiful photos made the world feel a bit brighter — “all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”
Barbara says
I’m so grateful for your posts. I feel like I have been privileged to peer into your family and it’s a great blessing for me. I’ve been following you for quite some time now and I appreciate your honesty and transparency. God is mindful that we are but flesh and He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion! That includes your 2 senior boys.
On another note I’m disappointed that I was unable to snatch some goat milk soap. Any idea when you will have more?
God bless all of you.
Ginny says
Thank you for that encouragement!!! I have a batch of soap that will be ready in a few weeks! If all goes well with Tilly I am hoping to have lots more soap in the future!
Sharon says
Ginny,
Fr. Mike Schmidt had a beautiful sermon this past Sunday that I know will speak to your heart and maybe help with the worry. He talked in depth about finding joy and peace not contingent on outcomes. It was fabulous!
God bless you and your family!
Nicole Spring says
I totally though Jonny was doing some kind of workout with that duck house. he,he.
For your ducks, I say get your kids to love on them all.the.time. Our ducks much prefer their own company but are still pretty friendly and I think it is all due to our kids loving on them and handling them non-stop since we got them. Our goose is more friendly but that might be because we only have one.
We are still waiting to plant 🙁 Not by choice. Kevin tried tilling our land over the weekend (after 2 months of asking) and it was impossible. However our Amish neighbors are coming over as soon as we have 2 dry days in a row to plow about a half acre (or more) with their horses. I can’t wait!!
karen says
I think worriers worry and this stay at home order stuff makes it a little trying in the patient department. I worry I won’t see my son before he moves to Indiana (SO FAR AWAY) to his new job. I am grateful he has met a lovely girl to be his ‘buddy’ through the transition. A St Theresa quote: ‘let nothing disturb you, let nothing upset you, everything changes, God alone is unchanging with patience all things are possible. Whoever has God lacks nothing God alone is enough’
Susan says
Hi Ginny, I have never commented before but have enjoyed reading your blog for years now. You are so warm, so honest and so funny too 🙂 As a mother trying to navigate these confusing days and weeks (months?!) with a sense of calm (and even fun on good days!) it is incredibly comforting and reassuring to learn about the challenges, questions and fears you confront, as well. Makes me feel less alone. And this particular post made me laugh out loud at several points…particularly the muddy clothes dilemma (my kids are outside playing in the mud, read: mud puddles) right now and as much as I want to be a cool, roll-with-it mom, I am already figuring out my plan for washing their clothes and getting them inside without ruining the walls of the mudroom. Anyway, I’m rambling. Just wanted to say thanks for your beautiful writing, your lovely photos and for sharing your family and your heart with all of us.
Jody says
Still love your pictures and written words–the thoughts both communicate. The pictures this time are lovely dark, with a thing of beauty high-lighted in each one. Like this trying time indeed, where jewels of perseverance and trust are formed, slowly but surely.
Emily DeArdo says
It is so hard to trust, isn’t it? It’s something that I just have to do every day, fresh, it seems like. It’s never just set. I am a person who does a lot better with end dates. If I know when something is over, I can handle it a lot better. Open-ended things drive me crazy. So I totally understand how you’re feeling!
Your shawl is gorgeous. I’m wading into lace very very tentatively!