I have been doing a pretty good job over the past couple of months of accepting the situation. After all, I’ve been longing to stay home for years. I didn’t think I’d have the opportunity for another decade or more. But this doesn’t feel good. It just doesn’t. I’m doing so many things that I love, but there is an undercurrent of anxiety. Anxiety that recedes a bit when I am planting seeds or working in the greenhouse. I’ve planted a thousand seeds or more at this point. I will have flowers, but will I have peace? Isn’t waiting in the unknown the hardest thing? My worries like to find a target, and right now it’s my two boys who will be seniors this fall. Both play baseball and had a big season planned for this spring and summer (and hopefully scholarship offers), and one plays (played?) in an orchestra and plans to pursue a career in music performance. God loves them both and wants what is best for them. So why am I crying? Why can’t I trust?
My younger kids are doing alright but seem to be getting dirtier every day which is exhausting (for me). There are articles of mud crusted clothing scattered around the driveaway and I’ll have to hose them off before putting them in the washing machine. I couldn’t understand what was going on with the increase in muddy clothes and feet and bodies but then on a walk, I noticed a hut made of sticks and thickly plastered with mud. I’m going to suggest a grass hut for next time.
The ducklings have moved out of our bathroom. What a relief! Jonny kicked the nest boxes out of our little chicken coop and now it’s a duck house! We are planning to fence a large area around our blackberry patch and the ducks will live there and hopefully eat Japanese beetles and lay eggs and be cute. I keep trying, but can’t seem to tolerate chicken eggs anymore. Hoping that duck eggs might work for me? Also, any advice on making them friendly? Will it come with time? They are very scared of me and my very scary hands coming towards them.
I texted a friend recently that my girls and I were watching goat birth videos on YouTube. I asked her, “What was I thinking?” Our little goat, Tilly, is due to give birth this week. Today even. I’m not one for blood, fluid, and birth and all of that. Actually, I shudder at the word “fluid” and have to look away when I’m getting my blood drawn. Pain is fine, blood is not. I kept my eyes closed through my own five homebirths. Just give me the baby. As far as Tilly’s birth goes, please, oh please, let those goat babies be in the right position. Regarding the possibility that they might not be, my sister said to me on the phone, “Just reach in there, Ginny! You can do it!” Ummm. I don’t think so. I will call the vet. But of course, she’s forty-five minutes away. I’m calm. I’m calm. I’m calm.
Everything is going to be okay. Or it’s not. But that’s okay too. Right? Yes. We are going to be just fine. As my granddaddy used to say, “Think about flowers and pretty things.” He also used to say, “That’s the program and then you die.” Ha! Nevermind that second one. Let’s focus on the flowers. (Edited to add–My Aunt Genie just told me that my grandaddy actually would say, “That’s the program, darling.” My mom added the “And then you die” part! And the combination of the two became one of our family sayings. Please share your own uplifting family sayings!)
I actually have a lot on the schedule for today, but I am going to try to find time to sit down with this book. (affiliate link) If you love flowers and need something beautiful to look at, I recommend it and her first book as well! Larkspur has always loved arranging flowers, and my younger kids are planning a flower farm now. Actually, Jonny and I have talked about doing that for about twenty years. We talk about doing a lot of things. At the very least, we’ll have zinnias and cosmos this year.
p.s. I finished what I’ve been calling my quarantine shawl and it’s on the blocking mat now!
p.p.s. Thank you, thank you for all your orders! I’m sorry that things sold out so quickly and that some of you didn’t get what you were hoping for. I did not expect that response and I’m so grateful! Etsy actually sent me a concerned email wondering if I could handle the volume. Of course, I can! Some of your orders went out on Saturday and the rest are packaged and will be shipped today. Are any of you interested in seeing undyed mordanted yarn in my shop? I have a bunch of single-ply fingering weight skeins that are washed and mordanted and ready to dye, and maybe you want a project to do? I had planned to dye it, but think I need to focus on another batch of headscarves and getting playsilks back in my shop.