Hello!
I’m back!
That would make more sense if I had written here how I’ve been feeling for the past couple of months. But I wanted to understand what exactly was going on before I did.
If you’ve been reading here for long, you know that I suffer from depression and anxiety at times. As far as depression goes, it’s mostly been a seasonal thing up until the past five years or so when things started seeming a little consistently bad. When it began to seem like I was dealing with something beyond my seasonal stuff, I went looking for some professional help. This was in the year after Silas (he’s 5 1/2 now) was born. I saw doctors a couple of times for bloodwork to look into my thyroid function, but despite having all the symptoms of hypothyroidism, those doctor’s told me my numbers weren’t within treatment range and basically sent me home. I didn’t argue, because I didn’t like the idea of taking medication. I believed I could fix myself if I just worked hard enough. I changed my diet, going strictly gluten free, and did have stretches of feeling better. However, I think I have been coping with depression more often than not since Silas was born. Bad things have happened, and I thought that maybe life itself was just getting me down. There’s been a lot of loss these past few years. Family, and friends have died. Friend’s babies have died. I had a difficult pregnancy and birth (Job’s) that left me unable to walk long distances without pain (still). Life has been unpredictable, hard, and just plain sad at times.
Last fall–well fall 2015, after running some bloodwork, my obstetrician put me on medication for my thyroid (early on in my pregnancy with Mabel), and within a week the depression that I had been battling lifted. I felt like myself again and it was amazing. I could hardly believe how much better I felt, and how quickly. When you’ve battled depression, you don’t take feeling good for granted. The real me is a positive, high energy person. I tend to see the good in most things, and am pretty darn good at practicing contentment no matter my situation. Depression robs me of that, of the real me. And I hate it. For what it does to me, and my family.
Needing to figure out what is going on for the longterm, outside of pregnancy, I scheduled an appointment at a local doctor’s office that came highly recommended. Before I could see the doctor, I had to have lots of bloodwork done and saw only the P.A.s. It was suggested to me that I switch to a more “natural” drug, and I agreed it was worth a try. That was early December. My instructions were to take the new drug for at least six weeks, and then repeat my bloodwork and return to see the doctor. I started feeling bad within days of switching drugs. The inside of my head turned into a really ugly place. Bad went to worse, and I should have probably gotten switched back right away, but I wanted to give this more “natural” treatment a real go and have the bloodwork done to see what it did for my levels, rather than just going by how I felt. And I started wondering if maybe my real problem was postpartum depression anyway. Or maybe I was just crazy? I had my labs drawn about a week before my scheduled appointment with the doctor, literally counting the days until I could see her and find out what was really going on. That appointment was Monday this week, and she swept into the room all smiles and positive energy, which I love (inspires confidence!) and told me that my levels were terrible, that I was having an auto-immune “flair” and that I have Hashimoto’s disease. So now I know. My meds have been changed, and I am already feeling so much better. I can actually get out of bed in the morning without a long mental battle first. I’m not sad about every. single. thing. And, I am eating dairy free (dying!!!!!!) in addition to my usual gluten free diet. My lovely doctor sent me home with instructions on how to eat, how to supplement, and a suggestion that I read this book after I explained that I must operate at 100% (at the very least). No room for feeling so bad!!
I am obeying doctor’s orders and truly thanking God for her, for good meds, and for coconut milk. And, I am knitting HATS. Hats are fast and always needed. I discovered the joy of colorwork last week when I knit Beatrix a Hillier Hearts cap. That pattern is so fun, so quick, and just all around great. In other hat knitting news, Job claimed Jonny’s sacrificial ribbed beanie, so I knit Jonny a new hat too. That pattern is pretty fun, though next time he’s getting a hat with some sort of colorwork whether he likes it or not, because that is my new thing. Silas requested a red hat with yellow lightning bolts, but I can’t deliver on that one for lack of appropriate yarn or pattern. Instead I cast on a blue Hillier Hearts cap and replaced the hearts with sort of grayish (same as Bea’s main hat color) snowflakes that I improvised. It isn’t very good because there isn’t enough contrast between the yarn colors and snow isn’t really gray anway, and it’s definitely not yellow lightning on a red hat. So, I will probably have to knit Silas another hat when I finish the dirty snowflake hat. No big deal. Hats I can do. Right now I feel like I can do all sorts of things which is so much better than the way the past couple of months felt.
p.s. Sorry for the personal health saga. But I had to tell you. 🙂
p.p.s. Realizing that you might want to know what that toy is that Job is playing with. Those are his bees! He loves them.
Rebecca says
Ginny, you sound more yourself! Praise the Lord! I’m glad you’re doing better. I don’t have thyroid issues but I do have food allergies. I am able to do goats milk but am quite allergic to cows milk. I also do a lot of coconut milk… ☺I hope you continue to heal and thrive! It’s hard when you’re depressed and feeling drained, and have a large family to care for.
Linda says
I am glad that you told us! I have been checked and checked for my numbers as well and they always say they are ok. well something is not ok because I struggle just like you do. It’s so hard and tiring. Maybe I will talk to my doctor since I have a new now. Your photos are beautiful and soothing as usual. Hugs.
Only in Louisiana ~ documenting the adventures we call "Life"! says
From your beautiful photos it was hard to tell, but so nice that you keep it real and let everyone know that your life has ups and downs too. I suffered terribly with an undiagnosed auto-immune disease that went undiagnosed for years. Chronic fatigue and pain took most of the joy from my life, and when you wrote about mentally cheerleading yourself out of bed, I completely get it! I had a hard time blogging when I was really down, as it felt like a farce. My photos made it look like all was OK, and it wasn’t. I should have shared my personal dilemmas instead of quit blogging. Now that I am properly diagnosed and on the right medication, life is soooo much better and blogging is fun again. I hope the medicine continues to help you feel better as you are great inspiration to many people!
XOXOXO
Ann says
Appreciate your sharing of what you have been through. It will inspire those that are feeling the same and look into what is happening to them. Your honesty and sharing of it is a gift.
Gigi says
Oh Jenny, I’m so glad you found answers and help for your illness! And so pleased to know you’re feeling so well!
God bless you and your sweet family ??❤️??
Kathy says
Thank you for sharing. As women, we seem to think we should be able to fix things by just trying harder, as you said – that has been my experience anyways! I too suffer from both depression and anxiety, not being able to get out of my own head is horrible. Hope you continue to feel better, and please continue to share with us.
Carie @ Space for the Butterflies says
My thyroid likes to go for an overactive wobble from time to time and I know exactly what you mean about finding the right medication that makes you feel like you again – it can be such a hard balance but I’m glad you’re feeling much better 🙂
Melanie says
So happy you are feeling better! As always, your pictures are gorgeous!!! 🙂
Jennifer Miller says
I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s when I was 8 after a case of the chicken pox that wasn’t so bad blister wise but was terrible fever wise (which is why I got them again 10 years later). Anyoo, I just turned 48 and my numbers are awesome. You can do it. It just takes some time to get dosages right.
CathieJ says
I have a mild form of hypothyroidism also. It can really mess with you. Drug changes and interactions can mess with you also. My 89 yr old mom just had one of her heart medicines changed to the generic form by her insurance and immediately suffered side-effects. It took several long weeks to get it changed back. I had an awful neurological reaction to Lipitor that took over 6 months to resolve and still sometimes affects me during times of stress almost 4 years later. I wish you good health both physically and mentally. Enjoy all of your hat knitting. Working with yarn can be quite peaceful.
Mary says
Thank you for sharing. I think sharing and talking is so important as it helps all of us. I find it hard to get up and do something without the challenges of having a huaband and children.
GretchenJoanna says
But what a good outcome of your too-long scary story. Because it is scary to be unable to do your work and to not know if you are crazy, or if you will ever get help. I am so thankful for modern medicine when it works this way! God bless you! (I am also very thankful for coconut milk!)
Sue says
Check out Dr Amy Myers, The autoimmune Solution and Thyroid connection. Has worked for me, no drugs. Hope you feel better!
Lola says
I’m so glad that you are finally on the mend. Our family has a compromised endocrine system, so thyroid disease and diabetes are things that we face. Unfortunately the basic thyroid test does not always point to thyroid disease. The numbers can be perfectly fine, but its the test for the antibodies that gives you the answer. Unfortunately they cannot do anything about those antibodies. Medicine can help bring it down, but not get it in the “normal” range. That is where we must be diligent with our diet, and to some extent the medication we are on. I was on a generic thyroid medication, and in the last few months became tired, put on a lot of weight, etc. My doctor switched me to Synthroid and it has made a huge difference. Hope that you continue to improve each day!
jennyann1126 says
Oh goodness YES! Autoimmune thyroid disease can disguise as depression along with a slew of other mental issues. I have Graves disease, hyperthyroid autoimmune disease. And it flares up with pregnancies and hormone issues badly. Did you catch the Thyroid Sessions that Dr.Isabella Wentz just did? They were free and I streamed them online. Not sure if they are still available, but she’s a genius and they were amazing. Definitly worth checking out. I thought I knew everything as far as contributing factors to AI. thyroid disease. My doctor, Dr.Osansky was interviewed on them as well. He’s in NC and we do everything by phone or email since I’m in GA. I also recently discovered that I prob have the H.Pylori bacteria bc that causes HG in pregnancy and also can be a root cause of Graves. I will be praying for you on your healing journey. God bless!
Jacque says
I am so glad you have found out about your Autoimmune Disease. I have battled Hashimoto’s for 20 plus years and just now added the dietary piece (gluten and dairy free/ Autoimmune Paleo) in the last months. AMAZING results! I am so sad my medical doctors are so poorly educated in nutrition. I am a nurse and am sad I waited so long to do what I have known I needed to do for years. I feel like the old new me! Blessings and may your journey continue to bring better health. Prayers for us all!
Zena says
I am so happy that you have found a resolution to your depression. I suffer from depression too although I am a positive person and have a grateful out look in life I just can’t shift the depression. Like you I have had some very sad times (deaths) and that has added to the depression but now I know that my auto immune disease discovered a year ago has been contributing to it. I was rushed to hospital and they found a cyst on my left ovary and endometriosis so we went down the holistic road. One year later I was rushed to hospital with the same issue, another cyst in on the same ovary. I was discharged from hospital this afternoon and waiting for surgery in a few weeks. I am considering a non-holistic approach this time but will still take my vitamins and be stricter with my diet – no wheat and sugar etc. I am so glad you are sharing this because these kinds of issues – thyroid, endometriosis, pcocs and depression are epidemic issues with women now a days and we need to have more of a dialogue so we can help each other and share our experiences.
Kate says
Modern medicine doesn’t help anyone without a doctor willing to listen and believe you–thank God you found both! Glad you have a diagnosis, a plan, and a return to yourself.
Luz Maria says
So glad to hear that you are feeling much better.
Michele Chronister says
As a fellow sufferer of anxiety and depression, I just have to tell you that I am SO HAPPY for you!!! Good treatment really makes a huge difference!!
KAde says
I have found you an inspiration for sometime now but this revelation has taken you to a new level! I would certainly never have guessed how much you were suffering by your posts. You seem to be always thinking of and reaching out to help others and the way you write about your family and your home and your creative pursuits is always so positive and uplifting! Thank you for having the humility to share with us your struggles with the “dark side,” – even that you manage to write about in such a way that it inspires. God bless and keep you.
Martha says
Oh Ginny.. So sorry to hear about how you’ve been doing and feeling! You sound so relieved and positive, I think I would be really freaked out with that diagnosis. But it’s so hopeful to know there is an answer and hopefully real solutions that provide quick results! My oldest daughter has celiac, also an autoimmune disease as you probably know, and it has been a very hard and long road with her, and we’re not out of the woods yet. It’s very exhausting! We are about to go dairy free with her as well, having been gf for almost two years now. Can u still do goats milk? We bought a fairly inexpensive ice cream machine and make our own ice cream with canned full fat coconut milk and it’s not bad! 😉 anyway, thanks for sharing and I will be praying for you!
susan says
am so glad to hear you are feeling better. i love reading about your family. i have suffered with depression and anxiety for some time. have found a decent place to be right now. its not 100% but its close. love the hats. i keep hearing about that book, i might need to grab a copy at the library to see. thanks for sharing
Bunnifer says
So so glad you are feeling better. I have hypothyroidism too (not hashimotos) but I start to feel crappy long before my numbers are “out of range”. I’m glad for a doctor who gets that and works with me on it. All that to say that I know what you mean by “I’m back!” And so glad you are.
Donna Fry says
So happy for you, finding your answer after listening to your body telling you, “something ain’t right here”!!
A couple of my siblings also have Hasimoto’s Disease, genetically linked, it is. I have hypothyroidism, being diagnosed in my late 40’s, with early gray hair, missing the outer 3rd of my eyebrows, yellowish color around my mouth like Fred Flinstone. I know when it is time to see my medical provider to see about a med adjustment-sore hand and body joints, sluggishness, exhaustion, etc. Glad you are feeling better and thanks for sharing this part of your journey.
Linda Nichols says
Ginny I am so glad you are feeling better and got some answers. Thank you for your honesty and sharing your life with us. I am going to get my thyroid checked.
Jillian J says
I am so happy to read you are feeling more like yourself!!!
The phrase that if mom isn’t happy then no one is happy is true! Or at least it feels that way when the lows get too low.
Julie C says
Thank you so very much for sharing. You are one fantastic lady!
Meghan says
Thank you so much for posting this Ginny. I have an endocrine disorder that I’m very quiet about, but it’s better to share because it could helps others. It took years and by chance an excellent doctor to catch it. I’ve had my thyroid levels checked and they came back normal, but this is making me think I need to push a little harder…..not in my nature to be pushy! This is too important to miss, I just kept thinking it was life in general bringing me down. I’ll be making an appointment with my family Doctor first thing this week. Thank you Ginny, *this* is why you’re the one blog writer I’ve stuck with!! ??
Karen B. says
So glad you are feeling better and have the correct diagnosis! Battling depression and anxiety is just awful! My adult daughter lives with me and has lived with both for years! So from personal experience I know how difficult it has been for you. Be good to yourself! I’m really happy you have that lovely family to help you with love and a helping hand. God bless you!
Stephanie Joy says
Oh, it is such a relief to finally get the right diagnosis and then get treatment that really makes a difference! Thank you for sharing your journey through this. Prayers for you as you continue to work through it, finding the right medication, diet, etc. My dear friend was diagnosed with Hashimotos after a difficult pregnancy followed by a traumatic miscarriage. She said finally getting the diagnosis was like finding a path to follow “out of the woods” of depression, fatigue, and frustration. I hope the same is true for you!!
Beautiful hats. I always love your aesthetic, dirty snowflakes included!
Marion says
I am sorry for all you have gone through. Happy that the doctors have found out the problem and you are now feeling better. Ginny your children are beautiful. God Bless
Marion
Naomi says
Oh Ginny, how awful to suffer and to have to care for family as well. It’s so hard when something takes over our real selves. So glad you found answers!
tara says
Oh Ginny,
I’m so sorry you had to go through all that, but so glad you found a solution!
I’ve been off dairy for the past few months because one of my babies is allergic (I’m nursing twins) and IT’S SO HARD!! Treat yourself to some cashew milk ice cream if you have a store that carries it near you.
Naomi says
When I was nursing twins I was Hungry.All.The.Time, making DF even harder. Good luck!
tara says
It’s impossible!! I’m always hungry. I eat so many PB&J sandwiches because I can’t have cheese and almonds and need a quick snack.
Naomi says
I didn’t eat much dairy either when I was nursing them and I’m trying to remember what my go to foods were, but those first two years are kind of a hazy blur (and it wasn’t that long ago, they are four now).
Linda Martin says
Thanks for sharing your story, in particular the hard parts that let us know we’re not alone in our struggles (whatever they may be). I love following you and your sweet family! Keep us posted and so happy you’re feeling better! ❤
Becky Barry says
Hi Ginny,
Wow you have had a run! So glad to read that you are on the mend! Thyroid is a bugger when it goes out or off. Hang in there and continue to heal! As usual the pics here and your knitting have made the sunshine for me today. Bless you and thank you!
Angell says
P.s. make sure to monitor close family members for sign of an autoimmune disorder, especially the females in your family. All of the females in my family have an autoimmune disorder, even my aunts. I don’t say this to scare you, but knowing you have one allows you to watch for and pursue treatment in others more easily!
Jacque says
This is so true and very important! 3/4 girls have AI in my siblings and both of my parents!! Know the signs and demand it not be overlooked by the medical communities.
Angell says
Oh! My father-in-law has Hashimotos and though he eats healthy and runs everyday he still struggles with it. It is very much aggravated by stress. He is on a prescribed emedication as well as some natural supplements. He swears by chagga tea (its a mushroom) to help keep his hashimotos under control. So sorry you are dealing with this!
Fanny Lang says
So glad you have found relief for your hody and mind. And thank you for sharing. I have been struggling similarly for a while now and never seem to make time to take care of me. If it was my kids, I’d be at the doctor yesterday. You have given me hope that I won’t be like this forever, and inspiration to hurry up and go in so I can start coming back to life. Thank you .
Now, cast your cares on Him, for He cares for you!
Wendy says
Oh, Ginny, I have been going through similar struggles here and I can’t tell you how much hope this post has given me. Thank you for sharing!
Kate says
Don’t apologize for the “personal health saga”! I’m sure this will help a lot of women. Being able to treat the root cause is much better than thinking you are going crazy. I’m so happy for you. And when your kids are adults they won’t be telling their friends crazy mom stories. (Well, my kids might think I’m nuts about some things but not certifiably mental).
P.S. “The Oxcart Man”! That was one of my favorite picture books to read to the kids.
Alice R. says
So glad you are feeling better. Why do we always think we can fix it if we try harder? Love the new knitting!
Renee Anne says
I’m glad you got things figured out. My bestie from back home was also recently diagnosed with Hashimoto’s after gaining an absurd amount of weight for no reason and going from her normally bubbly self to a mess (to be fair, she also had some personal issues going on that exacerbated the issue). At least it’s something that is treatable and it can be handled. And you’ll be back to feeling like your normal self 🙂
Laurel says
I’m sorry you’ve been suffering so much, Ginny. My sis-in-law (she’s only 26) has Hashimoto’s. From the comments here, it seems like a common disease amongst women, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to deal with. Hoping and praying you continue to find relief with your new doc and regimen! <3
Sherry Lee says
What you wrote rings true for me as well. Went to see a “natural” doctor Fall 2016 and was told of Hashimoto’s and food allergies. So, now gluten, dairy, and egg free. Praise God for feeling better! May you be Blessed!
Annie Kitching says
Wow that sounds just awful. Having undergone a panic attack a few years ago – it was kind of a sudden a deep state of depression and anxiety – I know how awful it is when your own self-control and self-discipline – and even PRAYER can’t shift things. However, no one reading your blog would have guessed, so you were holding it together very well.
No dairy? I think that would throw me into a state of depression right there. At least you don’t have anything to give up for Lent. You’ve got a regular Carmelite fast going on.
Thanks for reminding me of the bees. I saw them and fell in love with them, but didn’t get them because Monnie already has a “Sorting Pie” for the same skill set….. Yet….those bees are just so darned adorable. I want them myself.
Briana Elizabeth says
I’m so happy for you!!!! After 7 long years of utterly bizarre symptoms, endless Drs brushing me off, and never feeling myself, I went to the right Dr who diagnosed me with Lupus.
I’m dairy and gluten free, too, and I take specific supplements to aid my symptoms.
When I was trying to find out what was wrong with me, I actually brought Root Cause, and read thought it. I’m so glad your Dr knew about it!
To your health. I’m glad you’re recuperating.
Helena says
I’m so glad you were able to get answers and appropriate treatment and that that you’re feeling better now! May it continue!
Tisha says
Hashimoto’s for 20+ years. One good resource I have found is Stop the Thyroid Madness! I’ve often wondered if there is a connection between abuse/trauma and suboptimal thyroid. Unfortunately I don’t have the credentials to do the research. I am so glad you are feeling better. I hope you have the love and support you need.
Jodie West says
So glad to hear you are feeling better. I pray you continue to improve and recover. I have a friend and family member with hashimoto’s and I have seen how they struggle. Prayers for you and your beautiful family.