As it should. Though an aspect of blogging that I have always particularly enjoyed is the visual creation of something cohesive surrounding a moment, an event, or a finished project. There’s just something satisfying about that and it has always been a nice antidote to the chaotic nature of life. When everything is messy, I can still craft something tidy and beautiful on the screen. Not a lie, but a small window. However, I find that I am rarely able to make my life fit into any tidy thematic blog posts anymore.
For Seth’s birthday, Jonny and Seth took a fossil hunting trip, just the two of them. During the couple of days they were gone every bad thing happened. I called my mom to laugh over the ridiculousness of it all. I spent nearly three hours cleaning up after a sick dog without shedding a tear, but upon discovering beans dumped out on the lower level of the fridge, I sat down in the floor and cried. The last straw, I guess. My mom and I talked about all the amazing ways that God brings good from bad. I laughed and asked what good we thought might come from me cleaning up all that dog crap. She told me, “Well, your grandaddy used to say, ‘That’s the program and then you get the big surprise.'” Ha! A series of hardships and then you die. My family has an interesting sense of humor.
I told my mom that I am the happiest I’ve been in many years. This despite the fact that we went broke buying the land around our property to stop it from being developed and then promptly went into debt as everything we owned decided to break in the ensuing months. Buying that land felt so “grown-up,” though there have certainly been consequences. I’m dyeing lots of yarn, and while I am doing it for love of the process and just really awed by all the ways that this suits me perfectly, I started selling it in the face of a bill we couldn’t pay. I don’t think I would have been confident enough to do it if necessity hadn’t played a role. I’m almost grateful for the debt because it prompted me to explore and expand something that I love. See! Good from bad!
Bea fell and cut her wrist a few days ago, then fainted while sitting in Jonny’s lap. (This was the first time this has happened to her, though it also happens to me. Something lovely I passed on to her: passing out!) In those short moments Larkspur thought her “Only sister,” as she retold the experience later, had died and she felt devastated for those few seconds. She struggled for a couple of days to shake those frightening moments. It’s possible that in recognizing how much she loves her sister, the sisterly squabbles lessened for a day. These reminders are good: we remember how much we love and we are reminded to love.
Life is so fragile, and rarely goes as planned or expected, but we continue to trust that in the end the big surprise will be a very good one.