I am waiting for my insides to catch up with my outsides. I guess that’s a funny way to start a blog post! There’s just always so much going on and I am trying to learn how to live this particular season without feeling stressed by the weight of the neverending to-dos. How often to I mention this? Do I sound like a broken record yet? By nature, I really love the feeling of completion or accomplishment when something is “done.” These days, I typically go the whole day without stopping and still don’t have a feeling of “finished!” at the end of the day. I have to tell myself, “Ginny, just quit. One has to sleep.” Or, ahem. “One has to knit.” And I leave those three baskets of laundry, or whatever it is.
This isn’t a situation of needing to make my children do more chores. They have more chores. This isn’t about anything in particular. There isn’t an answer because the problem is all in my head. This is simply, big family life with a lot going on. I am meant to adapt, and not let just living stress me out. I think the answer lies in focusing on just the next thing, and doing that next thing joyfully, leaving all the rest for later. If I let my mind start racing with all that needs to be done, I kind of lose it internally sometimes. These are the times when my very perceptive oldest child asks me, “Mommy, are you stressed out?” High pitched, “No?” But yes, lots of times I am. I want to get it all done, and do it well. But that is no longer possible, the getting it all done. So I have to switch gears. I have to change my list. I have to breathe slowly and drink tea whose name tricks me into thinking that all will be fine as long as I am sipping it. I have to remember to pray and ask for help. All these things though, they require for me to slow down for a second and really pay attention. Yes, I have to make my outsides slow down. Since when did homeschooling and housework become an emergency? My first job is to love. Anything that is stopping me from doing that can’t possibly be very important.
p.s. Ever been sitting at your desk at the end of the day and turned around to see your child holding a giant hornets’ nest? Even empty, it’s a little unsettling!