The dogwoods will be in full bloom on Good Friday this year. They don’t always line up that way, and I love it when they do. I can hardly believe that we have already nearly made it to Easter Sunday. This Lent didn’t go the way I planned in any way. We had the flu through the first week and that was all it took to seemingly erase all my plans and good intentions. My friend Elizabeth wrote a piece about God planning your Lent, and I really took comfort in her words.
So I thought we’d rally this week, and that somehow I would figure out a way to make it feel holy. It didn’t happen. In fact, this week has been incredibly stressful. Jonny and I are making big life changing decisions. Those that remind us that we’re not kids anymore. And for the past four or five nights, Job has been waking up nearly every hour. I’m exhausted to tears. Earlier this week I called a friend sobbing so hard that all I could manage to spit out were the words, “No one has died” to reassure her that there was no real crisis. I could hardly explain what was wrong. She talked me through it and prayed with me.
I’ve been doing these little nutty tasks that soothe my brain. I went through my Amazon wishlist of books and looked them all up at my local library. Those they had I requested and then deleted from the wishlist. It was really satisfying. I’ve been going through our books, pulling quite a few to donate, selling a few that are worth selling, and reorganizing them all in the process. It makes me feel better. I can’t control my life, but I can control my books.
I can’t make Holy Week feel holy. It just is. Thank goodness I don’t have any control over that.