I was feeling pretty bad a couple of days ago, looking around at my messy house, wondering how in the world I am supposed to manage everything. Somewhere between dinner and cake, I actually ended up in a crying heap on my bed on Larkspur’s birthday. I am feeling better now. But, I thought I might take time to write myself out a little pep talk. Maybe next time I find myself in tears because I just can’t seem to cut it, I can revisit these words, and remember to go easy on myself. Obviously none of us can “have it all” nor can we do it all. I want to be able to live my convictions with confidence, not apology. I’m getting there.
A friend who visits us regularly and knows what our everyday life really looks like recently mentioned a conversation he and his wife had about us. They were discussing our lifestyle in general, and the fact that our children “run wild” (translation=they play outdoors a lot and are free to build, create, explore…and they often look disheveled and dirty.) He noted that they are really happy kids, and we are clearly a happy family. Yes, we are.
But sometimes, I find myself falling into a trap. I start focusing on the mess that our lifestyle creates, rather than the joy. Rather than noticing all that we accomplish, I notice all that I fail to do. Quite simply, I forget my priorities.
Our girls drag blankets, pillows, and dolls outside and they don’t always make it back in for a few days. Last week we spread a quilt in the backyard for a picnic, forgot about it, and then it rained for a couple of days. Yesterday I remembered to shake it out, bring it inside, and wash it.
Our boys hunt the woods and old homesites for treasure and bring it all home. In other words, most of their toys don’t come from Toys R Us, they come from ancient trash piles. They combine their “treasure” with bricks, rocks, and wood to make elaborate outdoor kitchens, pretend stores, and houses. Sometimes they use cardboard boxes in the front yard and then it rains and then the cardboard is left in a soggy heap until someone gets around to dragging it to the recycling bin. We live in the country; there’s not a neighborhood association. There’s no one to peek over the fence, so to speak. Recently we were visited by some people wanting to share their faith with us. I answered the door in pajamas covered with bits of fabric and thread. We were getting ready for Larkspur’s birthday and I just couldn’t invite them in. I explained that our day was full, but didn’t make any excuses about the mess. Our front porch was covered in bikes, shoes, and even a dishwasher, as we just replaced ours and the boys want to take apart the old one. Our kids were playing outside, messy haired and muddy. I laughed as the people drove away, wondering what they must be thinking.
The front porch is still covered in bikes, shoes, and treasures, but Jonny did move the dishwasher to the back of his truck today. The back porch is host to what may appear to be a crazy big mess, but is really a carefully crafted manifestation of my children’s imagination.
We are building and maintaining relationships here. We are creating. We are learning. We are growing. We are celebrating LIFE. We are loving.
And honestly, I am doing a good bit of cleaning as well. These little people are just really good at erasing my tracks.
My mom sent me this quote in an email today:
“Sometimes what may seem like failure to succeed is the greatest of successes.
It just may not feel like success while it’s happening or while we are recovering.”
*End of pep talk*
Tonya Richard says
Wow Ginny, what an awesome post. I don’t comment often, but I read your blog faithfully. I can relate to you so much. I have been feeling the exact same way this week, and needed this reminder of what is really important.
molly says
Ginny,
I think you’re the cat’s pajamas.
xo,
M
Jess says
I love the top picture with the baby sat there watching! That was me, six kids and I miss them all so much. They’re mostly all grown now, I have one teenage daughter still at home and I savour every mood, every slammed door, every hug. 🙂
I really enjoyed coming here to visit you today, it reminds me of my lucky, lucky life with a big family. You’re doing a fantastic job. YaY to big families! 🙂
Jess xx
Emma says
Ginny, I have often been there. Someone says ” I love how you raise feral children,” and I suddenly realize what this might look like from the outside. That is why I love this blog, because I know that I am not alone. But my daughter (10) reads this too, and I must say, your boys do have very creative ways of getting messy, that she finds very inspiring…
Flying Squirrel says
Well, when you have such nice taste, your “mess” doesn’t look too bad either! I mean, these are pretty handmade quilts we’re talking about! But seriously, when your children are grown up, they’re going to remember that they were welcomed lovingly and generously into a home that values life—not just “pro-life” but all the joy and chaos that comes with it! In just a few short years, they won’t be covering themselves with mud every day, and they’ll all be able to pitch in with the cleaning. This…dirt…. will just be a memory. You’ll have caught up on your sleep and gotten the energy you need to face the needs of the day.
(This is becoming a pep talk for me now, sorry!)
Heather says
I think that I need to bookmark your pep talk for me…although I would imagine my need to revisit 3 times/week 🙂 Our house is always a disaster. I think it is obviously because we really live in our house. We spend our time running in our yard, we bring treasures in from the outside. We play with ALL of our toys. It is my reality right now, and while the constant cleaning up is kind of crazy at times, I have to remember that I want to have my family with me all day, and am thankful that we are able to all be here and enjoy each other. Great post!
Bridget says
Your home and family are a lot like the one I grew up in. I am one of ten children. We had chickens and gardens and tons of adventures. We played mud kitchen all the time. We played king of the mountain on the pile of dirt down the road, where construction on a house had stopped. All I can say is that it was awesome! I try really hard to provide as much of these same things for my kids. I think you are doing an amazing job!
Susan says
Lovely!
Where is the picture of the porch?:)
sarah says
you are fortunate and blessed.
in suburbia, there is no running wild.
🙁
Sara says
I often read your posts and think, “wow I hope my girls can be this happy and carefree.” And I realize that you give your children freedom that many parents will not allow. They are going to grow to be amazing people because of this! In reading todays post I actually realized that maybe I worry too much about the mess, breaking things and outcomes. Thank you for making me think about this. I may need to allow my girls to let loose a little more!
meghann says
What you describe, Ginny, is lovely. This life can definitely be overwhelming, can’t it? But oh, so beautiful. The mess is part of the beauty; we just have to keep reminding ourselves of that. xo
Camilla says
Thank you so much for that.
jennifer says
I totally understand where you are coming from. I only have two kids so the messes are much less overwhelming but still present. Also mine go to school now (one in K one in 1st) so I have all day to have a clean house, so I can see where you would get totally overwhelmed at times. I was laughing at your description of things still in the yard. My son was tromping through the woods and creek in the mud the other day and his mud covered clothes are still on the back deck. But I do know that having a house that is messy beyond your tolerance level is stressful and your feelings are important too, maybe a family meeting to let everyone know what kind of standards would make you feel better and how they can help or at least not hinder would help. After all, if Momma ain’t happy, nobody is happy!!
Julie says
Thank you for sharing this. I once complained to my visiting mother that the grass is so worn in our backyard and I was fearful that the exposed tree roots would damage the tree. She is wise. She said that someday I’ll look at the growing grass and sigh that there are no children there to wear it away. Her perspective after watching 6 children grow and move away and having said goodbye to a husband and 2 newborns, is so valuable to me. I hope I never forget her wisdom. Yours is valuable, as well. And hey, at least you did bring the quilt inside and wash it and put away the cardboard box. Afterall, time is relative.
Krystal says
This is the type of family that I hope to have someday soon.
Kate says
Ginny, you inspire me endlessly. Thank you for helping me to feel better today about my messy house.. so pleased that I’m not the only one!! There will be plenty of time for us all to have tidy houses in the future but the time for us to enjoy our little ones and provide them with a rich childhood passes all too quickly :o)
annita says
A very nice post… you are an encouragement to all the mommas who visit! Even a seasoned one like myself. My youngest is three but my oldest is nearly twenty-five… it has taken me many years and a lot of children to get to the point that you are at! Peace… happy weekend! +JMJ+
helene says
Wow.
Read what you wrote again and again when you’re feeling low and depressed about the mess. It’s such an inspiration…!
And because no matter what, mess does drag us down sometimes and we must not let it,
I get great help from the following mind game that I play when feeling dragged down :
“In 15 years, my children are gathered together, reminiscing. Do they talk about the heap of beautifully ironed clothes in their cupboards or about all the times they came home from school and there were mum’s fantastic chocolate cupcakes with the uncooked melted centers, waiting for them ? Do they smile lovingly as they remember how sparkling the bathroom always was, or do they laugh about the time they found all their socks put together in a joyous mismatch because I decided it was not my job anymore to sort 30 pairs of inside-out socks per week ? Do they shake their head in disbelief at how their suitcases were always packed in such an organized way, or do they remember how we once decided to go away for the week-end on the spur of the moment and were virtually gone within 30 minutes after hanging up from the phone call issuing the invitation? (that was a great one, pajamas on, toothbrushes forgotten, no change of clothes for mummy, no shoes for little sister, we had the best time!!!)
Let’s go bake some cupcakes.
Raewyn says
I’m pleased Leanne sent me here. I enjoyed reading this and while my kids are big now we are still able to make a mess, just being us and being busy doing that. I’m proud of how my kids have turned out – and I’m sure that stems from them being able to play, create and learn and grow the way they did.
I had a day recently when I seemed to get annoyed by something I couldn’t put my finger on.. I later realised it was “Beauty at the expense of Pracitality”. Identifying it helped me cope better!
Greer says
Thank you for this. Very wise words from a wise woman.
JenMun(a) says
this is a beautiful post and the quote is so true..
JenMuna
Andree says
oh how I miss having small children and a garden! It is lovely to watch them get messy and absorb themselves in great imaginative play. Don’t wish it away, they grow up, start painting their nails, fixing their cars and their are no more tea parties with muddy water 🙁
Sara Maternini says
Thanks ginny, because that was just the perfect reminder to appreciate all the mess, even if my parents are arriving today and my mom sure will disapprove 😉 But my children too are happy and that’s what it counts 🙂
amy@to love says
oh the story of my life!!!!! thank you for this pep talk, i needed the reminder! i believe you would feel at home if you happened to end up here 🙂
Heather says
I learned this a couple years ago although I need the gentle reminder every so often. I still apologize a bit when people come to our home, but we live a full life here and it shows. Breathe deeply, Ginny. No one does it all. We do what we can, laugh and love.
Brit says
Thank you for the pep talk; I needed to read it. I would love to live in the country … my boys would love to be your neighbor so they could explore, gather, and create with your children.
Deborah says
Don’t be too hard on yourself 🙂 Your a wonderful mother and your children are going to have wonderful memories that they will cherish forever! They probably wont even remember the mess! Thanks for being so transparent and sharing your heart with us. Its easy to feel alone I think – or feel like your the only one with a messy house and “wild” kids. I notice it at church sometimes my kids seem like the wild ones…but we are sooo happy. Thats really more important 🙂
Thanks for sharing and being you! You are such an inspiration!
Deborah Granick
Casey says
I LOVE this pep talk. As I type I can look out the back window and see a blanket and picnic set from 3 days ago. All at the same time we are selling our house so i’ve turned into a – “Don’t make a mess! Don’t play with your toys!” Mother and then realise with horror that I HATE that person! I can’t wait to move and have a place we can litter with imagination again. x
Evi says
Ginny, I am at the other end of all the lovely messes….the youngest of my 7 home educated children is now 9 and I am quiet teary just reading your ‘pep talk’. Our home was just that – and yes I felt just as you do. Now? I wish there were still picnic rugs and cardboard boxes in the yard and salvaged treasures in piles on the kitchen table and little children running free!
Yes, I often tore my hair out in frustration but now, when my older children tell me what an idyllic childhood they had (and they certainly don’t remember the mess as I am not the best housewife!) I see that the world for them was just as it should be – free and joyful!!
I reckon I’d feel right at home in your house…… ;o)
Ginny says
Thank you for your words Evi!
Chu says
Thank you for the pep talk. I think I will revisit this pep talk possibly more than you will. 🙂
Carolyn says
your openness to reveal weakness is how you have been blessed.
Thank you, peace be with you.
Mama Forestdweller says
Thank you so much for this post. I really, really appreciated it. It touched a chord in me – I think there will be plenty of days when I’ll come back and read this again! My kids run pretty wild, too. Our yard is definitely funky. There are serious unintentional dreadlocks in both our kids’ hair! I tend to like things pretty clean and organized, but I pretty much can’t keep up, and on occasion have had ‘blogger panic’ where I feel like I can’t keep up with the other mamas out there, either. I need to remember that it’s okay to let that go, and appreciate where we’re at.
Thanks so much, Ginny ~
Kate
Leanne says
Thank you! Your pep talk is just what I need today. sooo greatful you do not have a take a photo show how real your home is today linky thing.
Love Leanne Nz
Carolyn says
What a great idea, instead of “what you wanna remember day “it can be
“what I wanna forget Friday”. 😉
Ginny says
*never* I believe the pretty photos are just as “real” as the ones of messes and prefer to focus on them (of course I don’t typically take pictures of messes 🙂 )
Kelly says
I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time but have never commented before! I’m de-lurking to share with you one of my favorite verses.
Proverbs 14:4
Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty,
but from the strength of an ox come abundant harvests.
Be encouraged! Creative, happy playing & learning is far more important than a few messes! The kids will be grown before you know it and then you’ll have 30+ years of clean house and you’ll be wishing for some little people to mess it up! (At least, that is what I always tell myself…)
Amanda says
just the pep talk i needed. thanks ginny.
Emma says
Imagine your home all neat and zen and perfectly ordered like in a magazine. I’ve never seen any happy children in one of those magazine shoots. So boring! I do know someone whose home is picture perfect and whose life looks ideal from the outside, and I know that it does not create inner contentment or happy children, sad to say. Much love x
Ellen says
A good pep talk. No, we cannot do it all. Only God can. Humility and good organizational skills are hard work. 🙂 Oh, Ginny, I often feel as you do. Overwhelmed one moment and settled the next. And yeah for great imaginations in your kids. I need to encourage more of that…
Lisa says
Thank you so much for writing this! Like you, I have a more “bohemian” point of view on what’s really important in life. I have a dirty kid and a messy house, and I am baffled by people that are so concerned about how their house looks, what car they drive, etc. When I get overwhelmed by it all and feel like I am awful because my house is a disaster, I just try to remind myself that in the end when I am old and on my death bed, I will not think “Man…I wish I’d kept my house cleaner.” That’s just what helps me.
Seriously, your life is inspiring to me. 🙂
heathermama says
how is it that you were in my life today? i have been feeling cranky and overwhelmed and well i needed a pep talk too. Thank you so much. very very wise words. <3
Meryl says
I needed this today. As usual, thanks for the reminder.
Kelly @ Creating a Family Home says
That was a good pep talk — I think I needed one, too! I think half the battle is realizing that we’re missing the joy by focusing on the mess.
Sometimes it takes me a while to realize that I’m focusing on the wrong things and I’m missing out on what’s really important. Every so often I have a nice, happy day — like today — when it’s easy to focus on what’s good and everything feels right again. I got my clean slate back and I’m gonna try to keep it this way this time! Thanks for the talk. 🙂
Taryn Kae Wilson says
Thanks for writing this pep talk.
I must admit, I am one that really likes things to be clean and organized. I married a man who can be rather messy at times and then our son Bracken came along and well… as soon as something is picked up, it’s thrown all over the place within minutes. Oh well. I’m learning to live with it. 🙂
We live in the country too. There is an old greenhouse, rotten and barely standing, that needs to be torn down. Along with another out building. When we are working on projects, things can look rather “trashy” at times and I feel embarrassed when others see it. But we are building our dreams here one step at a time. And we love our life. (But when our life is messy I need pep talks too, so I can remember how much I love it.)
It seems I expect myself to be a “super-mom” and do it all, so no matter how much I accomplish, it is never enough. I know it’s silly and I need to let the heavy expectations of myself go. Mamas need to take it easy on themselves sometimes.
I really enjoyed your post. And I love your honesty- that’s something that has always drawn me in about your blog.
Have a wonderful night,
Taryn
Ines Brenneman says
I am so glad to have read your post today. I am a little like you and our house sounds a lot like yours. Our creative mess sometimes brings me to tears as well, I don’t have a showroom house where things are precious. We use every space and sometimes change those spaces to suit us, we are non conventional. Recently I have thought of our homes and why they are the way they are, it really makes little sense and sometimes doesn’t actually suit families. I like your way of living I imagine I’d feel very comfortable in your home and your children seem happy, well loved and cared for.
As a mother of four I can say I know that maintaining a clean and orderly home isn’t easy. I find myself even becoming a little down when I see on other blogs tidy well organised homes, but then i stop and think I am happy and wouldn’t stop the creative blur and whirlwind for anything or anyone.
Keep doing what your doing, keeping it real is important , sharing your way and the reality of your life is what makes you real in this funny world of blogging.
Happy times to you x
Natalie says
Thank you for this. I have been feeling the same for a while, and I hit my low point on Friday (I had my meltdown in the grocery store parking lot, no less). My thoughts were to write it out as well, and then I forced myself to a cool down period, and wrote about it on Monday. I like your point of view on it, and I think I may just write my own little pep talk the next time I have a meltdown. Thank you very much for sharing.
Erin @ Wild Whispers says
Wonderful. And SO. SO. TRUE.
Kim says
“We are building and maintaining relationships here. We are creating. We are learning. We are growing. We are celebrating LIFE. We are loving.”
Love these words and really isn’t this what it is all about? I think so.
Thank you for this post, it is beautiful.
Crystal says
Thank you Ginny. I think I needed this pep talk as well 🙂 I’m expecting my third baby, but have a dayhome for about 4 other children besides my own two. Somedays, I shake my head and wonder if I can go another day, or I get upset because I didn’t ‘do’ something- so thank you for reminding me, that while I may not have made my floors shine one day, I did, have a house full of happy, playing and learning, kids 🙂
Zane says
So beautifully said and lived. Clearly you have got your priorities straight (even if you need a pep talk now and then. . . don’t we all!). This is just what I needed tonight. I’m trying to make a big decision, and it helps so much to remember that sometimes the “failure to succeed is the greatest of successes.” Thank you, Ginny.
Cary says
Thank goodness!!!! It’s nice to know that your family makes messes and leaves blankets out in the rain… It’s refreshing to find out that you answer the door in jammies and allow your children to “run wild”.
From where I sit, your life looks beautiful, regardless of the mess. I come here every day to receive inspiration and I am so grateful that you are willing to share your amazing family with my family. You live with intention; your faith amazes me. You are a gift!
Thank you for being you!
Joy says
That, my friend, is SO lovely. When my house was completely gross last week as I spent every waking minute at the theater helping my daughter’s class prepare for their (multi-night) performance, and many weeks when I feel like it’s either cleaning/folding laundry or homeschooling, I totally get what you are saying. How many times have I shoved aside piles of *crap* to take blog photos of something amazing without the litter in the background. Running wild is the best, by the way. 🙂