Three of my favorite people whom I have “met” through blogging have recently posted their thoughts and motivations for blogging. I have found myself constantly reevaluating my own reasons for blogging during the past two years ( well, almost) I have been keeping this digital journal of sorts. I have written about this before, so I will skip straight ahead to right now. Right now my motivation for blogging is different than it was six months ago, and it might change next month as well, I never know, I just go with it. Over the course of two years I have written about many things many of which I almost never write about now: our Liberian adoption process, homeschooling, raising a child who has mild Asperger’s syndrome (the mild part being my addition), Catholic apologetics, birth control, gardening, you name it! I have wrestled with the concept of blogging in the hopes of reaching other women versus just blogging for myself or my family. The whole comment thing is hard for me. I am not good at leaving comments on other people’s blogs anymore because I just can’t. I do keep up with quite a few blogs, but have to read them in little bits here and there, and usually with my hands full, literally. By the time I finish reading a post, and then have time to process it and formulate a comment (I am not a quick thinker), the moment has passed, and I don’t make it back. On the other hand, I of course love getting comments here, which I realize isn’t fair. Especially because I rarely am able to even reply to any of the comments left here and I often want to. Too bad we don’t all have ESP.
Anyone who has been reading for awhile knows that our life changed dramatically a little over six months ago when our adoption was finalized. The combination of that and me having a high needs baby (after two “easy” babies-hate to describe babies as hard vs. easy but…) has meant that I am not quite able to do all that I used to. This new life has also forced me to become more mentally flexible than I ever thought I could be. And that sort of leads me to what I am doing in this space now. I am doing my best to find beauty in my life every single day, every single moment. This practice keeps me sane, keeps me grateful, and keeps me close to God. While I haven’t mastered this moment by moment, I do have the day thing down. This quest of mine to find God given beauty in my everyday life reminds me of God’s greatness, and also reminds me to thank him for every little thing. So while I enjoy sewing a dress for Larkspur, I do remember to thank God that I have the means and the ability to do so. I am thankful that while my house is messy, I can take pleasure in neat rows of knitted stitches. Knitting is great therapy for someone with OCD tendencies. I never thought I would even be able to sit down to an activity such as knitting with out first having a spotless house, but somehow knitting has made it actually easier to have a messy house. I guess that will only make sense if you are the same kind of crazy as me. I have always been a neat freak, and right now my house is all freak and no neat. (I am sorry for that last sentence. It is making me cringe as it is way too dorky but I make myself leave embarrassing things like that in sometimes because I think it is good for me.) Anyway, in my little quest for beauty amongst children who intentionally wet their pants, always do the opposite of what I ask, etc., my camera has proven to be so very very useful. The picture above is a perfect example. I have this weird obsession with Echinacea. I have taken way too many pictures of the masses of this flower that are blooming around my house. Tonight this little patch looked especially pretty, almost glowing in the twilight. Oh, and a cat in the background, perfect. A little patch of peace and pretty. Never mind the fact that only two feet behind my cat there is an embarrassing amount of trash. I am not talking neatly bagged either. I am talking about trash that the raccoons raided a couple of nights ago. A couple of nights ago…and we still haven’t managed to clean it up. So if you see photos, and my attempt to make everything look so pretty, but your house is not looking so clean today and that makes you feel bad (maybe that doesn’t happen to you , but it does happen to me, you know when someone else’s life seems really perfect and clean), keep in mind that my house probably isn’t clean either. Notice I do a lot of close up shots. However, if your house is super clean but you and your kids haven’t gotten outside and gotten really dirty lately, or you haven’t decided to leave the toilet cleaning for one more day so that you can spend your evening doing something lovely, maybe you should try it! I have never been happier than now, and I say that despite the fact that I deal with way more excrement than I ever thought I would on a daily basis.
I like this picture because I can look at it and just see a pretty little girl looking at the evening sky. A year ago, I would have hated the fact that her face is really dirty and you can see that we didn’t get around to repainting the trim on our house this spring as we planned. The new and improved (I think) me can not only find the pretty spot in a big mess, but I can also look at a big mess or a job not yet tackled, and find beauty there as well.
So does any of this seem like it relates to my blog? I hope so. Right now I am writing about what makes me happy for the most part, and what I would like to have reproduced in a book at the end of the year (Blurb book that is). I never really know what I will write about until the end of the day. Due to the fact that I am blessed with ADD, who knows what I will actually write about next…I am really trying to use this as a place to reflect on my blessings though. It may not be exciting, intriguing, or particularly interesting, but it’s what I need right now.
Anonymous says
I just have to say that those pictures are AMAZING! Whoever took them is an incredible photographer! I just found your blog and I love it. Thanks for sharing your story with others. I love your honesty and how real you are. Love it!
Lisa Thomas says
never met you in real life but have enjoyed reading your blog and our chats through email occasionally..still don't remember how i came across you…and can't keep up with reading every day or even every week but i always enjoy it when i do…one of these days we probably should hook up since we live so close!!!
Katherine T. Lauer says
I can't tell you how tickled I am to read about the scattered trash "off scene" in the beautiful floral and cat photo. Thank you so much for the reassurance that other blogging women don't have perfect, beautiful homes and idyllic lives.
Annie says
I don't have any problem commenting. Have you noticed? Blogging is just like a conversation to me. My only problem is that I always want to "comment" more than other people do – in such detail and responding to everything, so that I have to go back and erase a lot rather than take over people's comments section.You made me feel better in this post. I suppose that there is something rather unpleasant just out of sight of many of my photos, too. And, I also, sometimes blog to simply relive/experience more fully the joy of my life. You seem like a person who is striving to love, to live in the moment, to let God stream through you. I keep wanting to send you some of my favorite spiritual books simply because I somehow expect that MY favorites would be YOUR favorites. De Faucauld's "Practice of the Presence of God" is actually here on my desk. I didn't send it to you when I bought it for you (when you were super-expecting) because I was just too disorganized, and I haven't sent it to you since, because I figure you have no time to focus and read. In this post you inspired me to want you to read another favorite book of mine "Gratefulness" by Br. David Stendalrast. I worked up, but never posted on a blog intended to do just this – celebrate the beautiful joys in my life. I never posted on it because I figured it would be boring to people. Everyone responds so much more enthusiastically to my "troubled" posts. My life right now is like a lawn all dappled with light shining through the leaves – this part dark, then light all in an instant. So much joy, so much pain – often from the same sources. I'd say – "Isn't that parenthood?" But, no not always. My stint at parenthood with Aidan and Lydia was much more like a field of wildflowers….a rare buzzing thing, but that was all.I'm so glad I found this post – how could I have missed it the first time? And, in honor of your stream of consciousness….I've not even edited myself.Earnest, sensitive, thoughtful, loving, smarter than you give yourself credit for, insightful, sweetly simple, with an eye for the beautiful and a gift for creating it…. that's how I see you. You are attractive in the purest sense of that word. I wish so much I lived near you…
ManyBlessings says
PS-I would not only talk to you, I'd probably hug you too. PSS-Praying.
kim says
ginny, i can relate to so many things you said, and i was so relieved to hear someone else admit "hey, it might look perfect and pretty, but right behind there is a pile of trash…from 2 days ago". ha! believe me, i'm right there with ya. i think one of the most freeing feelings in the world is letting go of "perfect" and finding "beautiful" in the every day little moments that we all too often MISS while we're trying to live up to some superficial idea of a good life. that picture of larkspur is just beautiful and peaceful. thank you for sharing your pictures and your thoughts.
Essie the Accidental says
Oh yeah, and I love the pic. L clearly has a bright light inside her and far more important things to do than wash her face. I love that your trim is bright blue on your house!
Essie the Accidental says
You come across as fun, serious, smart, very interesting and considerate. I linked you in a post just now, but don't feel obligated to comment lol.I once heard something to the effect of, would you rather have a clean house or spend time with your children having fun, learning, experiencing, whatever. On your death bed, will you wish you had done more laundry? In 100 years, will anyone care? The legacy of your family will be there, but your laundry won't.Have a good one!
Sarah says
You are a wonderful person. I see a lot of me in you: the being akward in social settings, very dorky (only Jim and the kids know), etc… You are beautiful inside and out. What matters most is the time that we spend with our family not how clean our house is and your happiness is proof that you don't have to have that. Go on doing what you are doing because those moments that you spend with them they will remember more than the messy house. You are an aewsome mother and I could only wish that I could be more like my sister. And I love your blog it is a beautiful work of art and I am so glad for it. Love ya,Sarah
Amy says
Hi, Ginny. :)I found your blog about a month ago, and I think I've read almost all of it. I was addicted for a while there. I've told my mom and my husband about you – about different posts that have made me think.I have so much I'd love to say to you – I should start leaving comments. But as for this post, I want to say that I LOVE how dirty Larkspur's face is in that picture!!! It shows a little girl who played hard that day and is now inside at the end of a fun day, gazing out at the stars, wishing she were still outside playing. 🙂 So sweet.Oh, and I loved the neat freak sentence. I thought it was clever, but I'm a bit of a dork myself, I guess. :)My biggest impression of you is that you're a sweet and gentle mom. You're also very talented with things I stink at, which I really admire – like all things artsy or house-wifey.Your blog is a favorite place to visit. I love the way you write. Thanks for being here.- Amy
Lerin says
Your blog is hands-down one of my favorites… have I been reading you for aboout 6-9 months now? I love your photos, your adventures, reading about your kids. About the reading/commenting thing… I think a lot of us are in the same boat. It is easy toget sucked into the blogging world and read/comment so much that you start neglecting REAL life, you know? If you were able to read and comment on every post of every blog you follow, you'd be taking away from another part of your life. It's not worth it. 🙂
crispy says
I love your rambling thoughts. I can see you process as you are writing. I can see how you have embraced the stage of life you are in and are making the best of it. I too see a beautiful little girl looking out of a old window. I didn't even see the dirt on her face or the lack of new paint. I see the artistic lighting and your precious child. And I have told you before, you have beautiful children.Blogging and the reason for it changes for me to and like I had posted, I wonder if my blog is just too boring. I think I am missing the routine of school and I am ready to get back to it.
Bill and Christina says
What a wonderful post! I think that we all could do a little of what you are doing right now. Livin' in the moment looking for God's wonderful blessings big and small. I see you as a wonderful person. Sincere and nice. Real. I think you have an amazing family. Though life is hard at times with our children, they are ours and God has blessed us with them and given them to us to be faithful to and that is what I see. A faithful wife and mother who loves her children no matter what the day brings and seeks to find the wonder and the beauty in it. None of us are perfect therefore we do not have a perfect life but if we know Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior then we are are all sinners saved by grace and what more could we want in our lives. I for one love reading your blog and it's your blog, you do with it what you will and I will continue taking in the glimpses of your life and family that you share and I enjoy seeing.Christina
godlover says
I think you're perfect just the way you are. You come across beautifully and I am so glad you blog! You come across very personable. You're not whiny and you've got a great big heart ~ way bigger than mine, I'm afraid. Your search for beauty in the daily stuff, right in the middle of the daily stuff, is comforting. You are so gifted with your camera and I am blessed every time I look at one of your pics. Just continue to remember that God can be found any time we search for Him. Don't worry about your house or the pile of trash outside. Pay full attention to your children. They are only little once and believe me, when they get older and the years whiz by, you'll be so glad you took the time and spent it with them. It may seem like adulthood for your kids is light years away but let me tell you, when you get there you will look back and ask where all that time went. God bless you, Ginny!
Deb says
GINNY,I have been following your blog for about a month or two and have enjoyed getting glimpses of you and your family. What strikes me about you is your kindness and gentleness as evidenced by your words and photos. Keep on blogging.