Take a chance

I woke up Sunday and knew right away that it was going to be a sad day.  The past week has been incredibly difficult, and Sunday marked one week.  One week since the last time I talked to Sarah, and one week since the tragedy that led to her death.  It feels very strange to use the word death in reference to Sarah.  It just doesn’t seem possible.

Jonny took all seven kids to Mass on his own Sunday morning so that I could have some time alone in the house and could go to Mass by myself Sunday evening.  I went to the very last one, the 7:01.  Afterwards, rather than head home, I pulled into Belmont.  It was after eight p.m. and there was no one else there.  I walked the grounds and took pictures.  I tried to empty my head a little.  I’ve lost a close friend to death before, so this isn’t my first time to walk this path.  The hurt doesn’t fade quickly, and the loss changes you.  If you allow it, that change can be for good.

I don’t have the mental energy to write all that I would like to just yet, so I’ll leave you with something I came across as I poured through Sarah’s blog (and mine) over the past week, searching for all the little signs of friendship, the little pieces of Sarah.  Some of them were only known to Sarah and I, others were more obvious, like this exchange soon after we met:

Sarah wrote on her blog:

“I have a funny story about how I met Ginny who does the yarn alongs.  While reading various blogs, I kept running into these yarn alongs.  Having no interest in yarn or knitting, I never stopped to check it out.  One day, I clicked on the link, just for curiosity and found a woman who I know from church and who was good friends with other women I knew- Ginny!  I emailed her and probably sounded like a stalker, but she reciprocated with such kindness, I knew this one was a keeper 🙂 I’ve so enjoyed getting to know her and her sweet family. ”

I responded in the comments:

“well thank goodness for the yarn along, because I would have never gotten up the nerve to just walk up and introduce myself at church as much as I wanted to! I have been here nine years and was pretty much only friends with Lori for the first six! I think this needs to be a lesson to all of us–it’s always worth going out on a limb, because that interesting looking girl at church may need friends just as much as you do!”

Ladies, take a chance.  Go introduce yourself.  I wasted a year, too afraid to say,  “Hello.”

oldest and youngest (and flowers)

With an out of town baseball tournament for Keats and Gabe last weekend, I spent most of Saturday and Sunday with only Seth and Job.  Our younger kids enjoy tournaments and playing with the younger siblings of other players, but I felt that the car ride was a bit too long for Job (and for me).

Even with most of my time being spent with just my oldest and youngest children, the weekend was actually really busy.  A lot of time goes into preparing food and clothes and other necessities for tournaments.  Jonny arrived home with the kids late Saturday night only to turn around and drive back the following morning.  In the meantime I was soaking uniform pants, and trying to come up with healthy foods to prepare and pack.  Not a tiny “x” did I stitch, nor a stitch did I knit.

I did start a painting project though…

I need to do some re arranging in the house, and I’ve also been wanting to try Annie Sloan’s chalk paint ever since my friend Lori told me about it.  I sat up one night last week watching videos of Annie demonstrating different ways to use her paint, and knew I had to try it.  Job watched while I washed down and prepared to paint a bookcase that Jonny built about eight years ago.

I spent some time trying to choose the perfect color and ended up with “French linen.”

The woman working in the store where I purchased the paint warned me that I wouldn’t like my bookcase after the first coat.

She was right, and I’m glad I was warned.  The bookcase looked really ugly one coat in.  I was worried.  I said so to Seth, and he replied, “Well, it is kind of a boring color.”

(Seth used to flat out refuse to hold Job.  He doesn’t anymore and that makes me happy.)

Two coats in and it looked better.  Seth took another look at the bookcase and asked me, “Did you pick this color because it was the cheapest?”  For some reason, retelling the story to Jonny that night, I could hardly spit out those words without laughing to the point of tears.  Seth is a serious kid and rarely makes a joke.  For some reason, that one really got me, so much so that I grabbed a scrap of paper and wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget it.  I’m still working on the bookcase.  I have distressed it a bit to break up the neutral sea that it is, and I’ve got to wax it, which should be interesting.  I’ve not done that before.

Sunday afternoon, Seth, Job, and I took a trip to Belmont, mostly to wander the grounds and walk down to the river.  Seth seemed happy enough, but told me that I was having a lot more fun than he was.  Yes, I do enjoy that place.  (More from Belmont on a beautiful fall day over three years ago, and then just this past summer.)

(New gift shop at Belmont.  Lot’s of great things there!  I told Jonny that if he needs to take the kids somewhere to buy me a Mother’s Day gift this is the place.  I also mentioned that it might be really stressful.  Maybe he should leave Silas at home.)

(Columbine)

(Bluebells)

(American Beech.  The new leaves emerging are soft as a kitten.)

(White Oak)

(Don’t know.  If you do, let’s call this unknown #1)

(Helleborus)

(Solomon’s Seal)

(unknown #2)

(Virginia Bluebells)

(Pawpaw)