Here we are at the beginning of Lent, but I’m ready for spring! For Easter! Between the frozen pipes of last month, an outpatient surgery for Silas (he’s fine, it was just stressful), and some recent illness, I want warmth and health, and green things growing. But I guess I don’t have a choice but to wait. I have gotten into the habit of starting most days with some spiritual reading (lately it’s been Bread in the Wilderness and the Psalms), but starting Ash Wednesday I’ll pick up this journal which will carry me through Lent. I think I will make it to spring. (I keep telling myself this.)
Sunday was Keats’ birthday. He turned fifteen and is officially taller than Jonny now by almost an inch. I made him a cake that didn’t collapse, so that was a success. I did what a mama does, and thought to myself about Keats’ years up until now, the way he’s always been the one to stop and notice beauty, the one who used to be glued to my side (no more.) There’s something very special and even poignant about having both teenage boys and a pair of little ones. (I’m talking boys here, because I don’t have teen girls quite yet and don’t know exactly how that will go. I also know there’s a difference between the two -boys and girls- as far as the way relationships grow and change.) Having experienced the transition that happens in the teen years makes me all the more appreciative of the time I have now with Silas and Job. I treasure our little rituals, knowing all too well how fast the years will pass. I’m not as anxious to hop out of their bed at night after we read, pray, and sing songs as I was when my older boys were small. In fact, I drag it out when I can. I kiss them both over and over, all too aware of the fact that soon enough they won’t let me anymore (Ah! I’m making myself cry. Good grief.) It’s not that the teen years are bad. They aren’t. They are full of their own beauty, they’re just different. And it’s not so much about ages and the behaviors that come and go as our children grow, but the simple passing of time. I’ve always found it a little heartbreaking. I’m not sure why, but I think there will come a day when it will make more sense. I think it might have something to do with the fact that God exists outside of time. Maybe I’m just longing for timelessness… I’ve always hated change and time is always bringing it about. Then again, I’m excited to see who each of my children becomes. A paradox, of sorts.
Well, then. See why I’m ready for spring? Too many heavy thoughts this time of year. Anyway, the rain poured all weekend, not stopping till Sunday afternoon. We headed outside into the warm, windy air because I wanted to see if any of my spring flowers might be peeking through the soil after having planted hundreds of bulbs last fall. Mabel was thrilled with the wind and being able to spend a long time outside without freezing. And we found plenty of life sprouting out there! It appears that I won’t have to wait until Easter for green things growing.
I’m grateful that even as time passes and our children grow up and away, there are things we can count on staying the same. The return of the robins, daffodils and crocuses pushing up through the earth, and peepers calling out that spring is just around the corner. I do love the changing of the seasons, knowing they will each come in their own time, year after year.
Pernille says
Oh, yeah, the time when boys dont want hugs and kisses… It comes back. At least thats my experience 🙂
Katherine Smith says
Mabel’s hair!!! she is a natural born punk!! 🙂
Kelda says
I had a random dream last night that Job was snowboarding in the Olympics!
Ginny says
That’s hilarious! Dreams are so crazy! I hope he got the gold!!! 🙂
Susan says
Wow, I totally love the “longing for timelessness” part! You articulated that feeling of watching our children grow so well! Much to ponder… Yay for Lent, right? As I get deeper into motherhood I look forward to this time of year for just these times to pull back and really “see” things and think about them. And then comes the (happy) rush of Eastertide and warmer weather! Hang in there, Ginny!
Isabella says
I just discovered your blog and Instagram and have enjoyed reading it so much. Just lovely!
You may also like these other Instagrams/blogs about big families.
To Many Children (Yes, the “To” is correct.) She is English with 12 children.
The Prudent Homemaker – Mother of 8, soon 9
I have to admit that I am so intrigued and inspired by these big families and wonder how you do it all! I only have four.
priest's wife (@byzcathwife) says
just wait until they go away to university…. (sob)
Jeni says
Our peepers came out with a vengeance on Tuesday. Such a noisy promise! Wish you were here. 🙂
Stacy says
As a mama preparing to send her only son off to college this coming Fall, your thoughts about change and motherhood resonated with me. Seasons taught me to appreciate change and remind me of the virtue and value of patience. Even so, I always long for Spring. This year, the notion that seasonal change will bring me one step closer to sending my son off to his next adventures is scary and so I am doing my best to live in the here and now. Thank you, Ginny, for these reflections. And thank you to the other readers, whose comments remind me that there is community in motherhood.
Kim says
I related to your comments on waiting for a time in the future when (maybe) we will understand why they have to grow up. I saw a counsellor over an especially nasty bout of empty nest. She showed me that in the midst of the muddle I was unable to see the possibility that as one phase died another phase was waiting to be born. She gave the example of one child leaving home and another being on the threshold of introducing a wonderful son or daughter-in-law to the fold. Heavens! I couldn’t even begin to imagine such a thing … but it did give me hope. I felt bereft beyond comfort but maybe this was not just an end, maybe some other lovely phases of family life were yet to be.
Barbara says
Beautiful post Ginny. You captured a mothers heart beautifully. I must say once again that Mabel is the most beautiful little one ever. She looks like the perfect picture of health and unbridled joy. Guess I kind of overdid the “beautiful’s”, huh!?!
Karla says
The paradox… yes, I feel you.
Our fourth – and probably last, as my husband would tell you – is 16 months, officially in the toddler stage and no longer a baby. Every day feels wistful and bittersweet as I tell myself this is the last time I will experience these magical moments. He hugs me so hard and gives me kisses and loves the blankies I made him and holds my braid when he’s nursing or sleepy and he can’t talk back to me yet (!!)… and I don’t want it to end.
As they get older, each stage has its own unique beauty (and challenges)… but that’s just it, they’re different, and you can’t get the previous ones back. And it seems the more children you have, the more you wish you knew then what you know now. *sigh* But then learning along the way is all part of the process, the journey.
Anyway… know that you’re not alone in these mama feelings. I think my husband thinks I’m crazy – he just doesn’t understand why I mourn these lost stages. Perhaps he’s just looking forward to the day when sleep is more consistent. 🙂
Taryn @ WoolyMossRoots says
I left a comment, but I don’t think it went through. (If so, forgive me saying it a second time!)
Beautifully written, I know so many of us can relate to how you feel as we watch our children grow. Thank you for sharing this, Ginny.
Melissa says
This is beautiful! And perfect timing. I’ve been having the same thoughts and seem to suffer from the same paradox…. Just last night I was hugging/kissing my children ( we have 7 from 18-3!) goodnight and my 16.5 year old sons wiskers scratched my cheek! Seems like yesterday that they were soft cheeks. Sigh. I spent extra time last night snuggling my sleeping almost 3 year old son though ?
Marion says
Mabel is a cutie even with the mud on her face. All of your children are beautiful. Glad that Silas is okay. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY KEATS.
God Bless you and your family.
Marion
Lady Locust says
Awwwe, mud baby ~ how beautiful. I recently had a friend mention life changes after loosing the older generation of her family. She is not yet a grandmother, but I told her that it was going to be her turn before she knew it, to be that generation for those young’ins. It is a circle I s’pose, but not always an easy one. What a thoughtful post.
Have a glorious day~
Erin says
Totally GET what you are saying. My last babies in my late 30s, early 40s I really SAVOURED! That’s the word as by then with rapidly growing teens zooming towards their adult years I experienced a whole new perspective. With 4 adult children now, and 6 younger ones, it’s all different. The years are so fleeting
Melissa says
Yes! Savoured is perfect ?❤
Julia Adamson says
Thank you for this post. You’ve inspired me to look up the two books you mention, and I’ve ordered the lent one as it sounds lovely. Il be starting it à few days late but that’s got to be better than not starting it at all! I love the photos, especially of mabel’s wild abandon. May you continue to appreciate and treasure every moment of your children ?
kim says
I hate change, too – and your comments just hit the nail on the head! I feel exactly the same way. even the paradoxical!
SpalvaLit says
Personally, I feel I was fortunate to be diagnosed with cancer when my daughters were two and eight. Every freakin’ extra moment and year — and it has been ten now, this year — has been cherished.
Jennifer says
My 10 yo boy still lets me cuddle and kiss him; the 12 yo girl is terribly embarrassed that I would even WANT to cuddle and kiss her (in public!) Years ago when the 12 yo was in a stroller asleep while a friend and I were enjoying coffee, I asked my friend how she could LIVE with letting her two college-aged girls go off on their own? (I guess I expected, and surely felt, that I would drop over dead of grief as they pulled their tiny warm hands from mine to go off to college one day.) She responded, “You’ll be ready for them to go.” I am starting to see that, especially as I see the beauty in the teen years. They are like little birds in the nest for many years, then, as teens, they start to fly off a little ways and gather their own food, until, finally, they are strong and capable and we get to watch them soar. Ah, now I am crying… Blessings to all the mothers.
Leslie F says
The third picture from the bottom of Bea walking determinedly with mud on her face is adorable. She looks so pleased with herself in a “that’s how we do it in the woods” kinda way! Precious!
Antonia Cammarota says
Kindred spirit post. ?
karen says
I didn’t fully appreciate the littleness of my children until they were adults. I think that is often the case. As you know, I loved the teen years and all the angst and growing pains that are involved. I’d take a teen over a baby any given day!! However, I’m lucky to be babysitting a toddler (22 mth old) and enjoying her sweetness and her noticing all the stuff I take for granted. I’m lucky to be a part of her life part time.
Gracie says
Amen, sister. It’s crazy-making to want the future (who will these men be?) and the past (I miss baby cheeks and knees!) at the same time, and I think, like you and C. S. Lewis, that that longing is evidence that we were created for eternity. I don’t know how it will work, but I hope I get to hold babies in heaven.
Gervaise says
Me too!! This perfect post and all the wonderful comments reflecting how I am feeling today. Happy Valentine’s day to all??.
Nicole Spring says
Oh Ginny, you articulate so well what is going on in my own head and heart. Goodness I am so grateful for you!!
And those pics of Bea,I mean Mae (he,he) at the beginning of the post? Totally epic!
Love you dear friend!
Teresa says
Ok. There is a story behind those photos of Mabel. Care to share what the screaming banshe look was all about? ?
ginny says
The wind was blowing the rain so hard on our porch, and she just loved it! It was the cutest thing ever. 🙂
Teresa says
The pure joy of life! What awesome photos. You captured it. ?
Sarah says
“They are full of their own beauty, they’re just different. And it’s not so much about ages and the behaviors that come and go as our children grow, but the simple passing of time. I’ve always found it a little heartbreaking.”—-Yes! This captures my feeling so perfectly. My oldest of four is 19 and my “baby” is nine. I just adore the younger years with all of their wonder and ache for the simplicity that they were, although I certainly didn’t always appreciate it at the time. This was a beautiful and touching post.
Katie says
This post really resonates with me. I definitely hear you with the heartbreaking passing of time and our little ones growing up. I’m having a hard time saying goodbye to my childbearing years and moving into this next phase of life. Thank-you for sharing your life with us; it takes great courage.
Eileen says
Wonderful post Ginny! I miss my babies and remember it like it was yesterday. Though now, I get the privilege to take care of my two grand-babies. It’s the best, no agenda, no worries of,’ am I doing all I need to be doing to grow these children into good human beings ?’ Yes we did, and now they are having children and I get to be in their lives…. God is good!
Elaine says
Ginny,
As a Mom whose children have grown into adults, I feel your need to hang on to the best parts of “now”. I miss those times and yet there are many wonderful times shared with my adult children. It still seems like yesterday they were sitting in my lap, needing a hug or dancing in circles. The beauty and love stay with you always. Thank you for your writing, and sharing your family and experiences.
Kelli Ann Wilson says
I think this is one of your best posts, Ginny. So much truth wrapped up in every sentence. Thank you for sharing these thoughts that are so unique to you and your family, and yet so universal.