Jonny and I celebrated our 19th anniversary this week by leaving our kids for the day and visiting Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello. Leaving our kids has never been easy for us, though we are getting better and better at making time for ourselves. Because after all, one day our children will leave us, and we’d like for there to still be an us when that day comes. I thought I would write more about our day, and the things we talked about, the reminiscing that comes when you’ve spent nearly half your life with someone, but I think that it’s time that I share part two of my healing story.
Making more room for time away with Jonny is part of the bigger picture that I’ve been working on this year: making healthy choices, both for myself and in my relationships. I’ve also been focusing on setting boundaries. I’ve always been a little uncomfortable with the concept of boundaries, and I have come to recognize that is because I am not good at setting them. A friend recommended that I read this book, so I bought it. Reading just the first couple of chapters was more than a little bit life changing for me. (I really ought to read the rest of the book.)
When I wrote about the ways I have been working to heal since my Hoshimoto’s diagnosis (most of them diet related), I mentioned that I had made some other changes as well that I believe are part of the healing process. The book on boundaries helped me to recognize that I oftentimes say “Yes,” when I really ought to be saying, “No.” This tendency effects all areas of my life. I have taken on commitments in the past couple of years that I really shouldn’t have. Over the years I have turned down opportunities that I knew were beyond my capabilities, but have remained open to writing for a couple of outside publications and sometimes contributing photography. A few months ago, I made the difficult decision to stop. And while it was hard to make that choice, it was also a huge relief. Those outside commitments inevitably always cause me stress, and I no longer view them as lost opportunities when I turn them down. This is my season to focus on my family and my health. Eliminating all unnecessary sources of stress is a big part of doing that well.
I have also been working on creating healthier personal habits. Gone are my late night knitting nights (mostly). Yes, knitting is therapeutic, but so is sleep. I’ve found more ways to work on my knitting during the day, and I’ve also accepted that I simply can’t knit as much as I’d like to. That’s life, right? You can’t always do what you want and if you try to squeeze too much in, you might eventually end up sick and tired. At which point the negative consequences of knitting or crafting (or blogging seven days a week) start to outweigh the benefits. I’m such a high energy go, go, go person (when I’m healthy) that it doesn’t come naturally to me to rest. Sleeping always felt like such a boring choice when there are so many fun things to be doing once the kids are in bed. I look at it differently now, and truly value my sleep. Longterm lack of it is not a good thing. It’s enough to be getting up with children in the night year after year. There’s really no reason to push myself even more, trying to squeeze in another project or one more row. I’m even picky about what I read these days. Absolutely no page turners allowed. I want to be able to get in bed, read a few pages, and put my book down. I’m still reading through the Anne of Green Gables series, and am finding them perfect. Essays on nature and devotional books work as well.
Last week I visited my doctor to review my most recent bloodwork. Based on the way I’ve been feeling for the past month, I suspected that my numbers wouldn’t be good, and I was right. I’m not sure where I got off track, and how much can be blamed on what I was eating or how stressful the month was (it was a real killer). I’m not sure how much control I have over this illness, I’m still figuring it all out, putting together my own puzzle. I’m working now on acceptance, and continuing to make the healthiest choices I can. I joked with my mother-in-law, who is visiting, that I’ve been self medicating with plants. I’ve been doing that since I was a kid. This week I planted a buttonbush, a camellia, a couple of hellebores, and so much more. Jonny just laughed when I came home with a redbud tree today. At least I’m not bringing home any more animals, right? That’s because I have such healthy boundaries. Ha!
(Edited to add: The changes I have made in an effort to move towards better health are in addition to taking prescription thyroid medication.)
p.s. My Find Your Fade Shawl Ravelry notes are here. Mabel’s little cardigan was a gift from Olivia, and I’m not sure what pattern she followed.
Carlin says
Thank you for your honesty, I hope you have been feeling better this past month. I’ve had a similar struggle and have learned the importance of saying no over time. I struggle now with the guilt of it all, I will definitely check out your book recommendation. Love to you Ginny.
Ashley says
Hello! I am new to your blog. Love looking at all your photos. 🙂
This might be silly, but I wanted to leave a reading suggestion for you….. I LOVE to read, but deal with stress-aggravated health problems as well, so have to be very selective about what I read (and have often had trouble finding books that are a good fit).
So I just thought I’d tell you when you finish with Anne if you are looking for something else that is pleasant reading and restful, I have really enjoyed The Fairacre Series by Miss Read. There are tons of them, and I haven’t read them all, but have thoroughly enjoyed the ones I have read. They’ve been a restful retreat from the stress of life. 🙂
Lisa says
Love the photos! It is so nice you got a chance to go away with your husband. It sounds like you had a wonderful time. I hope you heal and feel better! limiting stressors is a really good idea. Sometimes we take on so much and some things are not worth the stress anyways.
Alicia P. says
My dear friend. Rest, rest. It will all unfold as it should. When I used to own my little boutique, so many years ago now, I was so stressed (and I didn’t even have a kid! Maybe that was partly why. . . .). But anyway, I remember clearly when I decided to let go of Sundays. Andy almost always worked on Sunday, and I would use the time to motor through all this stuff I couldn’t get to during the week. But at some point I just stopped. I decided to just huddle in with my pets and projects and cozy TV and not answer the phone, and not respond to anything outside. I put no pressure on myself to finish anything on that day. If I ate toast for dinner, that was fine. It may not be entirely possible with a lot of kids, but maybe you can shift the paradigm and all of them can rally and take care of you for that day. I bet they’d love it. And you could rest and knit and fiddle, and watch. Just taking that one day to let myself off the hook for anything, everything, completely changed my life. I didn’t need much, but I did need that. I don’t get it as much anymore, but I long for that feeling in a very specific way because it brought me peace and recovery. I hope you can carve out some space like that — truly block it off, and protect it. You deserve it more than anyone I know. Much love to you, xo, a
Taryn @ WoolyMossRoots says
Ginny,
Thank you SO much for sharing your healing journey. I appreciated Part 1 so much, hearing about what you did, and wanted to read it a few times to absorb all the information. And I appreciate the reminder about healthy boundaries in Part 2. I know you’re busy and I appreciate you taking the time to share all of this. Jeff and I have been trying to do too much for too long and the stress was really wearing us out, so we’ve been making changes around here- more activities closer to home, and focusing our energy regarding our business to the areas we want to focus on rather than attempting to do it all. Reading your words helps further inspire (I started slipping up on my sleep too) and I’m grateful!
Love to you!
Taryn
Erin says
Oh I read his original book years ago!! Life changing for me too, over a decade later and I still put in place what I learnt from it and rave to people about reading it!!
Karen says
I live near Monticello….I love wandering through the gardens there, they’re always so beautiful!!
karen says
Glad you are feeling better and setting boundaries. I’m terrible at saying ‘no’ but it’s necessary to a peaceful existence. I can easily say no to knitting for other people and being paid. Obligation knitting is the worst. Your shawl is spectacular!!!
Clémence says
This is inspiring and feels so good to read. You’re on a lovely path, Ginny!
Marion says
Ginny I hope you will be feeling much better soon. Your pumpkins look ripe for the picking in time for the Harvest. I hope you get to finish the “Anne Of Green Gables ” series.
Have a good week
God Bless
Marion
Bee says
Happy anniversary to you and Jonny! What a beautiful place to spend the day :). I also love that picture of Jonny and Mabel; so adorable.
Glad to hear you’re taking such good care of yourself :). I always find it hard to remember to do that…but it’s so important.
By the way, I saw a book the other day I thought you might like…I haven’t actually read it myself yet but I was intrigued. It’s called The Hidden Life of Trees (not sure how to link, so here’s the link in its entirety: https://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Life-Trees-Communicate_Discoveries-Secret/dp/1771642483/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1509106926&sr=8-1&keywords=the+secret+life+of+trees )
Have a good weekend!
Heidi says
I understand the self medicating with plants part and combine that with boundary problems. Hellebores are my favorite.
Happy Anniversary…what an amazing life you have built together.
Elizabeth says
This really resonated with me. I totally get the sickness part (been there on various levels) but also the outside commitments part. This has taken me a long time (still in process) and I am blessed that I have an older (Catholic Christian!) lady who has helped talk me through a lot of this over the last years. For me, I took on too much; balancing various loves (for me kitchen/knitting/sewing/tea-blending) with life…. both my Husband and I have had to let go of things we used to do and loved doing; but it was too much and was a much needed letting go. The Boundaries book is good; I found, back in the day, that Melody Beattie’s books on Co-dependence dealt boundaries as well; was quite helpful for me. It’s a complicated thing and not always easy to discern but there is much HOPE….
Sandra Davidson says
Hi As you might remember I also have Hasimotois and I am not doing well and I have a Dr. Who won’t work with me. I am a lot older then you and have had thyroid problems since I was 12. The meds just don’t seem to be working anymore and the fatigue is really bad. Dr. Alan Christianson is do a master class on line if you don’t know him just let me know and I will send you info on it. Blessings and prayers for feeling better
Rachel Vander Wall says
Your pictures are beautiful, as always, and you look really good! I’ve been seeing a holistic doctor for thyroid and adrenal issues, not horrible at this point, but trying to heal and gain better habits before it gets bad. My mom and sister both have Hashimotos and I’m trying to prevent It! The nutritionist at my doctor said dealing with a death and moving are extremely taxing on the adrenals. So don’t be hard on yourself, thinking you did something wrong- maybe it’s just a matter of recovering from the move!
Kat says
Hooray, Ginny and to all of you! Such a comfort to read about others like me. I have been struggling with adrenal fatigue and thyroid weakness, though not Hashimotos for quite a few years. It is always hard to not feel like I’m being “lazy” when I am having one of those days that I just need to rest. Many don’t really understand what it’s like and as a people pleaser it’s been a great learning experience for me to say no anyway and to reduce stress in any way I can. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and encouraging so many.
Congratulations on your anniversary! I know what a blessing my own husband and marriage is in all aspects of life and also in supporting me in my own healing path as well.
I pray you turn a corner soon and that your plant therapy is helpful. I find my dog, sheep and donkey are great therapy too!
Emily DeArdo says
Also, love that you used Wonderland yarn on your shawl. I’m just getting into them, and WOW I love the speckled line!
Emily DeArdo says
Happy anniversary, Ginny!
I very much relate to slowing down. I am not a good slowing down person. My dad used to call me the Energizer Bunny. But after transplant, I realized I MUST slow down and start listening to my body. I must get enough sleep. I must eat better (this has been a new realization!). 😛 I must do things that my body is telling me to do, and that means saying no and not doing things, and not “powering through” like I used to do. I listen to my body much more now. Part of that was leaving my incredibly stressful job and making less money, which is also stressful it its own way–but being able to give my body the basics (good sleep, for starters!) has reaped many rewards.
Colleen says
Thyroid person here, too. I’ve been going through a rough season, health-wise. I’m starting to get some of the secondary effects of thyroid disease. I don’t want to go into too many details on this public forum, but it seems I can no longer remain healthy with thyroid meds, proper nutrition, & alternative remedies; I’m going farther into the pharmaceutical route and I’m not happy about it. I’m only in my forties!!
The biggest struggle for me, as far as committing to things outside the house, is that I compare myself to a lot of friends who are handling so much more than I am. Especially because the things they (and I) volunteer to do are worthwhile, “kingdom-building” activities. These people don’t know my struggles and I think it makes me look like a slacker, if I say no. The truth is, I don’t think of myself as busier than others, I just think I don’t handle extra work as well. Especially when my health throws me a curve ball. It’s never predictable, when that happens. (Well, except when I’ve let the stress get out of hand.)
Thank you to fellow commenters for sharing, too. I see I am not alone. Maybe I should take the advice I’d offer to any of you, if we were sitting down together and you told me that you are being too hard on yourself!
Just downloaded “Boundaries” to my Kindle. Perhaps some spiritual direction would be good for me at this time, too!
Hugs to you all!
jenni Kane says
HI Ginny, I found your blog a couple years ago in the top 100 Knitting Blogs and promptly read every single entry! Oh my, you are marvelous. You have covered so much ground in the years. Be proud of yourself. One thing you didn’t mention, very important, by taking time for you and Jonny you are allowing the kids to grow. They need to know they are ok and can function without you. You do want them to grow and move out eventually don’t you? Date night is the most important thing you can do and you need to start doing it regularly. Put it on the calendar so the kids can see it. Have fun, Jenni
Nathana says
I can relate to so much of this. I feel like I have so many passions pressing on my heart and fighting for my time: writing and blogging, poetry, photography, crocheting and hopefully learning how to knit, reading, and baking! Yet in the season of young motherhood with a limited support system, and even more limited sleep, I’ve been struggling a lot. I’m slowly coming to peace with hardly ever blogging. It’s something I really desire to do, but for my mental health I just have to step away from so much right now. I love reading and crocheting but I too have come to the conclusion that staying up late when sleep is so valuable is not a good idea for me. With stress I have been eating a lot of junk lately. And I think that feeds into my cycle of no energy and weight gain. God has been working on our hearts and is bringing us to a place of more spiritual health. But it’s been a rather painful process!
SpalvaLit says
Funny, I dscovered Henry and John about six months ago. I started with The Mom Factor and then read Boundaries and Boundaries for Teens. Now i’m working on the safe people book (highly recommended). I really love how these two guys write. I honestly wish I could be Henry’s patient. He would totally get me and fix me right up! I also honestly and truly wish I could find the type of Christian community they talk about. Alas…for now I make my own.
Ariana W says
Happy anniversary! I’m happy to hear that you are taking it easy on yourself. I think stress hurts us more than anything else at times. I wanted to pass some perspective on to you…My mother is now 73, she was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s years ago. While I don’t yet have it (I’m 41), I know I’d tackle it just like you. However, the info I wanted to pass on is this: when I asked my mother how big of a deal Hashimoto’s was, she said, “ehh, its not a big deal. I just have to take a pill every day.” She told me not to worry about it (knowing that medicine works). She IS a pop-a-pill type of person, but I found her carefree spirit about it refreshing. I know my mother’s only problem with Hashimoto’s was that she went underdiagnosed for years and couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her. Once she found out and took the right medication, she started to live normal again. (Again, I’d try to heal myself like you are doing, but I wanted to pass along her elder perspective.)
Ginny says
Thank you for sharing that! (And I’m so glad that you haven’t developed it.)I am coming to terms with the fact that I may need these meds (I’m actually on two) forever, though for whatever reason they aren’t completely stabilizing me. I also think I feel extra disappointed after having such good numbers this summer. I’m hoping that it was just the stress of the last six weeks or so that messed me up!
Antonia Cammarota says
I admire all you accomplish – even with your scaling back, you’re light years ahead of what I get done! I’m glad you gave yourself permission to say no sometimes; I think that is truly a good thing. I’m always saying that if people just did their duty with their family, the world would have many less problems. Congratulations on your anniversary! A happy marriage is a gift beyond compare!
Kate says
Good for you! Some mommy blogs complain about how stressed they are feeling, how stressed their marriage is, how stressed their kids are, and then they write about all the projects (teaching, writing, sports events, ballet, travelling, volunteer work) they’re juggling. I want to sit down with the author over a cup of tea, look her in the eye and say “Just STOP it!” I do know some people who act like it’s a badge of honor to be busy, busy, busy. It’s seems like the American ideal is that one doesn’t “have a life” unless one is stressed. I don’t get it. My husband and kids deserve the best of me, not what’s left over.
Richard (in Charlotte, NC) says
Happy Anniversary to you and Johnny! I wasn’t aware of your myriad outside commitments that you spoke of but obviously the Lord has let you know that it is time to slow down and concentrate on you and your immediate concerns. You are a gifted photographer and I would like to know of your articles that you have written. Keep up the good work at your new pace and hang in there with your condition – I am still learning how to handle my own Type II Diabetes.
Ginny says
There really weren’t many. And that is why it was easy to say yes, because it didn’t seem like a big deal. But when it would come down to fulfilling my end of the obligation I would feel so much stress. The big thing for me was just allowing myself to pull out without feeling like a failure or like I was letting people down.
Richard (in Charlotte, NC) says
I see. Well, hindsight is always 20-20. Now you know that you and your family are more important. You are certainly no failure and if you did let some people down, they will just have to get over it. I’m sure that you pleased them for the short time that you did work with them and now it is time to not let your family and close friends down. I certainly enjoy the time and effort you put into your blog and all that you let us see of your family life and hobbies. I can’t believe how fast Mable has grown and now she is walking. I must have missed the posting of her first steps. I’ve been busy with taking my Dad to his Dr. appointments. I hope you and yours have a Happy Halloween!
Cassie says
A long time ago I learned when you say ‘yes’ to something you are saying ‘no’ to something else and that ‘no’ for me was always my husband and 10 children. While limiting my outside commitments, I went full throttle taking care of my children, home schooling them, trying to be and do ‘everything’. What this ultimately cost me was, 4 years ago I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. So when young mothers ask, how did you do it? I say, don’t do it like me. Make sure you take time to take care of yourself.
My heart skips when your email lands in my inbox Genny, but if you decided to stop writing, while I would be so sad, I would completely understand.
Ginny says
Writing here doesn’t cause me the same stress that writing for other people does. I struggle with perfectionism and can’t seem to get past that when I am doing outside work. And, I give similar advice. Don’t do what I did! Taking care of our bodies is so important, but also so easy to neglect when you are young and healthy!
Eileen says
So glad you have been feeling better. I know for me it’s two steps forward, one back. My blood work is shifting again and I am unsure why, maybe its age, I am no spring chicken anymore.
You look beautiful and healthy in these amazing pictures! WOW, that shawl is big! I know its the rage on the internet, your’s– beautiful! Mabel is sooo cute!
Take Care!
Larissa says
Thanks for sharing your heart & healing journey…
Seems like a LOT of us are facing auto- immune & autonomic disorders lately… right there with you.
Amy Marie says
Love your words here, so good, and such a great reminder. For every yes we say, we are saying no to something else. Choosing wisely is going to look different for each family! Thank you and I said a prayer for your health. 🙁
Rosie says
Plants really are the best way to self-medicate! Well, until the goats get out and eat the newly-planted things, which stresses me out more ?
Ginny says
Yes! Mine ate the top off my witch hazel yesterday! At least they didn’t eat the whole thing. 🙂
Penelope says
I used to stay up til all hours after the kids were in bed, too, Ginny. I have such a different relationship with sleep now, with rest, and with maintaining a healthy routine so that my body can be strong — despite physical disability beought on my a brain tumor and then the devastation of GI diseases (lost 75 lbs without trying, can now only tolerate a handful of foods, painful GI flares etc etc). …. Sleep makes an incredible difference! Now, my teens and I *all* go to bed at 8pm. Their alarm sounds at 6am, tho’ I am awake earlier than that for meditation, rosary, my quiet ‘mother’ time.
{{hugs}} and prayers and happy anniversary!
Caroline says
The shawl is beautiful!
Boundaries and saying no is a real BIG problem for me. I always feel I need to have a reason for saying no and then people try contradict or find a way around my reason to make me say yes. My husband has been helping me say NO, as he’s really good at it, lol. I blame my not so great childhood, feeling like I had to accommodate and please everyone and being pulled in a million directions.
Thank you for the book recommendation, I’m going to have a look.
Marta says
By me is stress the worst. Always when I have some stress, I feel worse and my bloodwork is worst. That is why, I take some more medicin, when I realise that it is more stressfull. My doctor said, I have to try it all on myself. I know now, that I can take every few days a little more of my hormons and then I feel better. Diet is also a big thing, but unfortunetely, when it is stressfull, so I can stay on my diet and start eating things I should not it at all. That is a big problem, but…we are learning, arent´we? All the best for you!