I’m back!

That would make more sense if I had written here how I’ve been feeling for the past couple of months. But I wanted to understand what exactly was going on before I did.

If you’ve been reading here for long, you know that I suffer from depression and anxiety at times. As far as depression goes, it’s mostly been a seasonal thing up until the past five years or so when things started seeming a little consistently bad. When it began to seem like I was dealing with something beyond my seasonal stuff, I went looking for some professional help. This was in the year after Silas (he’s 5 1/2 now) was born. I saw doctors a couple of times for bloodwork to look into my thyroid function, but despite having all the symptoms of hypothyroidism, those doctor’s told me my numbers weren’t within treatment range and basically sent me home. I didn’t argue, because I didn’t like the idea of taking medication. I believed I could fix myself if I just worked hard enough. I changed my diet, going strictly gluten free, and did have stretches of feeling better. However, I think I have been coping with depression more often than not since Silas was born. Bad things have happened, and I thought that maybe life itself was just getting me down. There’s been a lot of loss these past few years. Family, and friends have died. Friend’s babies have died. I had a difficult pregnancy and birth (Job’s) that left me unable to walk long distances without pain (still). Life has been unpredictable, hard, and just plain sad at times.

Last fall–well fall 2015, after running some bloodwork, my obstetrician put me on medication for my thyroid (early on in my pregnancy with Mabel), and within a week the depression that I had been battling lifted. I felt like myself again and it was amazing. I could hardly believe how much better I felt, and how quickly. When you’ve battled depression, you don’t take feeling good for granted. The real me is a positive, high energy person. I tend to see the good in most things, and am pretty darn good at practicing contentment no matter my situation. Depression robs me of that, of the real me. And I hate it. For what it does to me, and my family.

Needing to figure out what is going on for the longterm, outside of pregnancy, I scheduled an appointment at a local doctor’s office that came highly recommended. Before I could see the doctor, I had to have lots of bloodwork done and saw only the P.A.s. It was suggested to me that I switch to a more “natural” drug, and I agreed it was worth a try. That was early December. My instructions were to take the new drug for at least six weeks, and then repeat my bloodwork and return to see the doctor. I started feeling bad within days of switching drugs. The inside of my head turned into a really ugly place. Bad went to worse, and I should have probably gotten switched back right away, but I wanted to give this more “natural” treatment a real go and have the bloodwork done to see what it did for my levels, rather than just going by how I felt. And I started wondering if maybe my real problem was postpartum depression anyway. Or maybe I was just crazy? I had my labs drawn about a week before my scheduled appointment with the doctor, literally counting the days until I could see her and find out what was really going on. That appointment was Monday this week, and she swept into the room all smiles and positive energy, which I love (inspires confidence!) and told me that my levels were terrible, that I was having an auto-immune “flair” and that I have Hoshimoto’s disease. So now I know. My meds have been changed, and I am already feeling so much better. I can actually get out of bed in the morning without a long mental battle first. I’m not sad about every. single. thing. And, I am eating dairy free (dying!!!!!!) in addition to my usual gluten free diet. My lovely doctor sent me home with instructions on how to eat, how to supplement, and a suggestion that I read this book after I explained that I must operate at 100% (at the very least). No room for feeling so bad!!

I am obeying doctor’s orders and truly thanking God for her, for good meds, and for coconut milk. And, I am knitting HATS. Hats are fast and always needed. I discovered the joy of colorwork last week when I knit Beatrix a Hillier Hearts cap.  That pattern is so fun, so quick, and just all around great. In other hat knitting news, Job claimed Jonny’s sacrificial ribbed beanie, so I knit Jonny a new hat too. That pattern is pretty fun, though next time he’s getting a hat with some sort of colorwork whether he likes it or not, because that is my new thing. Silas requested a red hat with yellow lightning bolts, but I can’t deliver on that one for lack of appropriate yarn or pattern. Instead I cast on a blue Hillier Hearts cap and replaced the hearts with sort of grayish (same as Bea’s main hat color) snowflakes that I improvised. It isn’t very good because there isn’t enough contrast between the yarn colors and snow isn’t really gray anway, and it’s definitely not yellow lightning on a red hat. So, I will probably have to knit Silas another hat when I finish the dirty snowflake hat. No big deal. Hats I can do. Right now I feel like I can do all sorts of things which is so much better than the way the past couple of months felt.

p.s. Sorry for the personal health saga. But I had to tell you. 🙂

p.p.s. Realizing that you might want to know what that toy is that Job is playing with. Those are his bees! He loves them.



  1. thanks for sharing and I hope the new route will be great for your health! God bless you as you try these new approaches

  2. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s in December 2014. (I was already seeing a therapist and psychologist for depression and anxiety.) I tried conventional medicine for 6 months without improvement. I started seeing a functional medicine practitioner who switched me to a gluten-free thyroid medication and some supplements. I read The Root Cause and countless other books. I tried gluten free and auto-immune paleo diets for a year and still had depression and extreme anxiety, not to mention crippling fatigue. In September 2016 I started eating a ketogenic diet, also known as paleo on steroids. No sugar, few carbs, and full of healthy fats (like coconut oil). I can finally feel something I recognize like “me” surfacing.

  3. If you even have an idea that you have a thyroid problem, it is important that you request an intensive thyroid test. Not all doctors will do it. Many times thyroid condition is missed. I have hypothyroid disease and it can make you feel awful. I also have depression and anxiety.

    All those things have to be treated and the meds have to be tweaked. For the thyroid I go to an endocrinologist because it affects the pituitary gland which regulates your whole body. Can have very bad effects if you don’t treat it. Anyway that is my opinion. I’ve been living with all of these issues for years. My daughter ended up with thyroid problems and kept telling her doctor she felt like she had it and they kept pushing her off. She went to another doctor and it was discovered she did have a problem.

    Hope this helps. Sounds like your on track now.

  4. We have the bees to, my just three year old loves them! Glad you’re feeling better x

  5. Thanks for sharing!

  6. Hi Ginny, For what it is worth I have a friend from high school that also had Hoshimoto’s after the birth of her son. She did lots of research..She enrolled in a hair mineral analysis tissue program..It took 18 months and her last thyroid test came back normal. Her antibodies decreased steadily through the program and now are in the “zero range.” She said get a hair test, take the mineral supplement, and eat lots of veggies..that was the nuts and bolts of it. Here is a link..

    She also recommended this book which lead her to look into the hair mineral analysis

    Sorry if that is too much information. I just kept thinking about you and felt lead to share it! God Bless you and your family!

  7. Sharing this may help others who may not know what could be causing their depression.

  8. I’ve been trying to fix my thyroid and depression issues for 11 years now. I went from Synthroid only, to Armour thyroid (the “natural” med that did not help me), then back to Synthroid (synthetic T4) plus Cytomel (synthetic T3), which is finally my happy spot. I also discovered that I have very low progesterone levels, and supplement that to help with my depression, especially in the post-partum period. I only knew I had Hashimoto’s for half of those 11 years, and it was only in the last year that I was able to find the right diet and medication combo to have me feeling healthy, alive, and barely depressed – but it was worth the search and struggle, as you know. And my thyroid antibodies are in a normal range for the first time, which I guess means I’m finally keeping the Hashimoto’s from flaring up. However, I won’t ever be able to go off medicine, most likely, as it appears my thyroid has stopped converting T4 to T3 (hence the T3 med). But I feel good, so I’ll take it and be thankful it’s available and that my years of searching and suffering have paid off. It’s always relieving to hear that a fellow Hashimoto’s sufferer has found relief as well; cheers to you!

I love to hear from you!