Archives for August 28, 2016

Lady of Intrigue and Mystery

I was exiting the library this weekend (I only took my big girls this time) when I was stopped by a stranger.  She asked me, “Did you go to J.M.?”  Though what I heard was, “Did you go to jail?”  My immediate thought was, “Does she mean as an inmate, or a visitor?”  Rather than ask her to clarify, I just stood there for a moment looking dazed and confused until she repeated herself.  This time I understood that she was asking me about a university, not prison.  I answered, “Nope,”  and she went on to tell me that I look just like someone she knew there.  She concluded with a big smile and a “Well, congratulations, anyway!” and we parted.  I didn’t have Mabel with me, so she wasn’t talking about my new baby.  But I was wearing this green linen dress.  It is loose and swing-y and could definitely pass for maternity.  It isn’t breastfeeding friendly, but it is incredibly comfortable, and I love it.  I wear it when I have an hour or two away from Mabel.

I do have a “baby bump” which can be confusing to strangers who don’t know that I actually had a baby two months ago.  I’d love to say to myself with a smile that it takes nine months to grow a baby, and nine months to lose the weight, or whatever the saying is.  But I know better.  It doesn’t really matter how much weight I lose.  I will, short of plastic surgery (I’m thinking no to that), always have a baby bump.  I’d also love to say that I’m totally fine with that.  I’m not, though strangers’ comments don’t bother me.  It’s more their embarrassment that makes me cringe when I say, “Actually, I’m not pregnant.”  To the woman who congratulated me on the library steps, I smiled wide and said, “Thank you!”  There was no reason to say anything else.  It really doesn’t matter if a stranger thinks I am pregnant.  But, things get tricky when I am asked when I’m due.  I confess, I’ve made up a due date before just to avoid the awkwardness.  “October!”

Because I have a small frame and a pretty decent “bump,” this has been an issue for years.  I once contemplated making an “I’m not pregnant” button to wear, but decided against it.  For now, I am trying to embrace the concept of mystery.  Is she pregnant?  Or is she not?  Who can know?  Lady of intrigue and mystery:  that’s me.  I love how intriguing my baby bump makes me!  (okay, yeah right.)  I’ve got work to do in the self acceptance arena.  Lot’s of it.  I think most of us do, though I doubt any of us would trade our children for our former bodies.  But wouldn’t it be nice to have your cake and eat it too?  Actually, in my case, I’d like ice cream.

Of course all this is beside the point of these photographs.  I really just wanted to share this scarf that I finished awhile back and forgot to get pictures of.  This was my first time knitting a substantial project in linen, and I loved it!  This scarf will be gifted soon, just in time for fall weather.