I am waiting for my insides to catch up with my outsides. I guess that’s a funny way to start a blog post! There’s just always so much going on and I am trying to learn how to live this particular season without feeling stressed by the weight of the neverending to-dos. How often to I mention this? Do I sound like a broken record yet? By nature, I really love the feeling of completion or accomplishment when something is “done.” These days, I typically go the whole day without stopping and still don’t have a feeling of “finished!” at the end of the day. I have to tell myself, “Ginny, just quit. One has to sleep.” Or, ahem. “One has to knit.” And I leave those three baskets of laundry, or whatever it is.
This isn’t a situation of needing to make my children do more chores. They have more chores. This isn’t about anything in particular. There isn’t an answer because the problem is all in my head. This is simply, big family life with a lot going on. I am meant to adapt, and not let just living stress me out. I think the answer lies in focusing on just the next thing, and doing that next thing joyfully, leaving all the rest for later. If I let my mind start racing with all that needs to be done, I kind of lose it internally sometimes. These are the times when my very perceptive oldest child asks me, “Mommy, are you stressed out?” High pitched, “No?” But yes, lots of times I am. I want to get it all done, and do it well. But that is no longer possible, the getting it all done. So I have to switch gears. I have to change my list. I have to breathe slowly and drink tea whose name tricks me into thinking that all will be fine as long as I am sipping it. I have to remember to pray and ask for help. All these things though, they require for me to slow down for a second and really pay attention. Yes, I have to make my outsides slow down. Since when did homeschooling and housework become an emergency? My first job is to love. Anything that is stopping me from doing that can’t possibly be very important.
p.s. Ever been sitting at your desk at the end of the day and turned around to see your child holding a giant hornets’ nest? Even empty, it’s a little unsettling!
christy says
I can relate to the stress you feel. I am working on it though. I’m learning to take deep breath’s. Take breaks. Learning to knit. I remind myself, that God doesn’t give me more than I can handle. The strength comes from him.
Jen Letts says
I’m sipping Yogi’s Calm tea right now myself. October was just such a stressful month, I want November to be exactly 100% polar opposite.
The grey bag is lovely, very classic.
Marilyn says
I love your line “getting my outsides to slow down.” That is it!
Here is a new word for your family to practice….quietify…let’s take a minute to quietify. I am a Granni. Still doing this even with middle schoolers.
erin hellar says
I just had my third last Monday and am feeling this too. Thank you. The loving part really is the most important.
Mary says
excellent reminder – first job to love, the rest not an emergency. thanks!
TarynKaeWilson @ WoolyMossRoots says
Ginny,
Good reminder that housework isn’t an emergency, funny how I sometimes forget that. The busier I am, the more I need to force myself to take breathers and rejuvenating breaks. But I haven’t been following that advice super well lately. I need more knitting breaks, yes that’s the ticket. 🙂
Love,
Taryn
Shannon says
“Since when did homeschooling and housework become an emergency? My first job is to love. Anything that is stopping me from doing that can’t possibly be very important.”
Thank you!
Joy says
I can totally relate to what you’re feeling!
Josie says
Dear Ginny, I have no blog, but every once in a while when things feel heavy, I want to write something to get it out, so I start a blog that I never keep up with. I wrote the “What is your name” post (I think it is linked up in my name) just a few weeks ago, feeling weighed down. Reminding me of what you have written…just commiserating:)…sitting here at 2pm on Saturday trying to stay psyched up to get to confession to relieve some of the “heavy” in my head and heart, shutting out the talking myself out of going tape I always play!….God bless you, I just love reading your blog! (5 beautiful young ones in my home, 4 of them boys under age 9!-God has a lot of faith in me that I don’t think I have in myself!;)))…
Ginny says
Go! I went this week after too long. Almost didn’t, so glad I did.
Ruby says
Amen to “One has to knit.” I feel much of the same hurried creep that you do & many times I will literally stop myself from doing anything else & just sit my bum down somewhere & knit a few rows. My husband will even tell me sometimes that I need to take a knit break, ha! It breaks my heart when my youngest asks me–‘Are you ok, Mommy? Are you happy or mad?’ Thank you for this post, one of so VERY VERY many you have written that seems like a reflection of my own thoughts. xx
Your garden looks great!
Linda says
Thanks for the reminders of taking things one step at a time and to LOVE!
Sara says
Thank you for your post. We are thousands of miles way and I am a back-to-work teacher and once stay at home mom (4 yr old and 11 month old) and some how we (and many of the 47 other people that wrote) are all feeling the same things!
I appreciate your sincerity and authenticity so much. Balancing commitments and avoiding burn out are common theme in every momma’s life and you express it so well…PLEASE WRITE A BOOK (when you get a second)!
Brooke says
The first job is to love! Yes, I can relate to all this, great post.
Traci says
Yes. Just do the next thing, with joy, and if I am lucky, a little grace. Thank you for your words, your time. And actually I have an old hornets nest hanging above my desk, something I couldn’t part with when I cleaned out my (preschool) classroom three years ago. I think about your journey sometimes, I can only imagine just in the home alone, but also teaching preschool. I am still in the classroom, but as a Sub. It is truly the best job ever. I also started a hobby business three years ago. It has taken over our home and it feels like nothing is ever done. But these are choices I have been blessed to have been given. And when I remember that, it is easier for the joy to return. Hope your weekend is lovely.
christina says
Ginny, I think you hit the nail on the head, the housework and the school work are not the emergencies: the attention, love, and time spent together as a family are!
Isabel says
and the bit of patchwork folded on the bed is…..?
Ginny says
…hopefully going to be a small quilt for Job’s birthday! I am not much of a quilter though. This is the first sewing of any kind that I have done in ages!
Isabel says
You will succeed with the quilt as you do with all the things you do for your family, because you do it with love! I just love the color palette you’ve chosen.
alexa says
Mmm. I have three and I’m in that boat. *sigh*
Jess says
“How is it possible to sit on your brother’s head on accident!!!”
Yeah, real statement by me today, no wonder we are stressed out. We have so much on our shoulders and we have to do it all with a whole bunch of loud and crazy kids running all over the place! AAHH!!
It’s crazy, but it’s beautiful… and we can’t see the beautiful without the crazy.
Jess says
“How is it possible to sit on your brother’s head on accident!!!”
Yeah, real statement by me today, no wonder we are stressed out. We have so much on our shoulders and we have to do it all with a whole bunch of loud and crazy kids running all over the place! AAHH!!
It’s crazy, but it’s beautiful… and we can’t see the beautiful without the crazy.
Can’t appreciate the calm without the storm…
Rachel Marie says
so true that homeschooling and homekeeping is not an emergency. I have to tell myself that and variations of it everyday. I tend to be able to worry about one thing at a time UNTIL either company is coming or we’re getting ready for a trip or big outing. i feel my blood pressure go up. actually, i just felt that a minute ago when i checked the potatoes i’m making to go with a meal for a new mom at our church and they are NOT getting done. i think a big part of the problem is not wanting to let people down. like i said the meal would arrive at a certain time and now i will be late. makes me crazy. i know i need to learn to take those situations in stride as well! yes, prayer, tea, asking for help- those are great ways to deal. I just started using essential oils too and i’m excited to get some to help with my mood- just to balance me out a bit and help me stop and take a deep breath rather than yelling. Our eighth baby is on the way. i’m homeschooling 6 and taming a toddler so life is busy. and it’s so different than how I grew up- an only child nearly 9 and then just one sister. childhood was quiet and clean. life now is LOUD and MESSY 😉 I crave quiet and I’ve had to learn to try to enjoy the chaos. But I still require rest time for everyone for an hour on weekdays. so atleast there’s a little piece of quiet for me. i think i need some of that tea you pictured.
Tracy says
Love this post! Question out of curiosity- what is growing in your gardens?
Ginny says
I planted a mixture of buckwheat, crimson clover, and turnips. First frost will take the buckwheat, but the clover will bloom next spring! The turnips are kind of an experiment.
Tirza says
You just wrote my feelings and life. We’ll get through it and, dare I say, one day miss the chaos and kids and this busy, full life? But it’s so hard right now, I know.
Hannah says
Oh I soooooo relate. 6 months pregnant with my 5th child, homeschooling my 11 year old for the first time, everybody else needing me just as they always have and all around me the laundry piles and washing up piles and to-dos of every kind grow bigger – and most of all the piles of ‘shoulds’ in my own silly head! Honestly – as if it’s really actually doable for one mere mortal woman to do ‘all’ that and do it all well! If I never slept I wouldn’t finish it all. Internal whirlwinds feel seriously uncomfortable don’t they? Our best days are usually the ones where we slammed the door behind us on all those jobs and just went out into the rain or the mud or the sun or whatever was out there – just LEFT it all. Somehow it never looks so overwhelming when we get home again. Blessings to you, dear fellow mama x Hannah
Angie says
Oh my, yes. And I even have four less children than you do, so I really shouldn’t complain at all…
This season is such a full season, I keep telling myself to slow down and breathe – and keep things simple. Such a great reminder to focus on the love….it’s true. My kids don’t really care if I am making three kinds of cupcakes for their birthday party – they want me to be calm and present with them and watch their dress-up drama they are putting on in the living room. Thank you for the reminder.
Dana says
do I see the beginnings of a new quilt? I ‘just’ sat down yesterday and began cutting up old shirts to make a quilt. I think I am 3 (mens) shirts into it (out of 16) yikes! There’s something about quilting (and crochet) that reminds me to ‘SLOW DOWN! THIS ISN’T A RACE!’ *pant pant pant*
I’m feeling everything you say Ginny! *raises a cuppa tea and picks up my crochet*
and btw the way… I ‘did’ get my master bath cleaned today. *feels all accomplished!* 😀
Ginny says
It’s a quilt top for Job’s first bday! Hopefully I can get the quilt finished by next week! Good job on the bathroom. 🙂
Helena says
“I am meant to adapt, and not let just living stress me out.” I am going to hold these words close as a reminder. Thank you!
Hanne, a grandma in Denmark says
When your child ask you if you are stressed up, maybe you should thank him for reminding you, and see this as the help you pray for.
And the hornets nest is frigthening and beautiful at the same time.
Have a peacefull weekend.
Molly says
The days I keep going over and over in my head all the things I need, or want, to do, are the days that I kind of self-implode and end up doing nothing. It’s like just thinking about everything takes away the energy I need to actually do it. So, I either try to take one thing at a time (whatever comes to mind first) or I write a list – it helps to get it out – even if I don’t end up getting it done. Thank you for the post – there are lots of people feeling the same as you, every day!
Hannah says
That’s a really astute observation – I’m going to (try to!) remember that. Thank you!
Wendi says
I have seven at home also, and that last paragraph pretty much sums up my life. And I grew up in a quiet and perfectly orderly house, which I think sets the bar in my head unrealistically high. Thanks for putting the real priority into words for me, as a reminder. I can start thinking that the homeschooling and housework IS the job, when its really loving these people and teaching them how to love that is the most important thing.
Lauren says
I struggle with this, too. A breakthrough for me has been keeping a “DONE list” on the flip side of to-do. So at the end of the day you can look at what you’ve DONE, and realize that you did more than you give yourself credit for! (And routine things like making meals and folding laundry count, too! Anything you did goes on the list! And then feel satisfied… you’re only human! What you managed to do in a single day is noteworthy!)
Rachel Marie says
i do this too- it helps so much! i just add things to my to-do list that I’ve done just so i can see them crossed off 🙂
Ginny says
Sometimes I do that too! (make a DONE list.)
Věra says
Myslím, že každá z nás je občas ve stresu:-). Ano, je to v našich hlavách, co ještě musíme udělat a aby to bylo podle našich představ……..Ale jsou dny, kdy mě nerozhodí opravdu nic. Jdu do přírody a jen se nadechuji na další musím:-). Tak abychom měli jen ty klidné dny. Věra♥
Spalva says
I too am someone who needs to be finished now and then. I love posts like this, Ginny.
I am so stinking (stinking!) envious of those baseball players of yours. I was an All Star baseball player. But I was a girl. In the 70s. I was also part of the first draft. But the top teams never picked the best girl player. The top (winning) teams picked the first draft boys. But I, I was always picked by the teams at the end of the line, meaning I was always, always on teams that would win one game a season. And I also would have played every day of the year if it was possible, which it wasn’t, because baseball was a Spring sport. A Spring sport in Oregon. Ugh. I’m so jealous.
Ginny says
The one time I tried to pitch a softball to a friend of mine who played, I somehow managed to hit myself in the face…. 🙂
Spalva says
I don’t even know you but somehow I know that’s so you! 🙂
Wendy says
I’m so glad you write beautiful things for us to read!
Nancy says
This really resonates with me. I feel like I’ve always been able to hold things together, and then, for some reason, baby #6 and having a 16-year-old have put me at my maximum right now. Every day feels like it’s full of things I’m not getting done – and all of them are important! Having big families, is not easy, for sure. I really needed this reminder to pray for help, and to LOVE first. And maybe, today, I’ll set aside some of my anxieties and start that baby sweater I’ve been dying to make. Thanks, Ginny, as always, your writing is an inspiration to me.
Kate says
Maybe you already know this, but I thing the high-stress feelings are often generated by “control issues.” I’ve often noticed that women with the same work load, but who don’t have this issue are more relaxed about their to-do list. I think that housework becomes an emergency for women who perhaps see the undone work as a precursor to (imagined) chaos or a sign that they are “losing control.” I don’t know how you fix that, but maybe the first step is in recognizing that that is the issue and laughing at yourself (which I know is hard for control freaks to do) and keep telling yourself that EVERYTHING cannot be of equal importance.
Part of it is temperment which is not going to change. My Type A sister with 3 kids is almost always more strung out than my Type Z sister with 8 kids. The funny thing is Sister Z has a much more organized, clean and calm home. She’s very focused, whereas Sister A is always getting distracted by projects she needs to fix and put in place every single minute which makes her less effective overall. They love each other, but they drive each other nuts when they have to work together.
Kate says
Thinking about the difference between my sisters more, I wanted to add that (like your sipping tea) consciously slowing down physically helps your internal disposition. We live near a convent of sisters and the novices are trained to not hurry, but to move deliberately and carefully in everything they do to promote a disposition of peace. I noticed that when my Sister Z was in a high stress situation (preparing a formal dinner for 2 dozen+ people) and she dropped and broke a large serving dish, she stopped, took a deep breath, said aloud that it was not a big deal and proceeded to move more slowly. My Sister A in the same situation gets upset, beats herself up over it and proceeds to move more quickly to “make up for lost time” and urge everyone else to move more quickly. The whole behind-the-scenes atmosphere becomes stressful and she collapses afterwards. It reminds me of being on the highway where there’s a guy tailing you, trying to pass, swerving in and out of traffic and only getting a few cars ahead or eventually getting pulled over for speeding or even worse ends up in an accident (or causing an accident). So when I’m feeling stressed and anxious, I take a deep breath and do what I’m doing more slowly and say something like “Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” Helps every time.
Ginny says
This is all so true–I think I must be somewhere in the middle–Like a type “M.” 🙂 Depending on my stress level, I crave some control, but am not capable of really maintaining order. I seem to fluctuate between being able to handle lots of chaos, to not being able to handle it at all. I’m not consistent at all!
Jessica M. says
Hi there. Thank you for these lovely words, ones I need as I dive into a day of housework, homeschooling and caring for our 5 sweet babes. I’m new to your blog and thus far very much in love. 🙂 I’m curious…what is the cover crop on your raised beds? You have a beautiful garden layout!
Ginny says
It’s a mixture of buckwheat, crimson clover, and turnips!
Mimi says
Thank you for sharing. All this has really been on my mind lately! I’ve tried to establish more rhythm to my days and weeks, which has helped me be ok with the fact that nothing is ever completely done, just done for that day. I also tend to get overwhelmed and anxious, so I’ve printed off some of Francis de Sales’ words of wisdom and put them in front of my planner. They’re good reminders to refocus on God and offer him my little crosses.
Sharron says
“Since when did homeschooling and housework become an emergency?” I love it!!! That is so true, and I don’t have a big family. I do have a 15 yo daughter and an 8 yo daughter and I think it is just the nature of being home all day and seeing the messes all day long. And wanting it all to look clean and orderly.
I really love this!
Barbara says
Stress and anxiety are beasts. They steal away loving moments, and you really are left feeling empty. I’m dealing with it, too, and sometimes it’s all I can do to not really lose it, much less be the loving, pulled-together person I want to be. I feel like I’m letting a lot of things go and still holding on by my fingertips. Yesterday, I tried passionflower in capsules, but without great results. I’m not sure if I need to take it for a couple days, weeks…or if I’m beyond herbal remedies. Does the tea help? I drink chamomile all day…if it helps I can’t imagine where I’d be if I wasn’t drinking it. Sad thing is…I have nothing to worry about (well, except my health). I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Debby says
Ginny, Your words today really touched me. I have been enjoying your blog for several weeks now, and it really amazes me that you find time to share with us amongst your very-full life. Thank you for that, and thank you for your photos and sharing your family. The words that hit me the hardest today are: “My first job is to love. Anything that is stopping me from doing that can’t possibly be very important.” Such powerful words of truth. Listen to your heart, slow down, hug your kids and everything else will fall into place. Who cares if there are dishes in the sink and dirty clothes on the floor. When you look back at your life, I’m sure you won’t be saying, “Wow, I really wish I had done the laundry on Thursday October 30, 2014!” Thanks again for sharing yourself with me. I look forward to your blog every day. God bless, Debby Reece (mom of 2 busy baseball-playing boys in San Diego, CA).
Betsy M says
I must echo all of the other comments in saying that you could be writing about my life right now. Thank you for putting it so beautifully and in particular for this sentence, “I think the answer lies in focusing on just the next thing, and doing that next thing joyfully, leaving all the rest for later. ” I need to remember this!! Hope your day is wonderful.
Leah says
I hear ya mama! We have two in travel soccer(different teams, so different practices and game schedules), we homeschool, and just have daily life with 6 kiddos. This week has been so rough….we forked out a lot of money that we don’t have to fix our van, our oldest broke his wrist, dentist appointments, etc. School has hardly happened. But I LOVE what you said! Seriously like balm to me. Thank you
Patty says
It’s posts like this that keep me coming back here. Recently I’ve had many days where upon reaching evening I think I haven’t accomplished anything during the day. I’ve given up on finished but still beat myself up for not being productive enough. Thank you for this.
Kris S. says
Thank you for this post. I do feel like this. Especially lately, having gone from a home where most of my children are grown and away on their own–my ‘baby’ is 17 and the only one left home–to having my eldest son and his family of four move in with us.
Talk about a change! Suddenly I am thrown back into the days of toddlers and babies without the nine month preparation time and easing into things. Being leading lady in a family of six was something I worked my way into over a course of seven years, then slowly out of as my kids grew up. In just three weeks in September I became leading lady in a household of seven and trying to mentor the other mother in the household. Most days my head is in a spin.
Knowing that this is just a season helps, but doesn’t erase the need for taking some quiet time when I can. Reading your blog is part of my prescribed quiet time. 🙂
Tracey says
Why yes I have been sitting at my chair in the kitchen and turned to see a child with a huge hornets nest; when he moved out I made sure it went with him. 🙂
Hugs to you!
Mat. Anna says
I was just about to type, “I could have written this”, but I had to stop and pull the baby away from the trash can. Sigh. I try to accomplish (as in “finish”) one thing a day just so I can say I accomplished something. On the other hand, there are so many days when I collapse at the end – or near the middle – and think *I have done nothing today*, but realize that I can list a whole host of things I *have* done even though 99% of those were maintenance things rather than finite tasks. It’s part of this season of life.
((Hugs))
Diana says
It’s funny how Grace works….it’s always in the moment…and that’s where we need to stay, just like what you so beautifully expressed. But oh my goodness….surrender is a daily choice we have to keep making over and over and over….
Gretchen R says
Ginny, I feel like I could have written this post. I also feel that I write about my stress too much on my blog, and am not sure what to do about that. I’ve also started drinking a medicinal stress tea. I got http://www.bulkherbstore.com/Stress-Zapper-Tea. It’s really yummy. There are a few things in it that you shouldn’t take if you’re pregnant, but that’s not an issue right now. Also, I’m wondering if the ginseng in it is keeping me awake at night. I’t doesn’t take away my frustration, but it does relieve that tight, panicky feeling I get in my chest, and really fast. We are near the end of harvest out on our farm, and the stress escalates higher and higher until it is over. My kids miss their dad. They’re acting out from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to bed and I’m just so sick of fighting them all day. I’ve started sending them out to the field to hang out with their dad one on one for a few hours, and it does help, but it’s yet another thing to juggle.
Your words convicted me, and will be with me all day: “Since when did homeschooling and housework become an emergency? My first job is to love. Anything that is stopping me from doing that can’t possibly be very important.” There is so much truth in that. Thank you so much for your words.
Elizabeth says
such lovely lovely pictures.
“I think the answer lies in focusing on just the next thing, and doing that next thing joyfully, leaving all the rest for later.”
YES! this is it… my Mother told me this years ago, focus on just the next thing. I know it is easy to get overwhelmed, some seasons of our lives are just very full and busy. A wise older Catholic woman often counseled me to just ‘be with God today’…
I struggle with that same feeling often; new house, not fully unpacked, projects galore, etc; it is good to pray and as you said also ask for help.
Praying with you and for you dear in Christ Ginny!
Joyful says
Seems to be the norm among those of us who care about our families and work hard to keep things done or going smooth. I have felt much the same way throughout October. I don’t homeschool but we live on a medium size farm that requires lots of work from all of us in the family. These shorter days will help us to slow down (as in being inside working together) and allow us more down time (knitting/crochet time). 🙂
I so enjoy visiting here, the realness is so refreshing!
Dawn says
I agree, Joyful! We live on a farm and I find the darkening days of Autumn to be a real respite from the wonderfully crazy seasons before. We also purposely built our house with lots of windows so have little use for artificial light. In fact, we have very few lamps in the entire house. We find it helps to adjust our natural cycles more to the available light so when Mother Nature gets more sleep, so do we. A small thing but it helps keep me from doing housework into the wee hours. Peace!