Keats and Gabe played in a Baseball tournament over the weekend which required Jonny to be up and out of the house early with them on Saturday. I spent what turned into hours trying to get everyone ready to go watch the boys play their second game of the day. I thought we were only going to miss the first fifteen minutes or so but ended up getting there for only the last fifteen minutes because the game started earlier than it was scheduled to. (Hello, Jonny and Ginny. Please purchase a new cell phone in order to avoid this happening again in the future.)
Feeling a little frustrated, I headed for home in The Beauty by myself, and Jonny voluntarily took all the kids in the van. (For those who don’t know, The Beauty is the used gold Ford Taurus that Jonny swapped labor for a couple of years ago. The girls named it and the name stuck.) Evidently not in my right mind, I pulled into a major department store that I passed on my way home. Job is lacking in the seasonally appropriate clothing department and I haven’t had luck thrifting or shopping online. I almost never enter a store outside of the grocery though, and for good reason. I’m clearly not cut out for stores that sell a wide variety of items.
I turned the wrong way when I entered the store and circled nearly the entire place before finding the baby clothes department. I was looking for what I believe would be described as short sleeved summer rompers, and I was hoping to find gray ones because I like gray baby clothes. I narrowed in on the familiar Carter’s brand and started hunting for gray. All gray items seem to have blinding stripes and appliques and in some cases obnoxious text. I don’t care for text on baby clothes. I circled the same three racks or so for what must have been more than half an hour. Then I decided to step away and recompose while trying to find some “unnies” for Silas who will be three soon. He has been experimenting with underwear lately, namely the girls underwear. The experiments have not been going well. I found a pack of unnies with dinosaurs, and thinking that the old “You don’t want to tinkle on the dinosaurs” trick might work, grabbed them before heading back to the baby clothes.
Again, I started circling trying to remember exactly what Job needed. “Rompers, rompers,” I thought to myself while picking up a set including a onesie, a pair of knit pants, and a long sleeved button up knit top adorned with whales. “Not a romper, not even close. Not gray, but on sale.” At this point, I realized that my brain was starting to melt. I picked up another set, this one with two onesies and a pair of knit pants, contemplating their usefulness. I started talking to myself, possibly out loud. “Stop being so crazy, Ginny. Just grab some baby clothes and get out.”
I made it to the checkout and had my items rung up. That three piece set was way cheaper than I thought. Maybe I should grab another. “We can suspend your transaction if you want to go grab it.” So I did. Enter new checkout person who rings my items including third baby set (none being what I entered store for.) Would you like to save 30% today by applying for our store credit card? I pause for a moment and think in slow motion melted brain talk, “Hey thaaaaat’s a pretty good deeeeeeal.”
And this is where things got really ugly. Thinking to myself, “I never go to stores. We might need some things. This store appears to have everything. I better go find those things we need while I can get a big discount.” I headed back for more.
Later, when I pulled into our driveway, I was immediately mobbed by my kids wanting to know why I took so long to get home. I was still trying to recover and couldn’t speak at first. I pointed to the shopping bag. I tried to explain what happened. I mentioned picture frames, silverware, food processors, and even a coffee maker. And then there were t-shirts on sale and my big boys need t-shirts (but preferably not t-shirts that advertise beer. What’s up with that?) I escaped with a few picture frames and a small pack of spoons in addition to the baby clothes.
The following day, on the way home from day two of the tournament, Jonny ran in and returned the picture frames for me. I refuse to enter that store again without a very clear plan and an escort. I take that back. I refuse to enter that store again ever. I am not wired for shopping.