Lately, Silas’ hair seems to keep coming up. Friends, acquaintances, and even anonymous strangers have been suggesting that we cut it. I am not easily offended and I really don’t mind when the comments are made by people who love us. In fact, we actually nearly did buzz it all off last weekend after Silas cut it himself with scissors, close to the scalp and right up front. But then, we just couldn’t. It’s not just me, Jonny doesn’t want to cut it either. I tried to explain to a friend that I look at those curls, the ones my boys seem to have as toddlers and by some cruel twist of genetics my girls never do, and the thought of cutting them, it makes me cry. I won’t pretend that’s rational. I know it’s just hair. But I can try to explain.
Only recently I transitioned from being a mom to young children, to being a mom to teenagers as well. Late last summer I had a devastating experience with one of my older kids that left me heartbroken. In the midst of it, I spent an entire night sobbing, unable to see how I’d face the road ahead. But by the Grace of God I crawled out of bed puffy and red faced the next morning and I did. Hard talks were had and we made it through, but the experience left a lasting mark. It might sound dramatic, but I knew that for me, being a mom would never be the same again. I think that must happen to most moms at some point. There comes a day when you realize that parenthood is going to break your heart, again and again.
A couple months later, Job was born. He was over ten pounds and had severe shoulder dystocia. In other words, he got stuck. His birth was terrifying. Nearly five months later and I am still not the same physically or mentally. I look at Job’s face and his perfect sweetness, perfect innocence, and I cry sometimes. I cry because of what he and I went through, but I also cry because I know he might break my heart one day. I know what that feels like now. I marvel over each little physical milestone he reaches, while mourning the phase he leaves behind. I get all mixed up, the trauma of late last summer and then Job’s arrival muddling my brain and dominating my emotions.
As we’ve entered this new phase with our older children, this parenting thing, it’s turned out to be so much harder than I ever imagined. And once you realize that, there’s not much you can do but keep moving forward, and keep loving your kids, knowing that there is pain ahead. Even in the best case scenario, we are loving them so that one day they will leave us.
So maybe you’ll understand when I tell you, I’m not ready to cut Silas’ curls off. And maybe you won’t. Tell me he looks like a girl, and I’ll just have to shrug my shoulders. I have to be honest, I’m not worried about that. Call me selfish and I’ll tell you the only haircut he’s interested in right now is a self inflicted one. Call me sentimental and silly and I’ll smile and agree, but I can’t part with those curls. Because cutting them off will be like taking one step closer to the inevitable. I know he’s going to grow up, but right now he’s still a little boy not even three years old. I’m not ready for that first haircut. Soon, I think, but not yet. For right now, I’m keeping his curls.
Kari Frazier says
Very Beautiful. I only have five kiddos, but with three being 2 year old triplets I can so thoroughly relate. I never knew the sadness I felt after the babies were born. I treasure each day, but oh they can be tough. I appreciate the honesty and beauty in your words. Thank you!
Linda says
Love this post! I’m also transitioning from little kids to teens, with a baby in tow. Being a mom is a tough job! It really makes us see ourselves for who we really are!
kate says
Thanks for sharing – your open and heartfelt words are appreciated.
helene says
Oooh, Ginny, you have done it once again. Once again, I know why I have been reading you for so long and really really like you very much.
I am one of those terrifying ‘please cut children’s hair, I hate those long thin floating baby hair, can’t stand those curls on a little boy’ kind of person.
Well, first of all, I never thought any of the above about Silas’ hair when looking at your wonderful pictures of him since he was born. Maybe I am more mature now. Maybe I have grown out of that stage. Maybe I am looking at my teenagers and now know that there are other, bigger, worry…
Maybe it just simply suits him well. 😉
I was teary-eyed at the end of this post. And all I could think was “Right, good on you, Ginny. Keep those curls on him.”
Beverly says
Keep the curls. My husband will be 64 and his last real haircut( except for occassional trim of ends) was in 1990. It’s curly, receding, and back in a pony tail. I recently found out that when my son was in middle school his friends thought my husband was a “biker.’ Nothing could be further than the truth but it just goes to show you how peoples perceptions about hair and appearance can be misleading.
You & your son will know if and when to cut it. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Ashley Smith says
I’m so glad you didn’t cut his hair!!! Our Caleb
Is 4 and has the most beautiful hair. His baby
Curls turned into a long hair cut at three.
He has a very “pretty” face and has been mistaken
As a girl time and time again but I have never
Cared for reasons that you shared! Recently
My mom came to visit and kept making comments
about cutting his hair. I did it and I’ve regretted it time and time again
And it’s just been about a week! It’s just not him! I wish I would have read this last week! Good job!
Briana (justamouse) says
No one’s business but yours. Those curls are adorable.
erin says
ginny this post truly pulled at my heartstrings. thank you for your words. i was pushed into trimming my baby’s hair last summer by my own very caring mother who just would not let it go. finally when it was done, i was heartbroken and full of regret. he is my third, he’s got lovely blonde curls and thankfully they did grow back. i now let them get as long as i want, knowing that this time is fleeting and nobody, not even my own mama (who really did mean only the best) can rush me through.
silas has lovely hair and you are a lovely mama. thanks again.
Tami says
I have never heard of this shop! Headed over there to create a wishlist for the kiddos and I.
Devon says
This is a beautiful post Ginny! Thanks for sharing.
Cordelia says
Sweet Ginny. How beautiful this is.
Parenting is such hard and beautiful work.
I keep a few much loved parenting books by my bedside and read the same things over and over again many nights in a row sometimes- they are like little bibles to me.
Mine are still little- 7 and 5. Who knows what kind of older children they will be, but I have plans about what kind of mother I will be. Ultimately, I guess that’s all we really have control of.
XOXOXO
Cory
Veggie Mountain Mama says
Love this post Ginny. I don’t have any teenagers yet, but I too hesitated in cutting my son’s hair when he was young. It was growing quite long and people made comments about the girliness of it, but I loved that long hair…so we didn’t cut it until he asked for it to get cut (buzzed) like daddy’s. He is just about 8 now and I still miss that long hair so blonde and curly. If keeping the curls is what makes you happy and Silas is content with it for now, just keep it. As for your traumatic experience last summer, I know that is probably an inevitable hurdle I will have to cross in the future as well, but for now I am going to cherish my seven and eleven year old kids.
Stephinie says
Oh Ginny. These words could be from my own notebook. My first and last, my boys, are ten years apart. I know the hard times with my oldest have caused me to soften a bit with the youngest. To perhaps let him be a sweet mamas boy as long as he’ll stand it. To have a little more patience with his shenanigans. The other day we were walking in the grocery store and Luke (at seven) slipped his hand into mine. As we walked past another little boy he let go of my hand and stuck into his coat pocket. Once we were past, he slipped his hand in mine again. This went on for some time before I realized what he was doing. My heart lurched a little and I could have teared up right there in the chip aisle. (ridiculous, I know) My baby is growing up. I have to learn to let go a little each day. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, this mama gig. As for my big guy, he is seventeen Ginny! 17! He graduates from high school this year and at the summer’s end plans to head off into the great unknown. Most days I feel like I haven’t given him the tools he needed, that I must have missed something. But at the end of the day…. I just love him. And I trust that his path will somehow unfold just the way it was meant to be. xo~
Shari says
My 10 year old son has long hair, and of course gets called a girl even though he SOOOO doesn’t remotely look like a girl….if he was a girl, she would not be very attractive, lol. Anyway, the questions and comments are annoying, but he LOVES his hair long and so do I. I have a 25 year old son, and a 16 year old daughter so I truly realize in the whole scheme of his life that his hair length makes no difference. I will have bigger ‘battles’ to fight as he gets older probably, so I’m not choosing the hair!! Besides, we have a friend who is in his 70’s and has long hair, he keeps in a pony tail, and he is someone who is wise, carrying, ery neat, almost regal looking and compassionate, and he told my son not to listen to others, if he likes it let it grow. My son really took that to heart and doesn’t seem to be as bothered by others comments. I also understand the heartache as our children get older, and yes it changes the way you ‘mother’ forever….but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I have you in my thoughts, I love your blog and your honest openness. Makes my heart feel full!!!
Emmie says
This is exactly why I love your blog so much. You write from your heart and I thank you. I have 3 children, ages 20, 15, and 2.7 months…(about Silas’) age:) and I have had my share of parenting heartache as well as so much joy. Motherhood breaks us and shows us how truly dependent on God we are. Blessings Ginny, and keep those curls.
Leona says
Such a wonderful honest post. Thank you. Your words articulate what I feel so accurately (even though I did not go through your experience). I didn’t let my son have a haircut till he was past two years old. My daughter is coming up to two years old soon, and she hasn’t had a haircut yet. There’s plenty of time for haircuts and shorter hair. Let me have these first few years of long, curly, baby goodness.
Kathy says
I have discovered, this first time biological parent, that this journey is an emotional one. I won’t say rollercoaster, because that has been over used though it is probably apt. As we will probably only ever have the one, I understand perfectly. My little man is so obviously a little boy but already we’ve been told how sweet our girl is. People say when his hair gets longer, I’ll cut it, but I disagree. For boys, there is a moment when they visually cease to be babies and become toddlers. And for me, that moment is that first haircut. Iain is but 9 months, but since he had a full head of hair when born and never lost it, it’s already quite long (4-5 inches). I can’t bear the thought of cutting it. I’ll check in with you again in three years and let you know then….
As for the heartbreak, I agree. I raised my stepson (so I’ve raised a teenager and am now learning how to raise a baby). You can pour so much of yourself into them, but they are independent beings and will break your heart, deliberately or otherwise. And all you can do is love them and try to give them the best and let them walk their own journey in this world… no matter how frustrating or hurtful those choices might be.
lots of love and supportive thoughts your way…
Laura says
I can relate to much of what you write. I only have five children, but my first son had the most amazing long strawberry blond curls. I loved them. People always thought he was a girl – due to the hair and the fact I put him in smocked clothing for church. 🙂 Anyway, my husband couldn’t take it anymore once he reached 2 1/2 so I agreed to a haircut. I wish I had held out a bit longer. My girls both had straight brown hair (oh the injustice!) and my second son had the same reddish color, but no curls…we cut it earlier because it didn’t look good once it was getting long. My third son was born a month ago, and I’m hoping for some more gorgeous hair to allow to grow! I also have big babies. My third and fourth were in the 9 and 10 pound range and both had shoulder dystocia. It IS difficult to deal with – or can be. Thankfully, my last, who was my largest, at 10 pounds 5 ounces did not experience shoulder dystocia….what a difference it made. It still wasn’t easy, but at least he didn’t get stuck. :-). My oldest is only 9, and while I’ve been sad at times, that true heartbreak hasn’t happened yet. I’m sure it will. I can only imagine how it feels. So, all that to say, I’m glad you are keeping the curls. They are beautiful and it shouldn’t matter what others think. 🙂
Melissa says
My youngest–6 years old–has had many a haircut, but we’ve always made sure to keep his gorgeous shaggy curls (Big Brother, 11, has always kept his longer curls–aside from one unfortunate trim). Just this past weekend I took the little one for a trim and he asked for his hair to be cut off his neck and ears. He’s tired of other kids at kindergarten telling him he has girl’s hair. It made me sad in so many ways, but I want him to have the hair that makes him feel confident. He still looks gorgeous, and so much older, but after a week I’m still having trouble picking him out in a crowded room!
Enjoy your babies!
Gayle says
Listen, from one homeschooling mama of almost 7, whose teenager has broken her heart just the same, to another: KEEP THE CURLS. I get it. I seriously, seriously do. Huge hugs to you, mama. <3
Ashley says
Good for you keep them as long as you can. I have a almost three year old too. He also had long blond hair with curls. I cut them last summer and wish I would have left them a little longer. Cheers!
Brigitte says
I had my heart broken by my oldest when she was 18. Nothing can prepare you for it. The only good I could see was that it opened my eyes and when I looked at everyone, say during communion at mass, I realized that they were all carrying inside something similar. It made me feel united with others in some wordless way. ( maybe I should add that I had had a very peaceful childhood and a good husband and had known for a long time that my life had been “easy”) It was also a huge lesson in humility that I surely needed. As for the hair, I am shocked that you even have to explain it. How could anyone object? Or at least why do they feel the need or right to? Your posts are a blessing and are exceptional.
Diana says
When your heart feels it’s ready to cut his hair, you can keep his curls forever… snip them off and put them in a small box. You could look at them forever if you wish because you really did save them.
sonrie says
Hi Ginny,
Your honesty really resonated with me, and I enjoyed reading this piece. It can be so hard to know what someone is going through sometimes and as humans, sometimes we have to go through little heartaches from time to time – I hope you continue to heal in all ways.
Brooke says
My son Abraham is 4 1/2 and has long hair. It started growing so quickly and we would trim it but eventually it got LONG… and he loves it!! We’ve asked him if he wants to cut it and he always says no so I’d never make him cut something he loves, plus I love it too 🙂 He has learned to say “I’m not a girl. I’m a boy, I just have long hair.” He came up with that all by himself and just said it the other day when a stranger said he was such a “cute little girl.” He cracks me up! Boys with long hair rule, and I’m almost crying thinking about him growing up and the inevitable pain we mommy’s have to experience.
Evi says
I understand!
My heart aches for you. I have seven children too, some grown, and have been through some hard times with them but when I look at the photos of them as babes (also with boy curls!) I am reminded how nice it really was back then. They do grow into lovely responsible adults and they will cause you grief at some time but they will always be the same babes!!
Ginny, no apologies! Enjoy the little ones and the curls for as long as they let you!!
Dawn says
My sons have long blond curls, too, and they are precious to me (I have long dark brown and very straight hair.) No one has ever confused them for girls but my parents constantly brush their hair out of their eyes which makes me and my husband crazy. They can push their hair away if they want to, for goodness’ sakes! I stopped my dad’s questions about their first haircuts when I reminded him that men and boys have had long hair far longer than they have had short hair (from my knowledge of history.) That has stopped the questions so far!
Nancy M says
I have a 15y son, 14y daughter, 12y son, and 9y son. I remember cutting my daughters curls off because she didn’t like to have her hair messed with and oh I regretted it because I didn’t realize they’d be gone and not come back. She has ended up with long hair and takes care of it beautifully but I was sad. I think it’s a shame how much we judge one another. We are to be encouragers and we go too far with our personal opinions, but I often remember how many times I’ve failed to hold my tongue. What I am thankful for is God’s steadfast love and mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23) and so when I mess up with my family or others, I’m thankful for grace and forgiveness.
Theresa@OrdinaryLovely says
Beautiful and a little heartrending. Time with our babies always seems so bittersweet – sweet in the moment, but those moments can feel so fleeting. Thank you for the reminder to cherish the days with littles and not wish them away. Love, Theresa
MamaAshGrove says
I know about the heart break, and I dread it when it comes. Often I think of how vulnerable I became when I became a mother- and yes, parenting older children is so much harder than littlest ones. I thank you for your wise and heart felt words today, Ginny.
And no, do not cut those curls. Even without it feeling like a step toward the inevitable- it would be so sad. My first two boys had curls as babies and toddlers, and even though they still wear their hair long, once they were trimmed off they were gone forever.
HUGS
Siné says
People have started asking me when my daughter is going to have he first haircut. I understood with my first son, but with a girl? really?! Keep those curls as long as you need to and as long as he will let you. They are so sweet.
Gina says
Good for you in keeping his curls! There is NO hurry at all!
My heart goes out to you about teenage angst. I’ve been there and it does get better in time (for the most part). My mother always said that when children are little, they step on your feet and when they are bigger, they step on your heart. So true.
{{HUGS}}
Sarah says
I know exactly what you are talking about! I’ve been feeling the same way about my baby, his (difficult) birth, his curly, long and soft-as-silk hair, my wanting to hold on to him, his sweet baby-ness, his hair for as long as I can and my older children growing up… Thank you so much for sharing this Ginny! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one with these feelings. Yes, enjoy that sweet little head of hair!
Ruby says
Our oldest is almost 12 and youngest nearing 3. I absolutely agree. Love your words, such beautiful, raw truth. We just trimmed our youngest’s hair and it had gotten LONG, even for a girl. But I absolutely was not ready to go down that road yet. (((Hugs)))
Jennifer says
Oh my, I vividly remember the actual pain from heartache when we experienced it as parents for the first time. I just wasn’t prepared for it. The first heartache and the realization of what the future holds is the hardest. God gives us the grace to get through it and to love unconditionally. It comes full circle as we are now grandparents and experiencing a whole new wonderful phase and purpose of life. It is a very healing balm and truly a blessing and gift from God.
Holly says
YES,dont ever feel you have to listen to anyone about your angels hair!!!I didnt.My son had beautiful hair,wavy curls,everyone said he looked like a awesome girl.Well he is 26 and already going bald so enjoy every minute of those curls!!!!!
Molly says
I kept my youngest boys curls until he was 4, I felt the same way about his hair. Once you have older children/teens you begin to understand how fleeting the baby years are, and their hair is never the same after you cut it. It is hard enough to let go when it’s time without rushing babyhood & childhood.
Shae says
It’s amazing how many people think it’s ok to judge you & your child based on their haircut.
I have 3 daughters & my now 6 1/2 year old has chosen to wear her hair in a very short pixie crop since she was 3. She personally hates the fuss that can come with longer hair (admittedly I do too). I cannot tell you the amount of ridiculous, judgemental things people have said to myself & her about having hair “like a boy”.
It drives me crazy!
KC says
Whew, I hope that day of heartbreak come later than sooner. I have a what experts consider a high needs child and she consistently says things that will really hurt me. But I know it’s so far in situations where she is hungry or tired or angry. I wouldn’t cut his hair either. Especially if it won’t grow back curly. I worried about that with my youngest. She has a mop of ringlet curls and I don’t want them to go away.
Claudette says
I really don’t understand how “people” think they can tell you what to do with your children! It never ceases to amaze me. He is still so little, who cares if he has long, short or in between hair. He is absolutely adorable. As all your wonderful children are. Yes (on a different note) they will break your heart so that you feel you will never recover. And then their they are- back to their sweet selves. It will happen over and over through out your parenting journey. Just always trust the Lord to help you. I know from many years of being a parent, grandparent and great grandparent! Nothing is better than children, even when its hard. 🙂
I LOVE your posts.
Renee Anne says
When Little Man was small, I didn’t want to cut his curl off either. I finally did and they keep coming back. Let’s hope the next one is the same 🙂
Brooke says
keep the curls. while i was myself curled up with my newest boy my biggest boy cut his off. i cried. this parenting gig is the challenge of a lifetime. xo
Ellie says
Ah Ginny. Love and hugs and prayers for you! I saw one of the recent comments about Silas’s hair and was dismayed. At church a few weeks back a man came up to us and told us that my son’s hair is “awful” and offered to pay for a haircut. I just about fell over i was so shocked. Some folks just don’t have much of a self censor, hmm? Ah well! (Also, my son? His hair is short, a classic ‘boy’ cut, above his collar, not down over his ears. And he’s turning 12). My eldest son had gorgeous curls that I never trimmed until he was 4. 🙂 Ah, they were lovely. His hair is still very curly, but he keeps it pretty short these days (aged 25!).
I know well the pain that comes of heartbreaking situations with one’s child. It comes to many us us (all?). I am so sorry.
Maria says
Keep those curls as long as your family wants, Ginny! When my son was 2, he had the most beautiful shaggy blond hair. My husband and I talked about getting him a haircut, but decided we couldn’t bear to do it yet. The next week, my sister-in-law was watching him for a day while I was at work, and took it upon herself to give him a buzzcut, without even calling us and asking. She didn’t even save a lock of hair. I got to her house after work, to pick him up, took one look, and started bawling. To this day I still don’t think my sister-in-law understands why I was so upset! But thank goodness it is after all just hair, and does grow back.
zuzana says
i love you…:)
Carrie says
So well said. Thank you.
MotherOwl says
I kept them too 🙂
Jessica S. says
Our son had no hair until he was nearing the two year mark, only a tiny strip of hair down the middle of his head (like a mohawk). When he finally did get hair it was absolutely gorgeous curls. As they got longer people asked us to cut them, and we just couldn’t. They were just too adorable, and neither myself nor my husband could bring ourselves to do it. Then one day he was old enough to decide for himself, and he loves them. So it’s his choice now. He’s six and he still loves them. He has amazingly beautiful curls that go midway down his back. I NEVER thought I would be a mom with a boy with long hair, but here we are, and we still love them. And he loves them. Some people mistake him for a girl sometimes, but our son just politley says, “I’m a boy, with long hair” with a smile. He looks like a handsome boy with beautiful long hair, and most people love it. In fact, I get a lot of comments from moms that had boys with beautiful curls that regret cutting them because others wanted them to, and before they were ready. People have grown used to it. He’s six and has never had a haircut. Someday, he will want them cut, and I will keep his curls in his baby box. But for now we are loving them, and holding on to that last little bit of his innocence, because they grow up too fast. And life is too short to care what other people think. Not too long ago, men had long hair. Short hair is a new tradition, and shouldn’t be forced on everyone. Just do what your heart tells you. 🙂 God bless you.
Bee Balm Gal says
Billy Holiday sang it best: Ain’t Nobody’s Business … Hear her here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4FsxtlGi3k&feature=kp
kim s. says
I only have daughters, and my youngest & last is now 2. She has beautiful curls, and they will never be cut, tho’ they will grow out eventually. It’s really not about the hair, is it? It’s about holding on to those first waves of pure love and beauty that a new child offers us. That is not silly…I think it’s the essence of a mother’s heart, which we all express in different ways. 🙂
My oldest is 11, and I think I know what’s coming because I used to teach high school, but then I realize I probably know nothing of the hardships to come. I have not experienced the heartbreak you have, and I think this post moves me so much because I know it might happen to me, will probably, because that is REAL. My 8yo dd is something, has been since she was an infant…I actually started using the term “spark” after reading your post about Beatrice ages ago. The things she has said and done over the years already make me cringe for the future! But…she teaches me more about true, unconditional love than any of my other easier, sweeter children. I pray this continues to be my mindset in the future, and not silly, fanciful thinking on my part. God Bless!!