A friend mentioned the song “Footloose” on the phone with me last night, well actually she started singing it, and I sort of started singing too, which reminded me…
When I was a little girl, age six or so, I had a friend named Amy who lived across the street. She had a jukebox that played all of my favorite songs at the time. We would listen to “Beat it,” “Material Girl,” and of course “Footloose.” I remember dancing wildly across the room, jumping up on the backs of furniture to kick of our jelly shoes and send them flying. I was so in love with jelly shoes and had quite a few pairs that I would line up and admire before choosing which ones to wear. There was a feeling that went with those shoes, this deep little girl love of some sort, and I can feel it now. I had similar feelings for my jelly bracelets and wore them by the dozens. My favorite jellies, both the shoes and the bracelets, were the clear ones with glitter in them. They were so beautiful. The only problem with the shoes is that rocks would get stuck in the bottoms of the heels and I would have to pick them out, and they didn’t last that long. One day, at Amy’s house, she brought out glitter nail polish. I decided to paint it on my eyelids, which proved to be a very painful mistake. I can only imagine what the adults around must have been thinking, like what is wrong with this little girl to do something so foolish? But glittery eyelids would have been amazing and I guess I didn’t have any eyeshadow.
I get the best feeling when I remember those times, despite the rather tragic aspects of my childhood. Amy wasn’t allowed to play at my house. She was supposed to sleep over once but my parents got into a huge fight while she was there. Amy witnessed my stepdad physically abusing my mom–it was bad- and called her parents sobbing, and of course they came to take her home. Oh yes, I remember that night. I’m just thankful that her parents continued to let me come over to play. Gosh, I would have been so devastated if they didn’t. Those memories playing with Amy, they have stuck with me, rather than the ugly ones, of a little girl outside her parents door terrified that any moment it would open and she would be caught with her Fisher Price recorder, trying to record the fight so she could report her stepdad to the police and would have the recording as evidence. I’d nearly forgotten that. As I recounted these memories to my friend on the phone, she said, “Ginny, you were younger than Larkspur!” I can’t imagine placing Lark in my past life. I can’t picture it for a second. Impossible. But when I remember my stories from the time I was her age, I’m not really upset by the scary ones anymore because they are so distant and sometime so incredible that I have a hard time believing them. Seriously, I could write one of those books. I prefer the stories that involve dancing in my jellies and singing at the top of my lungs. It’s very true that bad things can happen, and you can eventually look back and say, “Yeah, but I’m okay.” You move on, you embrace the good, and the rest: those are just my stories now, and they don’t have to make me cry. And seriously, jelly shoes. I wish I could go back and admire my collection, just for a minute.
I don’t have nearly the number of childhood memories that Jonny does. I think that trauma does that. I worry that I will forget my own children’s childhoods. I keep this blog, but that’s not quite enough. I’ve never been much of a journal keeper, or baby book author, but what I want is a book of little details. The things that only matter to me. I came across a little diary a couple of months ago titled “One Line a Day: A Five-Year Memory Book.” Intrigued I ended up ordering copies for all the mother’s in my life for Mother’s day, and one for myself as well. There is only space for a few sentences on each day which has proven to be absolutely perfectly genius for me. Every night before I go to bed I write down the few things from the day that I want to hold onto. It’s easy and I am never overwhelmed by it and it’s impossible to write too much, because there isn’t room. The format forces me to zero in on the most important. I’ve been writing in it for weeks. I’m so excited! I keep a diary now! I think the last time I kept a diary I was a high schooler writing dark poetry and gross declarations of my love for various boys. Blech.
Anyway, I’ve always been far too wordy and it’s amazing what this diary is forcing me to do. Summarize. I think I’m really going to stick with this, I’ve already been writing in it for weeks, and it will be really great to have the record of these days. These are the best days of my life.
p.s. YARN giveaway tomorrow!!!
Taryn Kae Wilson @ Wooly Moss Roots says
Ginny,
That journal is such a great idea.. a few lines a day. I read a book called ‘Sarah’s Seasons’ where an Amish woman shared a few sentences or short paragraph from each day. So fun to look back on I’m sure.
I can relate to your childhood experiences very much. I have memories that still haunt me. But I like to forget those and remember my fun memories. My sister and I loved jelly shoes too. I had forgotten about them until you mentioned them. I think we have a lot more in common than we know.
These days are the best of my life too. 🙂 Happy journaling.
Love,
Taryn
CarrieMtn says
Ginny, I feel like I’m beginning to lose memories. I don’t know if it is age or just being too darn busy. Regardless, I wanted to remember things and i bought a blank book for journaling. It was so overwhelming. I felt like i had to write a complete essay each time, so I quit writing. Then, on my birthday in April, I saw this blue diary. I fell in love. I write every night. Something’s are deep, some are very shallow, but it is easy to do daily. I love the fact that i will be able to look back next year and see what was important to me the previous year. I’m glad that you have also found this jewel. Blessings to you!
Lauren says
I am traveling through Cambodia at the moment and there are jellies EVERYWHERE. But my westerners feet are just too big. I have to look away when I walk by.
Jennifer @ Little Blog in the Big Woods says
This is a very moving post. I’m sorry you had to experience this as a child, but I’m sure that it has helped you to become the wonderful parent you are. Thanks for sharing about the memory book! I think I’ll get one!!
Rach @ A Squiggly Blog says
Ginny, wow, our childhoods seem very, very similar. I blogged about mine a few years ago and it gave me such healing. All those little stories, stories of being locked outside while my mum was being abused, all of 8 years old I was. I too look at my children and am so thankful to God for the place of joy we are at. Makes me smile to think of the similarities of pursuing a wholesome life we share. I can so relate to your post. xxx Rach
Emmie says
I love the way you weave your story so that the bad is part of a whole, but it does not define you. I can definitely relate to that childhood story in both the happy and scary aspects. Thanks for sharing with us, you really do provide encouragement.
tara says
OMG Ginny I LOVED my jellies!!!! They were the BEST! I totally know what you mean, there is just something about them that gives me that feeling again. Also, they smelled amazing! (it’s not just me, right?)
Once I put gum on the back of my neck trying to be weird to cars passing by. I’m sure my parents thought I was a weirdo. And it was also a painful lesson 🙂
You were such a sweet and smart kid, recording your stepdad so you could report him!
That journal idea is amazing! I used to write in a journal all the time, until I found out that my dad was reading it and it’s been too painful for me to write in one since. Maybe I should start again….
Sarah Jane says
Wow, what a post! I’m not sure what jelly shoes are, but they sound kind if cute 🙂
I was surprised and of course sad to hear of your childhood…I guess surprised because you and Jonny have such a beautiful family. I love reading your blog posts, although I rarely comment 🙂
Have a gorgeous weekend!
Sarah xox
Rebecca S. says
beautiful. thankful. I pray it for ALL who have experienced true trauma in childhood, in life. That they would be able to heal as you have….it’s stories, but I’m ok. Praise our Father in heaven Who makes such healing possible. Who makes “breaking the cycle” possible. And you??? With that recorder??? Wow. such bravery. At Larkspur’s age. No wonder you are brave enough to write such an honest blog!!!
Thank you for the glimpses into your life that you and Jonny and God have created full of love. They give peace. And hope. Every day. At 3pm in my inbox! 🙂
Rach @ A Squiggly Blog says
Rebecca, this blesses me too your comment. Praise to God indeed that he enables that cycle to be broken! xx
Annie says
My brother and I always joke about how I only remember the good things, and not the bad. Because….
Who really wants to remember the bad things? Our parents divorced when I was eleven. And we were grateful. I think we turned out ok, and it’s obvious you did too.:) alcoholism is a terrible disease. Unless you
Have lived it….it’s hard to understand. Thanks for being real Ginny. So sorry for what you had to endure.
You and Johnny have a beautiful family. You touch lives. I look forward to your posts. God Bless You….
Ruthie says
Not too wordy at all. Just right. I am totally getting you here. The jellies!! I’m so glad you reminded me.The bad childhood memories but the good ones mixed in too. The way trauma makes all the bad stuff fuzzy. And the journal, I love it! I’m going to pin it now. God bless you, Ginny.
Sarah says
Ginny,
Thanks for sharing your story and the perspective that years can bring. We found out nearly a year ago that my husband’s “idyllic” childhood was not so idyllic for some of his siblings because of hidden abuse, which is all I can say here. Needless to say, the dark secrets that for years were hidden very carefully now haunt us, haunt our relationships between his family and our children, and haunt even the happiest of his childhood memories. It gives me such hope to read your thoughts years later, hope that someday this nightmare will lose the edge of pain and trouble and he may be able to reclaim some of the happiness he used to associate with his youth.
I recently started keeping a journal specifically related to my children. I have a terrible memory and found myself trying to remember things like “when did Lyddie get her first tooth?” Or “how did we get that baby to sleep longer at night..” etc. So I started a journal where I just jot a little paragraph about each kid every few weeks- or longer lately. I like the idea of one sentence a night though, Maybe I will switch to that format with just occasional longer entries! Thanks for the idea!
Gracey says
Jelly shoes were the best!!!! I didn’t do the bracelets, but I had a collection of Swatch watches….
and there are more of us out there than many people realize….although my parents divorced when I was ten, he was always in our lives…and there was abuse when he was drinking (never to us) and not to my mom after the divorce….and to this day, he is in and out of our lives….but growing up the daughter of an alcoholic/addict has had lasting effects…I will say the positive out of it, is that I am a school teacher in an urban area and I have lots of empathy for those children whose lives are mini-hells at home..or have been scared from previous mini-hells…
and lucky for us, my mom married a wonderful man, who was my stepdad 18 years until he passed away from illness (yesterday was the 17 year anniversary of his death)
Penny says
I love the journal idea – my grandma did that and I have all of her journals. It’s interesting to try to read between the few lines each day. I’m so very glad you blog too, because really, the encouragement you offer and inspiration you share are just amazing. Sometimes, like today, jaw droppingly so.
I hope you keep writing a lot of words. They are all breathtaking. You are a truly wonderful writer. And you were a very brave little girl.
MamaK says
I was in our local hardware store this morning when a young girl rushed in sobbing, asking for her mom who was stocking shelves. She ran to her mom and hysterically (and apologetically) got out her story, which was impossible not to hear – “he hit me, threw my stuff out and said he’d call the cops if I took the baby.” It was awkward for the store, but it was heartbreaking. My girls (young women, really) were in the car waiting for me and as I drove away I said a prayer in thanksgiving that their lives had been free of such drama and tragedy and I prayed that their lives would always be so. I can’t even imagine the burden of your memories. May your found peace in Christ and your lovely family continue to create future joyful memories.
Gretchen R says
You are so brave, in such a beautiful way. Thank you for sharing your heart. While I didn’t grow up with abuse quite like that, I grew up with an alcoholic father that my mom left when I was almost 5. It very well could have been like that. Still, there are so many hurts that I remember from him, although none of them physical. Still they run so deep. I remember about 2 years ago, trying to explain to my now 9 year old, what an alcoholic was. She couldn’t wrap her mind around why someone would keep drinking something like that. She just didn’t get it.
I was praying for clarity for her. She wondered why her grandpa never visits. (His choice, not mine.) She wonders what he’s like. She just didn’t understand it at all. While in prayer, the thought came to me, “I never had to ask what an alcoholic was when I was 7.” By then I had experienced it. It was part of my identity, the knowledge was so deep. Right then and there I thanked God that my daughter had to ASK what an alcoholic was. I thanked him that she even had trouble understanding it. I’m beyond thankful that my husband is her daddy. I wonder a lot what that would have been like to have a dad like him. You know?
I love the sounds of that journal. I’ll have to look into it, because I’m the same way!
My favorite jellies were my bright pink ones.
Fräulein Rucksack says
Oh my, I have no words for that story. But your words sound strong and clear. I don’t have many memories neither but I have some and why should I want more? Embrace those beautiful ones.
That pictures of the two brothers on the swing is so so beautiful.
Andee says
God bless you Ginny. Yes memories of jelly shoes are the best. I also like the flash bulbs that went on my camera. Did you have one of those? They were so cool. My middle school teacher made us write in our journals everyday. Many kids in the class would complain that they didn’t have anything to write about. Her response was “Everyday something significant happens to all of us even if we don’t know it at the time. So yes you do have something to write about. You just have to stop and reflect.” My senior quote I put in my yearbook was “To always have something to write in my journal for Mrs. Banik.” Hold onto the good stuff.
Kristin says
Ginny,
I don’t think I have ever commented here. I think I just sit back and read. Quietly.
This made me so sad.
I had a childhood like that of which you mentioned.
My mom had a crazy husband like that. And a string of boyfriends that followed and what I remember from that time is this…
Me, standing in a t-shirt and underwear in the middle of a dark and freezing night…waiting for the police to come because I was finally brave enough to sneak into the kitchen and call. Seconds later the “man” caught me and ripped the phone out of the wall and threatened me with my life. Nice…
Me, feeling gripped with fear when the “tone” of the house turned. I’m sure you know the tone of which I speak. Knowing that sometime during the evening, or worse yet, in the middle of the night…something would blow. Nothing like going to bed, relieved that a knock down drag out had not happened, only to be woke sometime after midnight and it was going on full force.
Or this, the feeling of relief I felt when I left for my dad’s for the summer and feeling free of the worry and responsibility that comes with being the “caretaker” of the home. Only to quickly be filled with guilt for feeling so relieved to not be the caretaker and wondering if my mom would still be alive when I got back home.
And finally…saddened when I see my children and think of how little my mom did to keep us from “all of that.”
Anyways. Today. I feel the same way as you. And honestly it feels like another lifetime. Who can really even believe such craziness when you say it aloud. I have not spoken of it for years and years.
However the gift of that learning environment gave me the gift of this one.
A beautiful life of pouring my heart and soul out to these children, this husband, this home, this God…
In the end. It’s all good.
I was a little too old (cool) for the jellie craze of shoes. But, my little sister…she had a pair of pink sparkly ones that she practically slept in. And boy did they get smelly!
Thank you for sharing your heart today. Sometimes looking back is sad. But, focusing on the pretty is the best!
xo
Sara McD says
blue jelly shoes, 25¢ plastic bottles of colored sugar water with foil lids, a pink bicycle with a banana seat, diaries full of baloney, a few good, loyal friends – and all the bad stuff I’ve mostly forgotten. 🙂
paula says
I’m a little older so it wasnt jelly shoes…prob more like Dr.Scholls or Candies like Olivia Newton John wore in Grease 😉
Its funny what different things bring up memories long hidden I’m happy your memories of jellies bring you joy and that Amy’s home was a haven for you.
Its sad that any of us hold dark or sad memories like that from our childhoods but I believe they help form who we strive to be as parents, grandparents and caregivers. If we can change the course for our little ones then a great deal has been accomplished. love to you and healing hugs.
Conny says
God bless you, Ginny.
Krista says
My childhood sounds similar to yours. I LOVED jelly shoes and for whatever reason have extremely fond memories of my love for them. Looking back, man were they uncomfortable during the summer time. My father struggled with alcoholism when I was a child and my parents fought horribly in front of any bystander. This caused me to spend as much time as possible down the street at my best friend’s house. This post brought back many memories and made me cry. I sure do miss that friend immensely, her mother still lives down the street from my mother, but she’s made it obvious she doesn’t value the friendship as I did (she’s an artist doing well for herself, living in NYC- guess she’s too good for me now).
I guess it’s a coping mechanism to allow the good to override the bad memories more often.
eve says
The one line a day is such a good idea, Ginny! I think I will start something like that too 🙂
Cassidy says
Wow. This post rung startlingly familiar for me. I vowed to never let my kids grow up the same way I did. Thanks for the line-a-day diary idea! I have been jotting down cute things my kids say lately in a small journal. I’m going to look for a line-a-day diary now.
Mary says
Oh jellies! Yes! And the rock issue. Oh, those darn rocks! I’m so glad you had Amy during those painful years. You are an inspiration, Ginny.
CathyC says
How’s this, I remember lots from my childhood (not all great) but hardly remember my teen years. But that’s OK. That’s perfect that you can’t imagine Larkspur in your childhood–it means you are doing a far superior job giving her a wonderful childhood.
Anyway, who didn’t have jelly shoes??? I LOVEd mine!! My sister & I had several pairs and were always devastated each time one shoe fell apart. Plastic shoes weren’t meant to last, but they were great while they did!
Have a great day!!!!
Grace says
Geez, typos! I even thought I was careful to type “while” instead of “whole”. Anyway, that should be “I did something similar to this for a while….” Also, I want to add that Material Girl is also pretty relevant to life, stating the truth that we are living in a material world….
Grace says
I was doing something solar to this for a whole, but fell out of the habit. I’ve been thinking recently that it would be nice to pick it up again.
My favorite jellies were also the clear ones with the sparkles! I meant to tell you that before. They were obviously the best. Lol. Of the songs you listed above, my favorite during that time was obviously Footloose, with the absolute ease of choreography built right in to the song lyrics. However, now it’s Beat It, which is obviously much more relevant to life. 😉
Elizabeth says
You write so well; I remember the jelly shoes (I had hand-me-downs) and the bracelets! I had been given a whole bunch of them and then forgot them on the bus; but I was always friends with bus drivers and she saved them for me and then when she was not looking, some one stole them. Funny to think of it, but I was always friends with bus drivers since late grade school; I would stand leaning on the fake back seat that was between the driver and myself and talk and listen… one of them esp. took me quite seriously and we had a real friendship. I had forgotten about that.
I am so sorry for the hard things of your childhood; you could write a book for sure; thank God that you are not repeating this cycle. That is a miracle of God’s I think; I think of my Grandfather who was a very strong man despite his poor health and that he was rough housed a bit by his father but yet my Grandfather loved God so much and never was rough was his kids. So things can really be changed and grace really can miraculously flow out, spilling into better and more beautiful things for the kids and the kids kids…
I have a 1 page/day book that I don’t fill all the page full every night but likewise put down somethings of the day and things that I am esp. thankful for. It’s been a great blessing as I am in the first year of marriage and find that it helps me sort out things before sleep.
I appreciate so much how you share and bring beauty to our lives through your blog. May all of the blessings of God be bursting in your busy kid-full beauty-making life!
Liz says
Thank you for being so candid. My story took a different twist & unfortunately I remember most of it. After my Mom passed away we saw very little of my Dad because he was dealing with his own grief & self medicating, at the bar, after work. I too look at my daughter who is the age I was when my mother was in the middle of her battle with cancer. These are the events that make us grow, learn & hug our babies just a little tighter. Happy Friday to you!!
Diane says
Ginny I just loved reminiscing through your story. It’s amazing how much people can have in common simply by being raised in the same era. The music and the shoes and the fondness for it all. Thanks for the fun trip down memory lane 🙂
Meryl says
I was surprised a few years ago to find out that my uncle has done that since his kids were born (now they have kids of their own, so it’s quite a record). What a gift.
Ruth says
Wow! You are such an inspiration, Ginny. My childhood memories; I have to keep them far far away, but you give me hope. Love and prayers, my friend.
Willemijn Maljaars says
Hi Ginny,
I am so sorry you had so much pain to deal with when you were a child. You are amazing to verbalize it all!
I love your blog! I think you are amazing!
Willemijn (a Dutch Canadian girl)
Kristin Foss says
I had jelly shoes! Just one pair though, we were kind of poor I guess 🙂 I used to feel like Cinderella in those shoes!
Nadja says
You sound so like me…I have almost no memories of the time my parents were married (they split up when I was 5) and very few even after that until my early teens. I guess there was so much anxiety connected with them that I subconsciously dumped them. I love the idea of the Line A Day so much that I have put one of those journals on my wishlist, so that I can tell my sister what I want for my next birthday! Thanks for the heads up!
Rachel Wolf says
Oh, Ginny. Love.
Wanda says
We share a similar story Ginny. When I started keeping my gratitude list with Ann, I found it also became the journal you are speaking of.
michele says
Thanks for sharing your story, Ginny! One of my best friends in college suffered abuse in her family and I know from her how isolating going through that can be. She would be grateful to know that someone was willing to share a piece of that painful history….especially seeing what a good wife and mother you’ve grown into! What a blessing you are to your family, friends, and readers, Ginny!
Hullabaloo Homestead says
Yes! Ive seen that little book! And its been on my list of things to get/start/do too. I think it is perfect and fits right into my “5 minutes out of my day” realistic intention ability! Have a wonderful weekend!!!
:)Lisa
Erin @ Wild Whispers says
I need one of those. ASAP. Thanks for sharing it with us!
PS… you aren’t alone in the memory dept. I often feel envious of the good and rich memories my husband shares with his family. My memories are darker. More hidden. Less happy, often. But they are mine, and that is important. Blessings… Erin
Amanda says
Forstarters, Praise the Lord that your bad stories are just stories now and that your good stories are your days now.
Secondly, how precious are jelly shoes. My main memory about them, aside from the rocks part which you mentioned was tat each new summer I had to deal with the onslauight of blisters to break in a new pair. It was masochistic. My mom said, “You’re going to be miserable,” and I was but nothing was going to hold me back.
I never knew that I had a “jelly story” until just last year. My dearest cousin is 6 months older than me. My mom married my step dad when I was 4 years old and I was in the wedding. I had chicken pox and had to wear a peach dress and slather myself in pink calamine – I was a mess. Only last year, my dear cousin and I were talking about jellies. She said that she never wore them after the time she had to borrow mine at my mom’s wedding because she had no shoes packed for the occasion and my shoes had given her the chicken pox! I never knew! 26 years later, and jellies are still the tie that binds! 🙂
Olivia says
Thank you for sharing some of your memories. I never had jellies but I had friends like Amy too.
I like the idea of such a simple book to hold some important memories. We do baby books but I am always forgetting to fill them in because they are too cumbersome to leave out. But all in one book?! Glorious. What a good idea for a gift.
Michelle says
So good to hear that you came away from your past to become as wonderful as you are!
Jacq says
Funny things, memories.
I have ones similar to yours and realise I was not much older than my 13 year old son when I chose to live somewhere else instead (and I choose only to notice that fact, not dwell on it)
I think even if we forget the funny things about our children, it still becomes part of who they are and so will live on forever inside them, and inside their children……
XX Jacq
Sarah says
My husband has been doing this for almost 5 years now. Just one line a day. It’s astounding to us how much of our life can be detected in those simple lines. I highly recommend doing it!
Genevieve says
One line a day looks great, thank you for sharing. On another note I thank my lucky stars that my daughter has been able to grow up in a stable loving home. I have done and will do everything to protect her from the childhood I had growing up with my mother and her boyfriends.
Trace says
This is genius! And exactly what I need, too! I’ve tried so many differs formats — writing on a calendar, a regular journal, a small journal for each child . . . none of them have stuck. I am so excited to try this one. Thanks for sharing!
I can also relate to your feelings about childhood — I try really hard to make my children’s lives pretty much the opposite from mine as a child. I’ve always felt my lack of memories has been a way for my mind and soul to protect me. A way to not overwhelm our little spirits and to leave room for precious memories of jelly shoes.
Teresa C says
Dear Ginny, I really don’t know what to say, except that fortunately you found the good amongst the bad. That’s inspirational, as the things you show here. Thank you
I’ll check that journal, I think that’s probably what I need in my life right now.