The past few days have been really hard for me. I didn’t recognize why until my sister mentioned the upcoming anniversary of her mom’s death on Facebook. This happened to me last year too. As the anniversary of Jane’s death approached I started becoming a bit unhinged, not recognizing why because I am terrible with dates.
It’s kind of awkward to mention these things. A friend demonstrated this well in a recent email in which she wrote to me,
“I’m sorry to hear about this tough anniversary. I hope there’s some sunshine today to add at least a small bright spot. [Insert ‘perfect words’ here.]”
It’s nearly impossible to find the “perfect words” isn’t it? Sometimes I find myself wanting to duck out and say nothing at all rather than risk saying something imperfect. But really, I think we all want to know what’s going on in the lives of people we love, even if it’s the hard stuff. We all want people to know that we care, and even if all you can say is [Insert “perfect words” here], well sometimes that’s perfect.
So the official anniversary of my stepmom’s death was Monday. I worked myself into an anxious mess on Sunday and ended up climbing out of bed around 2 a.m. and cross stitching the letter “O” on the piece I am working on. After the “O” and a mug of Sleepytime tea…okay and two pieces of toast with several tablespoons of butter, I took a shower and was able to finally go to sleep. Monday morning I was tired, but feeling more normal again. We ate breakfast, I worked with Gabe on his schoolwork, I nursed Silas, visited our bees, and did other normal things. I called my sister and we talked about the feelings that surround this traumatic anniversary.
But yes, there was abundant sunshine and all is well. Silas discovered that the branches of Jonny’s Japanese maple make a perfect little place for him to hide and play. Seth didn’t go bananas over his English lesson. Yarn for a new project for a friend arrived. I made dinner in a house filled with only the sounds of the Avett Brothers singing while Jonny had all the kids at soccer practice. I headed out in the evening to help teach knitting at the shelter. My dad called while I was out, concerned over the photo of me with the bees and no protective clothing. He offered to buy me a veil for Mother’s Day. Actually he offered to buy me a full body suit hee hee. I feel loved.
I made it over the hump. I am okay. No need for “perfect words.” Love and loss. Let’s focus on the love. We could also talk about the shawl.
(photo by Jonny)
He took this one right after saying to me, “I think the way you’re wearing it is maybe a little bit gimpy.” I don’t know. I just copy the photos of people I see on Ravelry. I have very little fashion sense.
pattern: Oaklet shawl (free!)
yarn: Springtree Road Julep sock
Ravelry notes here
Apseed says
Love the shawl! All photos, knitting, writing style …. they are so perfectly balanced, everything seems to be in peace and harmony.
Debby says
I wanted to say something…moved away because I couldn’t find the words and then returned…thanks for writing this post Ginny because I think I’ll remember it every time I want to say or write something and chicken out because I don’t have the right words to do so…now I know that I don’t need them…just to say that I wanted to…
…it was so good to see your hearty laugh in the last photo…have a lovely day with your beautiful family…
Debx
Selina says
The gimpy comment made me giggle! Thank you so much for your honest and beautiful writing. Wishing you plenty more sunshine.
Jenn says
beautiful shawl, love the likeness to a Japanese maple. sorry for your loss, anniversaries like that are so tough. {{{{Hugs}}}}
Kristy says
What a lovely post…many thanks for sharing your grief process and coming through with such a joyful smile and so much wisdom. Love your blog, your insight, family, garden and all your knitting, of course! Keep sharing.
Jennifer says
You’re life is beautiful. You remind me of Miss Rumphius scattering lupine seeds to inspire all who read your posts. Thank you.
Kristy says
Agreed! I love that story!
Nicole Spring says
I am horrible with words, and things generally don’t come across the way I mean for them to so I shall ditto the [insert perfect words here] to you. I am so sorry for all that you have been through. Tomorrow night we shall pray for you – the girls just got their first rosaries!! 🙂 Sending you lots of love
nancy says
I love your blog and this may seem a little “out there” but I love you too. Our Heavenly Father knits our hearts together in such a way that we can pray for each other and become family. You just rock that shawl girlie!
Kim says
Hugs.
The shawl is beautiful.
Kara @SimpleKids.net says
[insert perfect words here] is perfect. I often find my fingers hovering over the keyboard, uncertain of what to say to another blogger, to a friend, in an email, writing a letter. But, simpler is best perhaps, and even saying I don’t know what to say, but I want to say something that shows you I’m thinking of you and feeling for you helps.
Thank you for sharing this.
And for your lovely shawl 🙂
Evelyn says
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us in blogland … every anniversary is hard and should always be marked by how much we miss those who have passed. Thanks also for all the lovely photos — the shawl is just perfect especially in that beautiful color!
Jessica says
XOXO
Caroline says
Hugs & love to you at this sad time – they say time heals all wounds but I say that the passing time allows you to accept in ones own way what seems completely unacceptable.
I had to smile when I saw your shawl as I just finished knitting that pattern myself this afternoon – I did mine in Noro – Silk Garden Lite – color 2038.
Caroline
Taryn Kae Wilson @ Wooly Moss Roots says
Big hugs and lots of love!
P.S. The shawl looks beautiful.
Kate @ Lady Bird says
I am not sure there are ever perfect words. In going about my morning with my girls, I was thinking about your post. Perhaps since words can fall short, just the assurance that grace is perfect is enough for hard times. Thanks for your words and giving me something to ponder this morning.
I think your shawl is lovely. After I complete my big knitting project for a mama to be, I would like to make one!
erin says
Loss is hard. Sounds like you were able to work through the day, sometimes its good to just talk about the imperfect, because well life is not perfect. The shawl is beautiful, I love the color!!
~ joey ~ says
What a lovely written post, you do have the perfect words! I’m better at offering hugs than cleverly put together words so I’m sending you some today! xoxo I’m glad that you feel better today and I must also add that I love your shawl. If I had one then we’d be twins, both wearing it gimpy together as I think it look fabulous like that. I often feel that I have no fashion sense but hubby isn’t right all the time either! Maybe my daughter will be able to sort me out in a few years?! ;o)
xoxo
~ joey ~
Eileen says
i so know how you feel, every year around the death of my son i get anxious and am always bewildered until i look at the calendar. funny how our subconscious/mind know the time of year. i will say it is easier now, more a sweat memory than sad once i acknowledge him and what a beautiful child he was, is, now that he is in heaven.
EG says
Total aside because I don’t have the perfect words: We saw the Avett Brothers in concert at Virginia Tech this year – it was really fun!
What are your favorite albums? I want to expand my collection with some of their older, less mainstream stuff.
meredith says
this is such an honest, touching post, ginny. i’m sorry that you’re dealing with this rough anniversary. i think that you’re right that there are no perfect words for someone dealing with grief or sadness or illness or any of the things that we have trouble discussing in our culture … but we can always offer honesty and compassion and love. i’m sending you love today and wishing you peace.
the shawl, of course, is lovely!
heathermama says
((hug)) i think there are no perfect words, just being present and letting some one know you care.
i love the shawl BTW!
Amy says
Just what I needed to read today. I’m really feeling the loss of my dad this week – the first anniversary of our loss was a few weeks ago but as you know, those feelings come and go on their own time. Thinking of you today, Ginny.
Nahuatl Vargas says
Love the shawl and send you love.
Ellen says
You’re right, words sometimes just don’t cut it – can’t express ourselves rightly with words. Glad you’re pointing out the day-to-day as this memory passes. I remember how a friend coped with her own mother dying – her elderly mother’s sickness was long & drawn out and then the moment she died, my friend heard her own grandchildren playing outside as usual on a the bright sunny day. Life continues on.
You look great in that gorgeous-colored shawl. Knitting is a great comfort.
melanie jennifer says
Thinking of you and sending you love. I think the shawl and the photos are perfect. 🙂
PKJ says
Loss and love….we’ve all got them. That’s what makes us human. Be good to yourself and rest in the pain, then let the love carry you.
Lovely shawl by the way.
swanski says
loss is never easy and it’s a fact of life. I always miss my mother and I always will. Lovely shawl and the modeling is perfection 🙂
Marie/Underground Crafter says
Those anniversaries can be very tough. I’m sorry for your loss.
The shawl is lovely and I don’t have any fashion sense either :). But to me, it looks great in all the pictures.
Donna says
I’m sorry for your loss. I pray you find peace and comfort.
Your shawl is beautiful! I always think they look kinda funny around my neck also, but you look great with it like that!
Renee Anne says
I get a little funny at certain times of the year. This year was the first time I didn’t actively remember the date my mother passed and when I discovered that it was that date, I cried for probably a good hour. I felt like I was dishonoring her by not remembering. Husband says it just means it’s getting easier to deal with.
As for the shawl, I have no idea how to wear them either…or cowls (of course, I don’t “get” cowls in the first place). That’s probably why I don’t make them.
Jennifer says
I’m a long-time reader but rarely comment. I go through the same thing every August on the anniversary of my mother’s death. Even though I’m a day late, I will be praying for you and your family today. And really, that’s the most anyone can do.
By the way, I love your modeling posts! You’ve inspired me to knit this shawl next.
sarah says
i’ve heard it said a few times now to remember that as you attend mass, as you walk up to communion, you are in the presence of all those you’ve “lost” – who have simply gone on before us and the saints and angels themselves. mass is when we are in communion with heaven, veiled by our humanity so we can’t physcially see it, but there none the less.
Sarah says
I am sorry for your loss, Ginny. I will be praying for you today and your mother in law. May you be united in one day in heaven where there will be no more tears.
Earth Mama 101 says
Love and Light Mama! You are so loved!
:)Lisa
kate says
Your shawl is beautiful (and you do not look gimpy)! Every August I have the same problem – that agitation and unsettled feeling of a terribly sad anniversary. I think you handled this with grace.
molly says
Thinking of you, Ginny, and your wise, wise ways.
(Also, I can’t imagine a better soundtrack to dinner than the Avett brothers.)
xo,
M
eidolons says
This past March I woke up one morning thinking about the night my mother died. Just like that. Immediately upon waking. It finally dawned on me that it was the anniversary of her death. I was twelve when she died. I’m thirty-one now. There’s still an ache, an emptiness. It will always be that way, I suppose. But I talk about her with my boys and honor her with my crafting. I can only hope she would have been proud of the woman I’ve grown into.
Biggest of hugs to you, Ginny.
Emily says
I have Oaklet shawl on my needles right now! I’m nearly to the point to begin the border. I just hope mine turns out as lovely as yours did.
amy says
The body and soul remember the shock and pain of loss even if the mind wants to protect us so much it “forgets”. Take gentle care of yourself. Like other comments above me, I too have a major loss “anniversary” coming soon and no matter how much I “plan” for how it won’t take me so far from my daily life this year, it has a power all its own. Best to let it wake me in the night for some tea, toast, cross-stitch and a shower. Or at least some time alone. You are loved by your family and your readers too. And the shawl is beautiful. That pink suits you and your girls so well.
Erin @ Wild Whispers says
I send you love and light my friend. Your shawl is beautiful… As are you.
Tracey says
Big hugs Ginny. Loss is never easy no matter how much time passes. The anniversary of my own loss is next month and I get queasy just thinking of it; it’s the pits. Focus on the love? I like that and will hold that saying close to my heart these next few weeks.
Love seeing you model the shawl, you really are beautiful.
sue says
Memories are always the best way to remember people whom we loved and still love even though physically we cannot embrace them. I honestly know how you feel and years on we still grieve for certain family members who left us when they were so young. I do hope that in time the memories will help with the grieving. I think it is great that you can go near the beehive without a suit on. I remember being young and my sister and I watching from the safety of the shed whilst my dad smoked the bees to gather the honey. I am very allergic to bees but they do fascinate me with their magic of making honey. I think the shawl is beautiful and you wear it well.
steph says
Closing the circle of life….while always sad, hopefully there are the happy memories to share every year, too.
Your shawl is lovely–as are your models!!! I keep making shawls—and keep wondering exactly how to wear them, also. I think you pulled it off quite well.
Mae says
So sorry for your loss. In the last 2 weeks I lost my dear brother-in-law and my beloved dog. Looks like we will share this anniversary next year. And yet I try to remember, Life is Good.
Cathy says
I love the shawl~ Yesterday would have been my mother’s 85th birthday. She passed in 2010. I’ll forever miss her~ ♥♥♥ It does help to share your loss! God bless you~!
Jacq says
We need the rain to have the rainbows xo
and…..
LOL Gimpy?? I have no idea what that means! But it sure made me laugh! I love your shawl (all your knitting!) and so wish I could wear one, it would be completely away from my normal style though and I suspect I would look ‘gimpy!’
(huggie for you)
Jacq
Heather says
hugs to you, my friend.
Hannah says
So sorry for the loss. You are right, there are never perfect words.
That shawl is PERFECT! I especially love it on your rosy cheeked youngest. So precious.
Nadja says
Oh I love your posts, Ginny. You are so you, and so genuine, and how can we who read it help but feel that we know you when you are so open to revealing yourself?
The shawl, the girls, the photos are wonderful. And your laughter in the last shot? Priceless…
Have a beautiful day.
Helen says
much love to you…. have my own anniversary with it’s accompanying emotions this week…. I am there with you!