I’ve been working on a few small special requests for the girls. First I made a pair of shorts for Beatrix. I don’t know where she was when I was sewing them, but Larkspur appeared by my desk the second I started working.
“It seems like everything you sew is for Beatrix.”
I replied, “Let’s see, I just made you a Nurse Nancy set, an Emily dress, and a pinafore.” (all Beatrix got was an Emily dress and pinafore.)
Larkspur makes no reply.
A few days later I sat down to sew Larkspur a requested pair of ruffle pants. I don’t know where she was when I was sewing them, but Beatrix appeared by my desk the second I started working.
“What are you making mommy?”
“I’m making pants for Larkspur.”
“Well, I don’t have many pants.”
“Beatrix, you have so many pants that your drawer is never empty.”
“Well….” Her voice trails off.
They wanted pocket necklaces too, so I knit them both one in the requested colors and they’ve been wearing them for days.
As I started looking through these photos this evening, I noticed that everything about Larkspur in these photos is so very Larkspur. Last week we were at the thrift store and she wanted a basket. I suggested that she grab one of the natural looking ones, but she insisted on the white one with flowers and a bow. And those pants she’s wearing, I have never loved that fabric, but she does, and seeing it on her, I see that she’s right. The color and the pattern suit her perfectly. She’s growing up so much it seems these days and sometimes I love it, but sometimes I really don’t. I have been thinking about the fact that when my kids were babies (well, Beatrix and Silas are still babies, Beatrix just barely) it was much easier to always feel totally connected to them. But then they start to get older and their specific personalities grow stronger, and sometimes, those personalities are a bit difficult (I am not talking about differences of opinions regarding fabric choices of course.) Sometimes it isn’t easy to stay connected.
In my mind, I think “Today, you are really driving me crazy and it seems that all we are doing is butting heads, but surely I can find a way through that, find something that we can share.” With Larkspur, I am learning that we both have a strong love for flowers and gardens. It has only been recently that this shared love has become so evident. Today she helped me set out tomatoes. I would have liked to do it myself, worrying about the fragile little root systems, but she wanted to plant right next to me. Sharing with her was far more important than my worries about the plants. I showed her how to carefully remove the little plants from their pots, how to set them in the ground, and I let go of any worry. Side by side we worked: I would plant mine, and she would plant hers and then we would shift down the row. I watched her carefully mimic me. She told me several times, almost as if she were surprised at herself, “I really like working in the garden. I even like to pull weeds.” I just smiled, thinking, “Me too.” Cleaning her bedroom overwhelms her, but she weeded out a couple of our garden beds today. She’s finding her way, and I’m finding mine right next to her.
p.s. Larkspur’s pants were made with my favorite easy pants pattern from Carefree Clothes for Girls (I added the ruffle) in Amy Butler Cypress Paisley. I made Beatrix’s shorts from the same pattern, but made them shorter. The fabric was a gift, and I have no idea what it is! You can find the pattern for the knitted pockets here.