The truth is

So, we had our first frost Saturday night.  In anticipation, I asked Jonny to bring in a bunch of zinnias, and then to cover the plants in plastic, hoping for another week or two of flowers.  I cut all the lettuce and a ton of basil.  And the truth is that now I don’t have the energy to deal with it all and it will probably wither on my counter.
And if I am going to use phrases such as “the truth is,”  the truth is that I am sort of wiped out, overwhelmed, and maybe beginning to lose my grip.
Today I took a brief walk with a few of my kids to collect pretty fall colored leaves.  Last year we did this.  This year friends keep asking when we’re going to do it again.  They want to join me.  I can’t seem to make anything happen though.  I’ll probably just keep the little pot of beeswax going all week so my kids can dip leaves as they please, and then maybe I’ll make something with them all.  But maybe they’ll just end up all over the house.
I had lunch with a friend on Friday which was really nice.  She mentioned how creative I am.  Really?
Maybe I’m not creative anymore.  I look around my house and am just overwhelmed with keeping up with it, and then there are the children who need to be taught, and the one who is learning at a snail’s pace no matter how hard I try.  The one that I want to protect from everything, especially other children who ask him what grade he’s in, prompting me to l.i.e. in an attempt to help him save face.  Oh dear.  This parenting thing is so hard and I’m not making any sense.  Well, sure I am.  I am writing like a woman who has a five month old baby who used to sleep through the night, but now wakes like a newborn.
Jonny tells me to read my own blog, a reminder of what’s important.  I say I don’t want to.  I want to vacuum and watch all the bits of dirt get sucked into that little bag, off my floor and out of my mind.  And then I want to sit down and create row after row of neat orderly stitches with my knitting needles.
Messy crafts?  Not in the mood.  Although, I do have one planned for Larkspur tomorrow.  She’s getting desperate.
Jonny’s making cookies right now.  Secret cookies that we won’t tell the kids about.
I’m going to knit, eat cookies, pray a rosary for Matt with Jonny and then go to bed.  Of course then I am going to get up one hour later to pick up my darling baby who will want to nurse.  Could someone please remind me that starting him on some table food won’t make him sleep through the night?  (Or will it?  I can’t remember.) I’m tempted.  But to tell you the might get on your nerves truth, I am always happy to see Silas, even at 1 a.m. when I have only just managed to fall asleep.  But sleep.  I think some of that would do me good.

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