A List

(money plant-I adore money plant)
(photo by Jonny)
(“Look Mommy!  I’m you!!!“)
(photo by Jonny)
Life is rushing by right now and I want to write a list;  a list of everything on my mind, whether it goes together, makes sense, or not-sort of like these photos that don’t necessarily have anything to do with anything.  They are just favorites from this week.  After I write my list, I am going to shift my focus to just being present in the next couple of weeks–trying very hard to enjoy each and every moment with my children.  Enough preparing–enough “getting ready”  I just want to BE with my family and not think too much about what comes next.  So that is what I hope to be sharing here next week.
In the meantime, I am going to get this list of things, thoughts, and feelings off my shoulders:
-I have been busily tying up loose ends and getting everything squared away in anticipation of having a baby very soon.  I am sort of driving myself insane with details and I keep thinking of one more thing that needs to be done.  Who wants to come paint my kitchen with me?
-My birth supplies are all gathered, my birth assistant came for her visit this week to make sure of that, and now I am just praying for the courage to do this birth thing again.  Courage or not, it’s going to happen.  We still haven’t decided whether or not we are going to use the birthing pool I borrowed from a friend.
-I am almost finished planning out next year’s homeschooling for the boys which I plan to begin with Seth and Keats in early July, and with Gabe, next week.  I am making some changes, and adding in Susan Wise Bauer’s materials for language and writing and I am starting a new spelling program as well.  I still need a good typing program for Seth, any tips?
-I am moving all of Gabe’s school things into my bedroom so that we can do school together there in the weeks after the baby is born. He has a little desk that he can sit in next to my bed. I am actually really looking forward to that.
-I just wrapped up our current year, and CAT tested my three boys.  It’s such a good feeling to have that done.
-I haven’t made any formal plans for Larkspur-thinking about a very child led unschooling/kindergarten year for her.  I am pretty laid back in these early years.  I am thinking she is ready to start reading a bit, and it is neat to see it happening in a very natural fashion.  She is more interested in letters, writing, and putting it all together than the boys were at her age.
-Today is May 5, two days until the first anniversary of my stepmom’s death in a car accident last year.  I am still overwhelmed by grief when I think of her.  It took us more than twenty years to sort out our relationship.  I mostly resented her growing up.  Then she became my close friend as we realized that we actually liked each other, loved each other.  Then she was gone.  I am having a hard time this week.
-My baby is due on May 21st.  My dad is getting remarried on May 21st.
-I am a little mixed up, not sure right now how I feel about it all.  There is so much to process. This year went by so quickly.  People die, and life just keeps rushing on.  Everyone has to find their own way around, figure out how to move on.  I just want things to be the same, and of course they never are.
-So, wow-this is quite a list;  I am all over the place.
-I’ll tell you one more thing, something that made me cry in the car yesterday.  I was talking to the fellow I’ve been talking gardening with at the farm store for years, about my onions.  All my onion tops look so good, but the onions just aren’t bulbing.  He gave me a lesson in how to plant them if you want nice fat bulbs versus big green tops.  Basically, if you want your onions to bulb, you plant the little bulbs on top of the soil, if you want nice tops, you bury them.  I’ve had this lesson before. I’ve been growing onions for years.
I evidently got mixed up.  So-I planted last fall’s onions, all 200 feet of them, the wrong way, and they are not going to bulb.  I also planted lots of spring onions the wrong way too.  It’s actually pretty funny, having onions make me cry and it having nothing to do with chopping them.  At least I was able to save my tears until I got in the car.  I would have really hated to burst into tears in front of that man.
-Okay, stay tuned for a great giveaway this weekend–just a heads up to all you cloth diapering mamas!!!

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