Thanks for all the encouraging comments on my last post. I dragged through today, but am feeling better tonight. I realize from some of the comments that I haven’t been very specific about Beatrix’s issues. Just so everyone knows, I don’t follow any particular “method” with my babies. For example, I am not a hardcore AP (I use that term loosely) parent, nor cosleeper, although some aspects of my parenting are very AP and I am currently co-sleeping (although I am hoping not for much longer-I just don’t sleep well with a baby next to me). I am a strong believer in the fact that each of my children is an individual with individual needs and I try my best to meet those needs. I am not into labels and methods. So whereas Seth could cry for two hours straight if I tried to “teach” him to go to sleep on his own (so I gave up on that quickly-it just wasn’t right for him), both Keats and Larkspur were always laid down awake for their naps and would fall to sleep on their own. They were both also sleeping in their own beds by two weeks old and through the night by six weeks. This wasn’t because of anything I did, I just followed their cues, met their needs, and that is how things worked out. Now that Seth is older I understand where is issues as a baby came from. We were young and inexperienced when he was born, but I knew from very early on that he was “different.” So when I compare Beatrix to Seth, I guess I am not being very accurate, although her personality and needs remind me of him. Beatrix has a bad case of “colic” (polite term for bad gas) on top of reflux. While the colic is improving her reflux is not(and I am sure that certain foods I eat make it worse, but I am in no position to be trying elimination diets right now-too many people to feed). So while I refer to her temperament being difficult, the truth is her issue is probably related to a combination of factors including the colic and reflux. She is also a very sensitive baby. Due to the reflux, she often wakes from a nap only a few minutes after being laid down in a pool of vomit. Once that is cleaned up, she is up and then not ready to go back down for awhile. We end up with a cycle of cat naps and a fussy overtired baby on top of the fussiness that stems from the reflux. She is on zantac, but that doesn’t stop the spitting up. I have no idea how she is so fat because she spits up all day long. She should outgrow this and improve with time, I hope. The other thing we have been dealing with for about six weeks now is her respiratory issue. She is still coughing and wheezing. Who knows when that will pass. The coughing wakes her up at night. She will cough until she vomits. So, until all these things improve, things are just challenging.
I also don’t know if I have mentioned that I don’t have a nursery. Jonny and I don’t even have a bedroom. Our bed is on one side of the living room. We outgrew our house years ago, but haven’t wanted to move. Now isn’t the time to be trying to sell our house either so we make do with what we have. I actually like living in a small house, but it does have it’s challenges, one being there isn’t a quiet place for a baby to take a nap.
And one last thing—It is just plain hard to take care of a difficult baby. It’s hard even when it’s your only one. I remember when Seth was a baby thinking I was going to go out of my mind. I was also convinced that his issues were somehow my fault. This time I am way more relaxed about the situation because I know all too well how quickly babies grow up, and I also know that Bea isn’t difficult because of anything I have done. So whereas with Seth I was reading every book on babies from one end of the spectrum to the other (I tried everything from Dr. Sears to Babywise) trying to figure out how to “fix” him, this time I know I just have to wait it out.
We recognize that Beatrix is such a gift. We very much wanted another daughter and I am so thankful that God gave Jonny and I the desire of our hearts. We didn’t deserve her and are so grateful to have her. We didn’t expect things to be easy, but sometimes everything builds up and I just need to vent a little. I am sure she will be sleeping all night one day soon and hopefully napping regularly as well!
Lerin says
Isabella was our reflux and colicky baby… she was a beautiful blessing, but I remember days where I would just sit and cry while holding her, also crying! And back then, I just had two. It is true that every child has such a different temparament and different needs. As you may have read on my crunchy/creamy post… we just have to do our best with the circumstances we have and trust that we're okay!HUGE HUGS to you.
Aubrey says
Oh, Ginny, my heart goes out to you! This post touched me with every word because I've been through the same thing! My oldest child was so colicky. She would scream and scream and there was no consolation. It started anytime I tried to lay her down (whether I nursed her to sleep or not) and then from 5 until 8 every evening. Then one day, it just stopped. My husband and I were sitting in the living room waiting for it to happen and she stayed calm. It was amazing. The next two kids were perfect, easy, happy little sprites which was good because at the time that they were little, I had 3 under 3. Then came #4. We got just what we prayed for–a healthy baby boy–but boy was he unhappy. Just like you described with Bea, anytime I would try to lay him down, he'd be back up screaming within minutes. We tried the Zantac (sp?) and it relieved the symptoms of reflux but kept him AWAKE ALL DAY. No naps. Just like you described in the post before that, the only time I could get anything done was during his naps. It was so tiring, especially since I was recovering from a cesarean. So he had reflux, he was colicky, and wanted to be held all of the time. If he wasn't eating or sleeping, he was crying. I remember how I felt that first year of his life (also in a small house at the time) and how miserable I was and how I thought that I could not possibly handle any more children like that. And I did not have two adopted sons coming into my home at that time!He's still clingy and a little more fussy than I remember the other children being. But he's almost 2 now and it's getting easier. Sorry for the long comment–just wanted you to know that you have all of my sympathy and I definitely understand the frustration and fatigue that goes along with all of this! Hope you get some much needed rest!God bless you and your beautiful family!
laura mouro says
Ginny, that was one of my thoughts–asthma–I have 2 with it and my son Jonas (who was a fussy baby who coughed ALL THE TIME) has asthma. I kept telling the doctor that he coughed all day and all night–it started at 4 weeks. They kept telling me it was reflux and put him on Zantac. Finally, at 7 months he was hospitalized with RSV and they finally diagnosed him with asthma. We got him started on a daily inhaled steroid (pulmucort) and after a few months his cough went away. Bea sounds similar–coughing and such, but Jonas never spit-up. He seemed to be always sick. He is not allergic to anything, just wheezes when he gets a virus. You are doing a great job! She is so adorable!Love, Laura
Ginny says
Jen, I have a sister and nephew with asthma, and my brother in law used to as a child-I just haven't wanted to say it out loud. We will have Bea tested when she gets a bit older. I am worried b/c we have a dog and cats-she may be allergic 🙁
Ginny says
Annie, our house is really open-almost too open 🙂 The only rooms with doors are the two bathrooms and Lark's room which is technically a closet. The open floorplan though is the reason we can fit 8 people into less than 1500 square feet. I think it is fun. However, I will throw a party the day that I get a bedroom complete with a door and a closet!
Annie says
Now I sense you feel guilty about venting! Don't! My gosh! If we moms can't vent there won't be any mommy blogs out there! Your experience is helpful at this point. They DO grow out of these things. I remember thinking Lydia would NEVER get over colic! And I was so frustrated that I finally had a girl, but had to wrap her in towels and not put any of her really nice clothes on her because she, too, spit up (or more accrately, vomited) every other moment, or so it seemed. She and I were both filthy…..but only for a few months – really.Plus, I LOVE your "admission" that you don't have a nursery. It appears that you have a beautiful, spacious home that isn't all chopped up into little rooms (for example, I noticed that your kitchen is about the size of my kitchen, dining room and laundry put together. How I envy it!I'll also confess right here (so you feel better) that Anastasia and Zhenya sleep in my room most of the time and in my bed some of the time. I'm like you in that I just try to respond compassionately and appropriately to each child at each stage of their life (day/week/whatever). It worked pretty well with the older two, so I'll keep plugging along – even if the "social services" made us pretend that everyone had their nice "appropriate" bedrooms and slept in them!
Jen says
Does anyone in your family have asthma? A good friend of mine has 7, going on 8 children (she's due any time) and several of them have asthma. One of the symptoms those children had as babies was the reflux and vomiting. Just an idea for something to get checked out when Beatrix is older. God bless you – you have such a great attitude about parenting – and it's good to vent once in a while. Hang in there.